im being emotional because i have been thinking alot lately...
lets start off with yesterday. i woke up and i wished that i didnt. other than that i felt like shit physically. i woke up super late so i went to take cough syrup so i took the wrong stuff and i was totally out of it. i get to school and then nicole tells me i have bottlecappers. and then i get all panicy cause i dont have any of my papers and i had no clue what i was doing. so i get there and everything is okay see amanda she gives me money and shit and i saw joe and gave him another ticket. then amanda flips on me and then i realized how much i fucked up. i tried to pass it by thinking that nothing bad will happen. so i got over that. and then today ashley felt the need to tell me how much i fucked up. ummm i recall that i was looking for amanda because i forgot i had the ticket with me and i didnt wanna lose it, so then i saw the kid. so was all like oh hey thats her friend. so i gave him the ticket and was like can you please give this to mamanda nad he was like okay. so i really dont think theres something wrong with that. if that kid would of sold it then that would of been pretty low of him, and what kind of fucking friend would do that?!! yea, a person whos a fucking asshole and not ur friend. and ashley i guess i cant trust you if i gave you 2 tickets, cause youre just one of those assholes who would sell it, you know, money over friends. so yea, thanks for making me feel like shit, im sorry i made a god damn mistake, well you know, i am human and thats what we do.
then i went to the doctor and he couldnt give me a shot because my lungs are still fucked up so now im on more meds. while i was there dan texted me. i wanted to call him later on but noooo my mom decided to take my cell and leave me home with the fucking bastards.
and then last night i told my mom that i wish i had a knife so i could carve out my lungs and then i was like "yea while im at it ill carve my heart out too cause i hate that thing, it does nothing besides cause me pain and never wanna wake up." so yea then she cried and i felt like shit.
and then today in school i found out that my art teacher is leaving at the end of january. that made me tear a bit cause i love her dearly. so she will be missed terribly when shes gone.
and my mom picked me up from school today and when i got into the car she was crying. and she was all like im not a good mother and shit. and shes very upset with my brother james cause hes been being a real bastard lately and we think its because of this devorce. and no supossely my dad is getting divice after my mom and she was all like "i dont deserve this, my kids, my life, shouldnt be taken away from me like this" idk i felt really bad.
so then i come in the house to put my books down and i slit my hand open on accident. then i saw my insides then the blood rush through. omg it was so pleasing and that made me wanna chop myself up, but i didnt, and thats really sick that i was thinking like that.
and then my dad, WHY THE FUCK DID HE DO THIS TO ME!?!?!? fucking no good bastard. in may we were like ur family or ur drugs. oh shit, chose the drugs now no more family. oh but wait he was aloud to see us and whatnot but no lets stop talking to jess because shes a fucking dirty tramp and then after a month lets apologize and lets get her back up and then fuck her over again, its so nice seeing her depressed and whatnot. oh true.
no he has all of his side of the family hating me.
just what i need, people hating me, not just people but MY FAMILY the ones i loved.
yea, so lets see if your family takes your heart and then gives it back to you in a million pieces how to expect me to even trust someone else with it?
and then someone was like "oh so christmas is gonnabe weird, your not gonna get as many gifts" how fucking immature can you be to say that?! well yea its true but thats not whats pissing me off, its the fact that im not gonna be doing the samething i do every christmas eve, the only thing i ever did on xmas eve, im not even gonna see my family, im not gonna be at my grandmas house sitting in a corner all quite looking at everyone else being all happy.
thats all what i ever wanted was everyone else to be happy, i guess thats my downfall. so maybe everyone is happy now, im just getting what i deserve. why does it have to be this way?
im in tears now =[
4 years ago today my dog died, well she was put to sleep, i dont wanna go through that EVER again.
my mom just had a meeting with little brothers teacher and she was concerned because he has been saying stuff about how much he doesnt like jimmy and how he hurts him and how jimmy doesnt love him. but then she was like well theres one person he loves, jessicya. and she said hes always saying stuff about me like how much he loves me, how i stick up for him, how i always hug and kiss him, and how we play games and watch tv and how i share my candy and such. that just made me happy.
SO THERES MY NICE LITTLE FUCK YOU TO ALL OF YOU STUPID CUNTS OUT THERE WHOLE LIKE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT
then i went to the doctor and he couldnt give me a shot because my lungs are still fucked up so now im on more meds. while i was there dan texted me. i wanted to call him later on but noooo my mom decided to take my cell and leave me home with the fucking bastards.
and then last night i told my mom that i wish i had a knife so i could carve out my lungs and then i was like "yea while im at it ill carve my heart out too cause i hate that thing, it does nothing besides cause me pain and never wanna wake up." so yea then she cried and i felt like shit.
and then today in school i found out that my art teacher is leaving at the end of january. that made me tear a bit cause i love her dearly. so she will be missed terribly when shes gone.
and my mom picked me up from school today and when i got into the car she was crying. and she was all like im not a good mother and shit. and shes very upset with my brother james cause hes been being a real bastard lately and we think its because of this devorce. and no supossely my dad is getting divice after my mom and she was all like "i dont deserve this, my kids, my life, shouldnt be taken away from me like this" idk i felt really bad.
so then i come in the house to put my books down and i slit my hand open on accident. then i saw my insides then the blood rush through. omg it was so pleasing and that made me wanna chop myself up, but i didnt, and thats really sick that i was thinking like that.
and then my dad, WHY THE FUCK DID HE DO THIS TO ME!?!?!? fucking no good bastard. in may we were like ur family or ur drugs. oh shit, chose the drugs now no more family. oh but wait he was aloud to see us and whatnot but no lets stop talking to jess because shes a fucking dirty tramp and then after a month lets apologize and lets get her back up and then fuck her over again, its so nice seeing her depressed and whatnot. oh true.
no he has all of his side of the family hating me.
just what i need, people hating me, not just people but MY FAMILY the ones i loved.
yea, so lets see if your family takes your heart and then gives it back to you in a million pieces how to expect me to even trust someone else with it?
and then someone was like "oh so christmas is gonnabe weird, your not gonna get as many gifts" how fucking immature can you be to say that?! well yea its true but thats not whats pissing me off, its the fact that im not gonna be doing the samething i do every christmas eve, the only thing i ever did on xmas eve, im not even gonna see my family, im not gonna be at my grandmas house sitting in a corner all quite looking at everyone else being all happy.
thats all what i ever wanted was everyone else to be happy, i guess thats my downfall. so maybe everyone is happy now, im just getting what i deserve. why does it have to be this way?
im in tears now =[
4 years ago today my dog died, well she was put to sleep, i dont wanna go through that EVER again.
my mom just had a meeting with little brothers teacher and she was concerned because he has been saying stuff about how much he doesnt like jimmy and how he hurts him and how jimmy doesnt love him. but then she was like well theres one person he loves, jessicya. and she said hes always saying stuff about me like how much he loves me, how i stick up for him, how i always hug and kiss him, and how we play games and watch tv and how i share my candy and such. that just made me happy.
SO THERES MY NICE LITTLE FUCK YOU TO ALL OF YOU STUPID CUNTS OUT THERE WHOLE LIKE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT