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It feels terribly intimidating to realise how distinctly foreign and distant what i have always believed in and felt so comfortable about has become. But honestly i realised, I'm not as vulnerable as I think I am. It just felt like someone took a hammer to those walls that i built up overtime and left me so..exposed, and annoyingly un-independent (yea no such word but i refuse to use the opposing term)... and now i'm building it up brick by brick again. Which would be easy cos i'm pretty sure that i can
Of late, i've been regaining parts of who i used to be- enjoying those small little bits of contentment (i felt like a little girl on the phone last night, but not like the person on the other end wasn't experiencing the same kind of hysteria about _ hehehe) and recovering certainty into my life. I really like the fact that now i know what i want when i get out of this academic shit and even though all this knowledge that i'm getting in jc life is going to be useless and i've yet to fully understand what i have to set on this path (yea see i'm forming another mould in this part of my life haha), i hope someday i will. and i also wish that if things don't stick to this certain way i want it to be again, i wld be able to step out of that comfort zone and put things into a perspective from an angle that i thought i wldn't be able to grasp then.
If you never act, you will never know for sure. I guess that was in a way something that made me and broke me as well. Hurting you with what i said, if it ever did, was the last on my agenda... i just felt it so strongly and it was because i felt like i had to do it. Not like you actually give a damn, anyway.
And so many other things have become a part of who I am, i'm glad for that.
Of late, i've been regaining parts of who i used to be- enjoying those small little bits of contentment (i felt like a little girl on the phone last night, but not like the person on the other end wasn't experiencing the same kind of hysteria about _ hehehe) and recovering certainty into my life. I really like the fact that now i know what i want when i get out of this academic shit and even though all this knowledge that i'm getting in jc life is going to be useless and i've yet to fully understand what i have to set on this path (yea see i'm forming another mould in this part of my life haha), i hope someday i will. and i also wish that if things don't stick to this certain way i want it to be again, i wld be able to step out of that comfort zone and put things into a perspective from an angle that i thought i wldn't be able to grasp then.
If you never act, you will never know for sure. I guess that was in a way something that made me and broke me as well. Hurting you with what i said, if it ever did, was the last on my agenda... i just felt it so strongly and it was because i felt like i had to do it. Not like you actually give a damn, anyway.
And so many other things have become a part of who I am, i'm glad for that.