Detective Tale
(With that low monotonous Detective voice)
I was sitting in my office when a case came in. So I finished two bottles from it.
I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.
Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window. I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.
The phone rang and I knew something was wrong. I didn't have a phone.
It was a girl and she was in trouble. I knew she was, 'cause she said so.
I raced down the stairs and called a cab. The cab stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out and I got in.
We took the corner at hundred kilometers per hour, but a cop stopped us and told us to put the corner back.
We kept on the pavement, because there was a sign that said:"Keep Death Off Our Roads".
Then we were out of the city. I knew it, because we were not hitting so many pedestrians.
As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning kiss. Then she took the cigarette out and kissed me again.
She pointed two thirty-eights at me. She also had a gun.
She had the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen - hanging from her left nostril.
She had teeth like the ten commandments - all broken.
She also had the most beautiful eyes - so beautiful that the one eye could not stop looking at the other one.
There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were slashed. He was dead.
I said: "Lady, if this man was alive, he sure would be ill". So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves.
Suddenly a brick came flying through the window and hit her on the left breast - breaking three of my fingers.
We had a flat tire, so I pumped and she pumped and I pumped. Then we got out and fixed the flat tire.
Then I took her home and as I was kissing her goodnight, her father opened the door and stepped on my back, almost breaking it.
As I was giving her a final good-night kiss, she closed her legs and broke my nose.