(no subject)
I woke up this morning and went to the foot dotor. I have been having foot problems for like ever and we were going to see what was wrong. He asked to take x-rays, which he did, and when he put them up on the sunny board i saw my entire dream fall away. Apparently my heel born isn't ideal for a dancer. I have a only 1 cm of momvemnt and for a dancer i should have 2 cm. He told me i could never be a ballet dancer.
So my dream was just crushed by 1 cm of a heel bone.
I cried so hard i almost through up. And now I'm walking around in my house looking at my feet, hating them, and hating the fact that i will never be able to do what I love, ever.
This is worst than the time when eveyone found out i cut myself. Worse than when i have to leave Jackie and Lillie. Because then i knew everything would be fixed eventually. Now i can't even tell myself that.
All the things i have had to give up, all the parties I had to skip, all the physcological damage i had to go through, was for nothing.
I think i want to die.
So my dream was just crushed by 1 cm of a heel bone.
I cried so hard i almost through up. And now I'm walking around in my house looking at my feet, hating them, and hating the fact that i will never be able to do what I love, ever.
This is worst than the time when eveyone found out i cut myself. Worse than when i have to leave Jackie and Lillie. Because then i knew everything would be fixed eventually. Now i can't even tell myself that.
All the things i have had to give up, all the parties I had to skip, all the physcological damage i had to go through, was for nothing.
I think i want to die.