(no subject)
you know how i feel, i feel as though God has closed all doors except for you.. he closed the doors on people i shouldnt be friends with, closed the doors on things i was doing instead of focusing on him.. but why hasnt he closed the door on you.. why hasnt he taken away these feelings of love that i have for you?? why am i going through this heartache alone? if this is what i feel God has put on my heart to do..? i dont want to love you anymore? i dont want to have these feelings.. i want to be friends with you.. i want to move on with my life, meet more people God has in store for me... but i cant just give you up.. im not ready to, you tell me you're not comfortable with giving me up, and leaving me.. i dont know, this situation is so confusing for me, i feel one thing God has put on my heart, but you use God has defense and tell me the total opposite of what is on my heart to do.. and i dont understand that. But at the moment, im happy im back on my walk with God, i feel so much better, i dont feel as dramatic and depressed.. im in his word as much as possible, i talk to him when im driving in my car, and i let him know whats been going on, even though God already knows because hes just keen like that ;) but, i have my daily conversation with him, and let him know how much i love and thank him. I just hope, he makes this situation more clear to me, it hurts me so much to go through this, and i just want him to show me the way to go, i want him to direct my heart and feelings to the right place.. to someone that will take it and take care of it, not break it. But maybe, God still has my feelings for him...for a reason... maybe hes making me feel like this, and then making him feel opposite because i should be focusing more on God rather than my own desires, and God still wants my feelings to be there for 'him' so when 'he's' ready and closer to God and feels like thats where hes suppose to be, my feelings will still be there for him to come back to. ioejgkldmklfgm wow, i do not know what the heck im talking about but then again i know exactly what im trying to say! :-D i love God, and his mysterious crazy plans for me. <3