(Untitled)

[myhandinyours]

Driving to school this morning, I saw a long funeral procession. Men in dark blue uniforms perched on motorcycles with blinking red and blue lights escorted the long line of cars, everyone dressed in their proper dark attire. Of course, my mind immediately shot to the last funeral I went to, my father's, in late July. I knew I had to sit and

Comments

[bombie]

i shouldn't have read this at work. thank christ i work at a counseling clinic.

it's hard for me to imagine this happening to you not so long ago. it seems i have a somewhat comfortable cushion of time between my tragedy and now. it's so hard to forget the bad. but i don't think you can just simply forget the bad without forgetting the good. they go hand in hand. i'm still learning to focus on the good.

our experiences are so VERY similar it literally makes me nauseas. and it confuses me how often i simply let it go throughout the day until all of a sudden, a whisper, a smell, a laugh, a certain look, brings it all back and i'm 10 years old again. i still remember exactly the way i felt and i'm pretty sure you nailed it on the head.

i know we don't discuss these things in detail with each other. it's a learned adaptive strategy of mine. i think i've learned to be mr. optimistic around others and then wallow in darkness on my own. and i keep this certain distance. i try to show others a good time because i feel that is what people want out of me. but i'm sad more often then i should be. and i think about these kinds of things more often than i will ever admit to you or anyone else. the fact that this happened to you means that it also happened to me because i have been there and i understand it like not all can.

i'm sorry i don't hold your hand as much as i should. i too often forget that other people, including myself, need this to get by.

i'm wasn't joking when i told you that i am always here. i do care about you, even though you tell me that i don't.

try to keep your head up, girlie.

Re:

[myhandinyours]

Thank you, Bombie. I know we have been too busy for our slumber parties, but they'll resume shortly. I miss you.

You know you didn't have to tell me a lot of the things you did. People with tragedies like ours have marked souls. Our eyes are a bit more sensitive to grief, I think.

I'm sure that the sadness still hangs around me, and that makes me not so fun to be with. But I'm learning how to focus on the happiness and forget the sadness. It's hard more often than not.

I'm here for you, just like you're here for me.