Sherlock Holmes RPS - In or Out? - Robert Downey, Jr/Jude Law - PG-13
Title: In or Out?
Author: dametokillfor
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes RPS
Characters: Robert Downey, Jr/Jude Law (Implied James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender)
Summary: Jude should be used to Robert's opening gambits by now, but this one has thrown him.
POV: Third
Notes: Notes at the end of the fic.
*****
"How do you feel about leaking a sex tape?"
Jude should be used to Robert's opening gambits by now. He's been asked what bra size he'd be, how he feels about Marmite, whether he'd ever consider changing his name to 'Roger' and on one memorable occasion, whether he'd rather be sucked off by a vampire or a werewolf. (He decided on vampire in the end, they'd at least be more inclined to reign in their animal nature). So Jude should be used to Robert's opening gambits by now, but this one has thrown him.
Jude moves the phone from his ear, stares at it for a moment as if the answers to his friends bizarre request is held on the screen, before bringing it back to his ear and responding the only way that seems fitting.
"What?"
"Our bromance, dear Jude, is in danger of becoming a footnote in the great ambiguous relationships of cinema.” Robert explains, as if the answer was obvious, “I know you're not willing to let that happen, so how do you feel about leaking a sex tape?"
"Robert, we haven't even... actually, fuck it, I'm going back to what?"
"Professor X and Magneto." Robert says, a hint of barely disguised malice in his voice, "They've killed the brains of all our adoring acolytes by actually saying they've had sex. Apparently subtlety is a thing of the past in the bromance and now we've got to be forward. Hence the sex tape."
Jude takes a moment to work out what his friend is talking about.
"Wait, you mean McAvoy and Fassbender?"
Robert scoffs, "Minor details, dear.”
“You do realize they’re taking the piss, Robert…” Jude says.
“You think that matters?” Robert asks, “Iron Man will not be beaten by a bald guy and a magnet.”
“Actually, he probably could be beaten by Magneto.” Jude offers, “Could crush your head in the suit. Or he could lift the helmet off your head, then Professor X could mind fuck you.”
“Now isn’t the time for your fan fiction fantasies. Sex tape. In or out?”
Jude sighs, “We haven’t even got a sex tape.”
There’s a loud knock on the door of Jude’s hotel room. He walks across to it, “Hang on, just got to…”
He pulls open the door to find Robert leaning against the door jamb, small video camera dangling from one finger.
“In or out?”
*****
Notes: Inspired by this interview. For those who can't or don't want to watch it, the important part is below:
James: How many times did you have sex with Michael Fassbender?
Interviewer: That was the question. And what is the answer?
James: Four.
Interviewer: Four times, four times. And how tender a lover is he?
James: Define tender?
Interviewer: I guess a little bit of spooning afterwards? Some snuggles? Maybe a little *kissing noise* on the neck?
James: *shakes head* I’m left to take care of myself after.
I made an off handed comment to a friend about how Robert and Jude would need to leak a sex tape to beat these two now and this just happened.
Author: dametokillfor
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes RPS
Characters: Robert Downey, Jr/Jude Law (Implied James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender)
Summary: Jude should be used to Robert's opening gambits by now, but this one has thrown him.
POV: Third
Notes: Notes at the end of the fic.
*****
"How do you feel about leaking a sex tape?"
Jude should be used to Robert's opening gambits by now. He's been asked what bra size he'd be, how he feels about Marmite, whether he'd ever consider changing his name to 'Roger' and on one memorable occasion, whether he'd rather be sucked off by a vampire or a werewolf. (He decided on vampire in the end, they'd at least be more inclined to reign in their animal nature). So Jude should be used to Robert's opening gambits by now, but this one has thrown him.
Jude moves the phone from his ear, stares at it for a moment as if the answers to his friends bizarre request is held on the screen, before bringing it back to his ear and responding the only way that seems fitting.
"What?"
"Our bromance, dear Jude, is in danger of becoming a footnote in the great ambiguous relationships of cinema.” Robert explains, as if the answer was obvious, “I know you're not willing to let that happen, so how do you feel about leaking a sex tape?"
"Robert, we haven't even... actually, fuck it, I'm going back to what?"
"Professor X and Magneto." Robert says, a hint of barely disguised malice in his voice, "They've killed the brains of all our adoring acolytes by actually saying they've had sex. Apparently subtlety is a thing of the past in the bromance and now we've got to be forward. Hence the sex tape."
Jude takes a moment to work out what his friend is talking about.
"Wait, you mean McAvoy and Fassbender?"
Robert scoffs, "Minor details, dear.”
“You do realize they’re taking the piss, Robert…” Jude says.
“You think that matters?” Robert asks, “Iron Man will not be beaten by a bald guy and a magnet.”
“Actually, he probably could be beaten by Magneto.” Jude offers, “Could crush your head in the suit. Or he could lift the helmet off your head, then Professor X could mind fuck you.”
“Now isn’t the time for your fan fiction fantasies. Sex tape. In or out?”
Jude sighs, “We haven’t even got a sex tape.”
There’s a loud knock on the door of Jude’s hotel room. He walks across to it, “Hang on, just got to…”
He pulls open the door to find Robert leaning against the door jamb, small video camera dangling from one finger.
“In or out?”
*****
Notes: Inspired by this interview. For those who can't or don't want to watch it, the important part is below:
James: How many times did you have sex with Michael Fassbender?
Interviewer: That was the question. And what is the answer?
James: Four.
Interviewer: Four times, four times. And how tender a lover is he?
James: Define tender?
Interviewer: I guess a little bit of spooning afterwards? Some snuggles? Maybe a little *kissing noise* on the neck?
James: *shakes head* I’m left to take care of myself after.
I made an off handed comment to a friend about how Robert and Jude would need to leak a sex tape to beat these two now and this just happened.