stolen from tira ^^
Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her
mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate
was.
She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye. Reading her mom's thoughts, Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother
which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep
with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."
"Love - Mum"
_________________________________________________________________________
two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.
One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag, looks at her, and says:
“I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.”
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?"
"It's over here in the pussy willows."
She screams back, "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T HIT THE BALL! DON'T HIT THE BALL!"
-------------------
so there's this dermatologists, and she goes to work on day and his first patient comes in and says, "doctor, you've got to help me. my boyfriend refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love, and now i have this horrible rash." she takes off her shirt, and sure enough, there's a big red itchy rash in the form of an H on her chest.
the doctor says, "this is interesting, I've never seen anything quite like it before. I wonder why it occurred in such an unusual shape."
"he goes to Harvard." the girl answered.
"ah, that would explain it." he prescribes some lotion and sends her on her way.
the next patient comes in and says, "doctor, i hope you can help me with this rash. it's a little embarrassing, but it's driving me crazy."
she takes off her shirt and displays a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of a Y. the doctor raises his eyebrows.
"it's my boyfriend, he goes to Yale, and is so into his new letter sweater that he never takes it off, even when we're making love. is there anything you can do?"
the doctor prescribes calamine lotion and sends patient number 2 on her way. the third patient comes in and says, "doctor, you've got to help me!" she takes off her shirt and there on her chest is a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of an M.
"don't tell me, " says the doctor, "your boyfriend goes to MIT, and refuses to take off his letter sweater when you make love."
the patient looks at him with surprise. "close." she says, "i have a girlfriend, and she goes to Wellesley."
mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate
was.
She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye. Reading her mom's thoughts, Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother
which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep
with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."
"Love - Mum"
_________________________________________________________________________
two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.
One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag, looks at her, and says:
“I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.”
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?"
"It's over here in the pussy willows."
She screams back, "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T HIT THE BALL! DON'T HIT THE BALL!"
-------------------
so there's this dermatologists, and she goes to work on day and his first patient comes in and says, "doctor, you've got to help me. my boyfriend refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love, and now i have this horrible rash." she takes off her shirt, and sure enough, there's a big red itchy rash in the form of an H on her chest.
the doctor says, "this is interesting, I've never seen anything quite like it before. I wonder why it occurred in such an unusual shape."
"he goes to Harvard." the girl answered.
"ah, that would explain it." he prescribes some lotion and sends her on her way.
the next patient comes in and says, "doctor, i hope you can help me with this rash. it's a little embarrassing, but it's driving me crazy."
she takes off her shirt and displays a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of a Y. the doctor raises his eyebrows.
"it's my boyfriend, he goes to Yale, and is so into his new letter sweater that he never takes it off, even when we're making love. is there anything you can do?"
the doctor prescribes calamine lotion and sends patient number 2 on her way. the third patient comes in and says, "doctor, you've got to help me!" she takes off her shirt and there on her chest is a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of an M.
"don't tell me, " says the doctor, "your boyfriend goes to MIT, and refuses to take off his letter sweater when you make love."
the patient looks at him with surprise. "close." she says, "i have a girlfriend, and she goes to Wellesley."