July 1st, 2005
she was sitting, idle and bored, at a stop light on the shittiest, most crowded road in the wretched city. the street glimmered distatstefully as she sat seething in the boiling mix of SUVs and cars. carelessly, she reaches down for her cd case. maybe it was due to her gangster positioning (i.e. leaned back a wee too far) or maybe it was just hateful fate but suddenly....she taps the car in front of her.
reversing slightly she gets out to check the damage. a heinous corn rowed creature emerges from the fuckin iszuzu or however u spell those craphole automobiles.
"ma'am," says the gal, "there's no apparent damage to either vehicles."
"oh the hell there aint! yeah! we'll see what a police man has to say. pull over into that avis, and im gettin yo tag in case u try to run so i can report u as a run away and u WILL be done gettin arrested ooook."
"uh, it's no problem, really." she wasn't worried. there truly was no damage. it was upsetting to deal with that fucking cuntbag bitch pot, but deal she would.
they wait in the hot, hot parking lot...and finally the 5 O appears. he inquiries about the damage. looking at the black womans bumper, they all get into a little tiff over a sole scratch under the bumper.
"dat scratch wasnt there befo she struck my car officer." says the putrid bitch.
"i hate to inform you, ma'am, but we were at a stop light. it's generally physically impossible for me to have been accelerating, so i'd say nudging is a far better word to describe this incident."
"NUDGED?" says blackie.
"yeah, and actually, i'd like you to look at the configuration of my bumper in relation to your own. mine is elevated in the center and thus wouldn't have scratched the underside of your bumper."
the cop stared at her for a second in disbelief. he asks to see the other vehicle, that which STRUCK the stupid fucking cheap rodeo. once again theres no god damn damage. the cop tells the two ladies that no tickets were being written, and no accident report was being filed. this didnt classify, he said.
the cop was amused. "ok, listen ladies. let's not sit out here and bicker in the heat. we don't write reports for accidents concerning less than $500 worth of damage - "
"you dont think dats $500 dollas worth of damage?!" interjects the now anxious she-man.
"considerably less," the cop answers with inpatience "in fact these ordeals are usually avoided all together." the girl smiles but really has the desire to scream "IN YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU SCAMMING DICKNOSED GOATFUCK!"
the black woman is heart broken she may only get $100 from the deal. she demands to see all of the gals information, as in uh, license registration and insurance?
the girl is hesitant. very hesitant. she said to the officer, "um may i see all of her information as well then?"
"absolutley," he answered. not only did he make the sable witch retrieve all her shit, he wrote down every bit himself for the gal. deeelightful. the black woman scribbled furiously, but the girl just made sure that stinking lard bath didn't get her address!
when the incident is over, the cop pulls the girl aside.
"can i have ur name and badge number or whateveR? in case this 'damage' gets conspicuously worse in between now and her contacting my insurance company...which im sure will be like, 2.2 seconds..." she said to him.
"yes, i already wrote it down. listen to me young lady. i know how you're feeling right now, and i know why. you're not wrong in doing so. but you need to learn how to deal with certain people. were you talking to that woman like that before i arrived?"
"are you kidding?" the girl asked incredulously, "do you think id attempt communication with THAT? i didnt speak to her at all."
a flicker of a smile couldnt be cloaked behind that stony pig face.
"get in your car, and be cautious. not just of vehicles." he turned to get into his crown vic, but stopped and turned again. "and for god's sake, be careful who u 'nudge'"
reversing slightly she gets out to check the damage. a heinous corn rowed creature emerges from the fuckin iszuzu or however u spell those craphole automobiles.
"ma'am," says the gal, "there's no apparent damage to either vehicles."
"oh the hell there aint! yeah! we'll see what a police man has to say. pull over into that avis, and im gettin yo tag in case u try to run so i can report u as a run away and u WILL be done gettin arrested ooook."
"uh, it's no problem, really." she wasn't worried. there truly was no damage. it was upsetting to deal with that fucking cuntbag bitch pot, but deal she would.
they wait in the hot, hot parking lot...and finally the 5 O appears. he inquiries about the damage. looking at the black womans bumper, they all get into a little tiff over a sole scratch under the bumper.
"dat scratch wasnt there befo she struck my car officer." says the putrid bitch.
"i hate to inform you, ma'am, but we were at a stop light. it's generally physically impossible for me to have been accelerating, so i'd say nudging is a far better word to describe this incident."
"NUDGED?" says blackie.
"yeah, and actually, i'd like you to look at the configuration of my bumper in relation to your own. mine is elevated in the center and thus wouldn't have scratched the underside of your bumper."
the cop stared at her for a second in disbelief. he asks to see the other vehicle, that which STRUCK the stupid fucking cheap rodeo. once again theres no god damn damage. the cop tells the two ladies that no tickets were being written, and no accident report was being filed. this didnt classify, he said.
the cop was amused. "ok, listen ladies. let's not sit out here and bicker in the heat. we don't write reports for accidents concerning less than $500 worth of damage - "
"you dont think dats $500 dollas worth of damage?!" interjects the now anxious she-man.
"considerably less," the cop answers with inpatience "in fact these ordeals are usually avoided all together." the girl smiles but really has the desire to scream "IN YOUR FUCKING FACE YOU SCAMMING DICKNOSED GOATFUCK!"
the black woman is heart broken she may only get $100 from the deal. she demands to see all of the gals information, as in uh, license registration and insurance?
the girl is hesitant. very hesitant. she said to the officer, "um may i see all of her information as well then?"
"absolutley," he answered. not only did he make the sable witch retrieve all her shit, he wrote down every bit himself for the gal. deeelightful. the black woman scribbled furiously, but the girl just made sure that stinking lard bath didn't get her address!
when the incident is over, the cop pulls the girl aside.
"can i have ur name and badge number or whateveR? in case this 'damage' gets conspicuously worse in between now and her contacting my insurance company...which im sure will be like, 2.2 seconds..." she said to him.
"yes, i already wrote it down. listen to me young lady. i know how you're feeling right now, and i know why. you're not wrong in doing so. but you need to learn how to deal with certain people. were you talking to that woman like that before i arrived?"
"are you kidding?" the girl asked incredulously, "do you think id attempt communication with THAT? i didnt speak to her at all."
a flicker of a smile couldnt be cloaked behind that stony pig face.
"get in your car, and be cautious. not just of vehicles." he turned to get into his crown vic, but stopped and turned again. "and for god's sake, be careful who u 'nudge'"