I fall.

[myhole]

so many partial journal entries have been started and never sent because of other problems here at the home. I hope to see him today. He got up the other day. I went too. Yesterday he was sinking but more or less floating in one spot so i'm hoping he stays there until i can bring the helium because i dont want to have to scrape the pavement anymore. i dont want to be forgotten- i can't be alone- so don't you dare leave me- it's like comin' home- to skin that has died- human voices- like a drone- and they're lookin'- right through me- scatter the ashes- one more-- time. so gorgeous. I'm a bit apprehensive. clean. serene. wishful. one more time for me. i'm pleased to have my computer back...but where is everybody? he sleeps. hopefully a good sleep. hopefully the dark clouds have momentarily subsided. perhaps i just lie to myself. dont we all. i want him to read this. i don't. gonna meet my jesus christ. pleasure and passion. sadness the name of the spike that took me. i am dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb, yes. what i would do for a little trust. and if i should falter would you open your arms out to me? you don't care about us. beautiful blue lips. not mine. regret. another memory scarred. my hair is soft. where the fuck are you? I need you and you need me and addicts can't go very long without their hit of s.o. i'm going a bit.....yes. i'm in the getaway car. you don't care about us. oh oh you dont care about uh us. please please plesaeworkyourwaythroughmyveins SOOOONNNNNNNNN. you're too complicated we should seperate it. this degeneration mental masturbation. save this bleeding heart of mine. it's a matter of trust ITS A MATTER OF TRUST ITS A MATTER OF TRUST ITS A MATTER OF TRUST!!!!!!! YOU DONT CARE ABOUT USSSSS AND YOU CAN DIE FOR THAT BECAUSE IT'S RUINING OUR GOD DAMN BUBBLEEEEEEE HEHAER;WLERKUS.MSDF........

it's a matter...of trust........