Shaken, not stirred.

[myheartisaapple]

A woman who looked way too much like plastic for her own good came into my coffee shop the other day with about 30 Nordstrom bags and asked me for a caramel machiatto, stirred, not shaken. I cannot fathom what goes through these people's heads during the day.

Also, I want everyone to go ahead and read "lies my teacher told me." It's fucking incredible, but it will make you dismiss everything you learned in high school social studies.

My boss will definitely not breast feed me.