THIS IS ME SPILLING MY GUTS OUT.
So lately I've been going through a lot, emotionally. I feel lonely and unloved. Danny is so far away, and his choice of who he's been hanging out with doesn't make me too happy. I tried talking to him about it. He thinks I'm making matters worse. It's not that I don't trust him, don't get me wrong, I do. I don't trust karma. Danny cheated on Ali with me. Why wouldn't karma come back and get me and have him cheat on me? Only thing is, I would never know. I don't think anyone would tell me. Even Danny. He says he would tell me if it ever happen, which he says it won't. But how do I know? There is no way of knowing. I have a hard time trusting people. Even someone I am so close to, and so in love with. I know it's wrong but I can't help this feeling I have. I don't know how to shake it. I don't even know where to begin to get rid of it. It's an awful feeling. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even them.
I wish Danny had just moved down here with me when I moved down. I know I'm probably going to screw things up with him because I'm so untrusting and jealous. I can't help it! Every other day he is going out with people he NEVER hung out with before. Which makes me look like what they think I am. I AM NOT CONTROLLING. Danny does what he wants even if I am not comfortable with it. I will tell him how I feel, and than tell him to do what he feels he has to do. Usually he puts their wants above mine. Which pisses me off. He hears me cry every night, but his actions do nothing to make me feel better.
I honestly don't think it'll last. I honestly don't think he'll ever move to Florida, even though he says he will and that he wants to. I don't see it happening. It's sad, very sad. And I think that is why I fight so much with him over who he's going out with and what he is doing when he goes out with them.
Lately I've been keeping MOST of my emotions in. But yesterday I told him everything I had on my mind. EVEN my concern with that picture I saw. He laughed at me. He tells me 'you're so cute when you're jealous'. I'm not trying to be cute! I'm trying to tell you how I feel! I want you to make me feel better, for a while. Not just five minutes, when you tell me you love me and nothing will happen, and than you tell me how you are visiting her and she is like 2 hours away. I don't know what it is about her. I don't hate her. I actually like her. And to be honest, if I wasn't so jealous, she probably wouldn't be a 'threat'. And I could actually see myself hanging out with her. But I'm so far away, and I feel so vulnerable. I'm probably imagining it all. I'm probably making it all up in my head with my very vivid imagination. But for something that is so made up, it feels so real.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I NEED HELP
I wish Danny had just moved down here with me when I moved down. I know I'm probably going to screw things up with him because I'm so untrusting and jealous. I can't help it! Every other day he is going out with people he NEVER hung out with before. Which makes me look like what they think I am. I AM NOT CONTROLLING. Danny does what he wants even if I am not comfortable with it. I will tell him how I feel, and than tell him to do what he feels he has to do. Usually he puts their wants above mine. Which pisses me off. He hears me cry every night, but his actions do nothing to make me feel better.
I honestly don't think it'll last. I honestly don't think he'll ever move to Florida, even though he says he will and that he wants to. I don't see it happening. It's sad, very sad. And I think that is why I fight so much with him over who he's going out with and what he is doing when he goes out with them.
Lately I've been keeping MOST of my emotions in. But yesterday I told him everything I had on my mind. EVEN my concern with that picture I saw. He laughed at me. He tells me 'you're so cute when you're jealous'. I'm not trying to be cute! I'm trying to tell you how I feel! I want you to make me feel better, for a while. Not just five minutes, when you tell me you love me and nothing will happen, and than you tell me how you are visiting her and she is like 2 hours away. I don't know what it is about her. I don't hate her. I actually like her. And to be honest, if I wasn't so jealous, she probably wouldn't be a 'threat'. And I could actually see myself hanging out with her. But I'm so far away, and I feel so vulnerable. I'm probably imagining it all. I'm probably making it all up in my head with my very vivid imagination. But for something that is so made up, it feels so real.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I NEED HELP