(no subject)
im a mess
i just want to be happy
why cant i be happy?
is that too much to ask for?
i also want someone who actually cares and doesnt "pretent" to love me.
i got a restraining order yesterday against my dad
wanna hear something sad.
i found out he was taping the phone in the house and recording all of our convos.
oh and then i told him i wanted to slit his throat open and he was like "go ahead and wrap your hands around my neck" so i did and i was like "i never thought it would feel this good" and then i realized what i was doing and i stopped and then he was like "your just like your mother" and i hate when im told that, and he knows that it hurts me when he tells me that. and then he kept on going on and he was up in my face saying shit and i had flashbacks and then i felt a sharp pain in my heart, then lungs, then stomache. then the next thing i remember is laying on the floor choking on my tounge and then my heart stopped and i couldnt breathe and then i started to have heart compulsions. then i turned around so i was on my stomache and i kinda puked. it was horrible, i was really scared. oh and meanwhile my dad was still screaming at me.
im tired of it, i really am.
i really want to die.... its not worth it...............
i just want to be happy
why cant i be happy?
is that too much to ask for?
i also want someone who actually cares and doesnt "pretent" to love me.
i got a restraining order yesterday against my dad
wanna hear something sad.
i found out he was taping the phone in the house and recording all of our convos.
oh and then i told him i wanted to slit his throat open and he was like "go ahead and wrap your hands around my neck" so i did and i was like "i never thought it would feel this good" and then i realized what i was doing and i stopped and then he was like "your just like your mother" and i hate when im told that, and he knows that it hurts me when he tells me that. and then he kept on going on and he was up in my face saying shit and i had flashbacks and then i felt a sharp pain in my heart, then lungs, then stomache. then the next thing i remember is laying on the floor choking on my tounge and then my heart stopped and i couldnt breathe and then i started to have heart compulsions. then i turned around so i was on my stomache and i kinda puked. it was horrible, i was really scared. oh and meanwhile my dad was still screaming at me.
im tired of it, i really am.
i really want to die.... its not worth it...............