"super juicey"
i bought some peach flavored gummies from the HT Market and they are delicious. i didn't realize when i bought them but after i got them home i realized that they are the same ones that Joy used to take to school when i was in 8th grade and i'd eat about five of them every time. then i just started thinking about how much i miss eighth grade. all the things i could've done differently. all the things i said that i shouldn't've said. all things i could've said but didn't. then i looked at the little gummy wrapper.
"Peach Gummy
SUPER JUICEY"
and i laughed. then i thought, "i think i like who i am. if i hadn't've done what i did i might be a different person..." have you ever thought about being someone else? i remember back then though, i used to hate myself. i mean HATE hate... i would like, take really hot showers and scrub my skin hecka hard trying to get the failure off. my mom made me feel really bad then. i was never good enough for her, my friends always belittled me. i had no sense of self.
idk... i guess my point is that i've turned out to be a pretty decent human being. yeah, i guess i'm a bit on the chubby side... ok i'm fat. but no one's perfect. all those beauty pagent queens and models, it's their job to be pretty. to go off and marry rich men. trophy wife future. i'm kinda glad i'm not stuck with that. i can take care of myself and that fact alone has given me confidence. i can make my own decisions without consulting anyone so i feel pretty... indepdent i guess. idk what i'm trying to say really... i'm just thinking outloud kinda.
my new doll should get here pretty soon. in about a week or so... i'm really excited. i have pictures from the previous owner..
here's a closeup ...
i posted pics on my myspace blog but not here yet. and since the days are counting down... i can't wait.. i think he's handsome. absolutely perfect. i fell in love as soon as i saw these pics. i like his faceup. some of my other friends said he looks kinda creepy but i don't see it. cj says he looks sleep deprived. i can see that but i still think he's really pretty. i have an outfit set up for him. when he gets here i can make him more stuff... jammies and whatnot. i haven't made doll clothes for a while. i shouldn't go more than a week without handmaking anything or i lose that certain knack and then i have to spend hours getting into the mindset of things... idk... just the way my brain works.
ooo... i really want to go to china town next weekend and buy some new books. i need a new copy of the gothic lolita bible. i've read everything in the one i have. and while i'm there i might as well buy some new markers and whatnot. maybe some little tiny food erasers for my dolls. they're so cute!
anyhoo.... love love love...
"Peach Gummy
SUPER JUICEY"
and i laughed. then i thought, "i think i like who i am. if i hadn't've done what i did i might be a different person..." have you ever thought about being someone else? i remember back then though, i used to hate myself. i mean HATE hate... i would like, take really hot showers and scrub my skin hecka hard trying to get the failure off. my mom made me feel really bad then. i was never good enough for her, my friends always belittled me. i had no sense of self.
idk... i guess my point is that i've turned out to be a pretty decent human being. yeah, i guess i'm a bit on the chubby side... ok i'm fat. but no one's perfect. all those beauty pagent queens and models, it's their job to be pretty. to go off and marry rich men. trophy wife future. i'm kinda glad i'm not stuck with that. i can take care of myself and that fact alone has given me confidence. i can make my own decisions without consulting anyone so i feel pretty... indepdent i guess. idk what i'm trying to say really... i'm just thinking outloud kinda.
my new doll should get here pretty soon. in about a week or so... i'm really excited. i have pictures from the previous owner..
here's a closeup ...
i posted pics on my myspace blog but not here yet. and since the days are counting down... i can't wait.. i think he's handsome. absolutely perfect. i fell in love as soon as i saw these pics. i like his faceup. some of my other friends said he looks kinda creepy but i don't see it. cj says he looks sleep deprived. i can see that but i still think he's really pretty. i have an outfit set up for him. when he gets here i can make him more stuff... jammies and whatnot. i haven't made doll clothes for a while. i shouldn't go more than a week without handmaking anything or i lose that certain knack and then i have to spend hours getting into the mindset of things... idk... just the way my brain works.
ooo... i really want to go to china town next weekend and buy some new books. i need a new copy of the gothic lolita bible. i've read everything in the one i have. and while i'm there i might as well buy some new markers and whatnot. maybe some little tiny food erasers for my dolls. they're so cute!
anyhoo.... love love love...