The Encounter
This past Saturday was a nice easy one for me. I didn't do a lot, didn't get a lot done and for the first time in awhile I didn't feel guilty about it. What I did do was watch a lot of Netflix and in the midst of it I stumbled upon a movie I'd had in my queue for awhile but never felt like watching. It's called "The Encounter" and it was really... I feel like saying it was good would be misleading. It was enriching. I think that's the best word I could use. If you ignore the grade B acting (for the most part. Some were better than others) and just concentrate on the story you can't walk away from this film and not be touched by it on some level. I think it will be different and personal for everyone who sees it and I can't recommed it enough.
I found myself really connected to one ccertain character and my reaction to her story and just about everything else about her made me realize some things about myself. I have a lot of healing that still needs to happen. I feel like I have this giant gaping wound that is always covered with a thin layer of protection but is so vulnerable to being opened up again and, again, healing over the wrong way. And in all honesty I don't know how to change it. Maybe I need to go back into counseling, I don't know. But it was very much a, "Hey, you're not as whole as you think you are," kind of moment for me. Not that I really think I'm doing all that great but that was one area of my life I thought was better, bound up and taken care of. Apparently not.
All I know is I need to figure out something to do. I'm not stressed over the whole disability thing anymore and that in itself is a huge thing. I was sent a packet of papers to fill out full of questions that really let me get into what this breathing thing does to me, how it affects my day to day, my moods, everything. And I feel like, for the first time, it will give me the chance to be heard. I'm actually feeling fairly optimistic about it now and I know that's probably why all this other crap is being dragged back up to the surface. Because the enemy is not cool with me feeling good and happy, and he knows where to get me. And I don't intend on letting him win.
I'm also blocked for Book of Secrets which is really not helping. I have Cavalon in my head screaming at me to finish this scene at least and I just can't. I think I need to watch more medieval genre things, maybe finish up the Lemony Snickett book I still haven't finished and pick up a good medieval fantasy novel. I need something to fill my creative well and I know that whatever I'm filling my head with is what comes out easiest in writing. Like when I was big into "When They Cry"... man, the violent stuff I could write! I still watch an episode or two when I'm in the mood to work on "Aingeal." You just have to know where your muses lay waiting for you I guess.
Anyway, I leave with the trailer for the above mentioned movie. I mean it when I say anyone who can watch this movie should. Believer, non-believer, stuck somewhere in the middle. You will not walk away from it feeling the same.
I found myself really connected to one ccertain character and my reaction to her story and just about everything else about her made me realize some things about myself. I have a lot of healing that still needs to happen. I feel like I have this giant gaping wound that is always covered with a thin layer of protection but is so vulnerable to being opened up again and, again, healing over the wrong way. And in all honesty I don't know how to change it. Maybe I need to go back into counseling, I don't know. But it was very much a, "Hey, you're not as whole as you think you are," kind of moment for me. Not that I really think I'm doing all that great but that was one area of my life I thought was better, bound up and taken care of. Apparently not.
All I know is I need to figure out something to do. I'm not stressed over the whole disability thing anymore and that in itself is a huge thing. I was sent a packet of papers to fill out full of questions that really let me get into what this breathing thing does to me, how it affects my day to day, my moods, everything. And I feel like, for the first time, it will give me the chance to be heard. I'm actually feeling fairly optimistic about it now and I know that's probably why all this other crap is being dragged back up to the surface. Because the enemy is not cool with me feeling good and happy, and he knows where to get me. And I don't intend on letting him win.
I'm also blocked for Book of Secrets which is really not helping. I have Cavalon in my head screaming at me to finish this scene at least and I just can't. I think I need to watch more medieval genre things, maybe finish up the Lemony Snickett book I still haven't finished and pick up a good medieval fantasy novel. I need something to fill my creative well and I know that whatever I'm filling my head with is what comes out easiest in writing. Like when I was big into "When They Cry"... man, the violent stuff I could write! I still watch an episode or two when I'm in the mood to work on "Aingeal." You just have to know where your muses lay waiting for you I guess.
Anyway, I leave with the trailer for the above mentioned movie. I mean it when I say anyone who can watch this movie should. Believer, non-believer, stuck somewhere in the middle. You will not walk away from it feeling the same.
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