(no subject)
The party went better than I expected. But I was SOOOOOO drunk. I ate half a loaf of bread to keep me from throwing up(gradually throughout the night)and it didn't get broken up. A lot of people came. Some I didn't even know. Matt actually came. For a while. He left once to go smoke pot with Andy(cuz i don't allow it in my apartment) and then he drank almost my whole 12 pack and THEN he said "I'll be back in just a minute" cuz he had to go get more pot(he's going to get fat).an hour later he still didn't come back,I text him,I call him,he doesn't say anything. And THEN Andy was like "Bj really wants to sleep with you,I've been talking you up all week and he thinks you're really hot". This greatly upsets me and so I call Matt and cry into his voicemail "THEY WANT ME TO SLEEP WITH BJ,HE THINKS I'M HOT,PLEASE COME BACK I MISS YOU! HELP ME!!!!!". And he texts me back and says that he's not coming back and he's very sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me but he's gotta get his green and blah blah blah. He told me over and over he's so so so sorry and don't cry and calling me sweetheart and shit. THEN he quits talking to me and it turns out it's b/c he went to jail. Great. But he got out a few hrs later and he PROMISED me that he would hang with me on Sunday. The next time I talk to him he's with Allison. Some girl that he REALLY likes. And lately he's been acting really weird and my gut feeling is that she's his gf. B/c we used to talk all the time and now we rarely talk and he keeps turning off his phone. And he won't get mad at me for anything. I do all kinds of stuff to piss him off. Like the other day I knew he was with that girl and so I called his phone a million times and would leave really long voicemails where I didn't say anything. I just set the phone down until it reached the time limit or whatever. And I filled up all his vm. THEN I text him 42 times b/c that's how many it takes to delete his whole text memory. Then I talk to his brother(who's pretty weird but actually made me feel better...).I call Matt later and he answers and I ask him if he's mad at me and he said "nah". I asked him why and he said that I'm just trying to get attention and it doesn't make him mad. So what the HELL am I supposed to do to make him hate me? I want him to hate me b/c I don't want him to be with another girl and he's going to be with other girls and I'm insanely jealous and they are all bitches and I only want the best for him...or I want him to be with me.If he would just get mad at me and yell at me then I would feel so much better. But I can't do ANYTHING to piss him off. NOTHING!!!!!!But the good thing is that we would be such good friends if I could get over my jealousy. All I have to do to make it better is just be more respectful. Joke with him and talk to him about things that aren't hatefully directed towards him. He doesn't hold grudges at all. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm just always so mad at him for some reason. It really makes me want to cry b/c he's usually such a nice guy and I care about him a lot. I just can't stop being mean to him.
*sigh*
I'm tired as hell.
I decided not to move to Little Rock or Tampa b/c this is my home and I have to be a big girl and just deal with my shit. I am going to Fayetteville though(15mins. away). I just love it there so much. I figured that Matt would be happy that I'm going to Fayetteville but it turns out he's moving there too and we're both cheap so we'll probably live in the same ghetto place. I just can't get rid of him.*rolls eyes*
There are these apartments in Fayetteville that I REALLY want to live in and they are all glass,they have a sliding glass door as an entryway for the living room(instead of a front door) and the bedroom. They are SOOOOO beautiful but they look out of date and so I think they may be cheap. The only problem is that I can not get a number,there's no office,it doesn't say what the name of it is. It's pissing me off!I'm fixing to just go knock on someone's door and ask them about it.
I missed my period.
But I guess that's not unusual. I've just been having so many of them and now I guess I'm back to not having them.
I feel like something is wrong. I just have a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomache(and it's NOT morning sickness..). There's no way I think I'm pregnant,I just think it's something else.
*sigh*
I'm tired as hell.
I decided not to move to Little Rock or Tampa b/c this is my home and I have to be a big girl and just deal with my shit. I am going to Fayetteville though(15mins. away). I just love it there so much. I figured that Matt would be happy that I'm going to Fayetteville but it turns out he's moving there too and we're both cheap so we'll probably live in the same ghetto place. I just can't get rid of him.*rolls eyes*
There are these apartments in Fayetteville that I REALLY want to live in and they are all glass,they have a sliding glass door as an entryway for the living room(instead of a front door) and the bedroom. They are SOOOOO beautiful but they look out of date and so I think they may be cheap. The only problem is that I can not get a number,there's no office,it doesn't say what the name of it is. It's pissing me off!I'm fixing to just go knock on someone's door and ask them about it.
I missed my period.
But I guess that's not unusual. I've just been having so many of them and now I guess I'm back to not having them.
I feel like something is wrong. I just have a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomache(and it's NOT morning sickness..). There's no way I think I'm pregnant,I just think it's something else.