The Hub 2 Challenge: 2
Title: Mental Americans, Mental Bureaucracy, Mental Century(?)
Characters: Jack, John, Rhys, Ianto and Gwen
Rating: PG
Genre: General, humour hopefully
Warnings/Spoilers: none really (no big ones I think) but set after S2
Summary: After an accident with John s wrist strap Jack, John and Rhys find themselves in a cell
"Oi, get me out of here!"
Rhys Williams was desperate. This day had started so nicely, just how did everything come down to that?
"Forget it chubbs, don't you recognize a cell when you're in it?"
A disinterested pair of eyes flickered between his fellow two prisoners before John Hart folded his arms behind his head and slumped back against the perfect white of the wall. Jack on the other hand was thinking, Rhys thought, at least he made the impression of being in thought but from all Rhys knew he could have also been thinking about how to get that other strange man as quickly out of his strange red jacket as possible. There were looks flying through this room which made him clearly more than just uncomfortable. "Even if I hate to admit it; he is right Rhys all we can do now is wait."
"Wait?" Whoo, Jack thought, Rhys was kinda scary when he was angry. "WAIT???"
More than just anger was bubbling beneath Rhys red faced surface and the fact that the other man was trying to soothe him with a blinding 'shag me' grin was even more than just irritating and altogether doing nothing to improve his mood. For a moment he contemplated the merits of decorating this grin with his fist but then decided contrary to his gut feeling against punching the other man. He would need him if he wanted to see Gwen ever again. Damn aliens!
"We're in some bloody alien cell and I don't know where Gwen is. It's your fault that we're here captain!"
"Whooow." Now Jack got angry.
"First of all: We wouldn't be here if you hadn't meddled with our business in the first place! And second: Not only Gwen but also Ianto is missing. And I wanna know where they are as much as you do!" The angry Welshman was now so close to Jack that their noses almost touched.
Both were snapped out of their frenzy by a sarcastic chuckle and half hearted applause.
"Finally some action!"
"YOU!" Now both turned around towards him and the second captain couldn t help the fleeting arousal he felt suddenly facing all this testosterone, "You!" John gasped when Jack slammed him into the wall. "You are the reason for all this."
John grinned salaciously; Jack was fun when he was like this. He looked over to his little friend. Chubbs was interesting; first he seemed boring to John but this passion...a man with attitude; he slowly began to see what PMT-girl saw in him. Shame that she and candy boy were missing in their merry round. Three guys and a girl locked in a cell: So much fun potential but instead he was trapped with two hormone driven slaves without their mistresses.
"Where are we?"
"Oh I love it when you're growling, do that again."
"You've got no clue." Jack shoved him back into the wall and turned away from him. "Great!"
John looked down on his hands, picking imaginary dirt from his nails. "I wasn't finished setting the coordinates."
Which caused an agitated Jack to turn back, hissing "Why did you grab me anyway?"
"Wanted to show you what you're missing. "The other man shrugged. "Wonders of the universe and stuff."
"What about 'sightseeing'?"
"Got bored."
"Aaw, don't say you missed me."
Rhys had watched them for a while before he cut in. "Could you both drop that... he pulled a face flirting now?"
"Why? Wanna join in?" God the other one was almost as almost as bad as Jackadoo.
Jack cocked his right eyebrow at John. "I didn't know Rhys was your type."
"Well, he s got passion."
"And one hell of a swing."
"Ooh sounds dangerous." he turned over to give Rhys a first-class smoulder "Wanna have a go with me too?"
Jack couldn't suppress a chuckle when Rhys blushed tomato-red and sat on the ground with folded arms muttering something about 'mental Americans'.
Suddenly something got going in their cell.
The middle of the equally white ground was glowing and without a warning a figure moulded itself out of the ground.
"Welcome to our quarantine facilities."
"Fuck what is that thing?"
"Calm down Rhys, it's just a cybernetic projection of a..."
"A cyber-what??"
"It's just the answering machine chubbs."
Rhys eyed that thing -which looked very much like a man- suspiciously "So that thing's not real."
"I am no real person if that is your question. I am the interactive interface of this holding cell. Call me Les."
The white-clad man gave him a toothpaste-advert smile.
Great. Another one.
"... It answered me!"
"Yeah, I think we got that Rhys."
Jack turned towards the interface "Ok, Les where are we?"
"Central Quarantine Block C"
"Where exactly?"
"You are currently in the district of Cardiff on planet earth."
distri Rhys head shot up when he heard Jack s sharp intake of breath. "Which year is it?"
"It is the year 2378 in earth time."
"Oh fuck..."
Both captains looked at each other, apparently having the same thought.
Rhys looked from one man to another "What?"
But Jack turned back towards the interface, ignoring him completely.
"There were two other people with us: a man and a woman. Where are they?"
"I'm afraid I can't give you this information."
"Are they alive?"
"I cannot give you access to this information."
"Let me guess..." Jack palmed his face with a groan "We can apply for access to this information?"
Les nodded "Affirmative."
"The whole building is under quarantine you said?"
"Affirmative."
"And we can get all the needed forms in this block?"
"Affirmative."
"So we can get out of this cell?"
"Scanning finished, no sign of infectious diseases Access to office area granted. "
A hole opened in the wall displaying three sets of beige coloured robes in three different sizes.
"Please put on these specifically for you fabricated garment, it will help to register and identify you."
"Wait a what?" Rhys head was throbbing. He wasn t on some alien planet but on earth, in Cardiff! But the look in Jack s face was more than just slightly unnerving him.
This time it was John who answered him. "Once we put them on, they won t get off again until they get deactivated again."
" deactivated? How?"
"We have to apply for it." Jack now sounded completely annoyed and started to change his clothes.
"What if we refuse to put them on?"
"Oh believe me chubbs " John shuddered "You don t wanna know "
It took them a while to get completely changed especially because Rhys refused to undress with the other two men watching which had caused much talking and less changing and more than just one inappropriate remark into his general direction.
"Preliminary registration: complete. Please follow the signs to office 18-Z 701-B. We wish you a comfortable stay."
And without a warning Les dissolved back into the ground.
"Whoa." John was a little bit startled by the fact that the wall he used for leverage suddenly dematerialized behind his back but grinned when he realized that the whole was actually a door and not just another hidden cupboard. "A door, great!" He rubbed the palms of his hands together. "Let's look for candy boy, I'm bored!" Rhys just looked quizzically over at Jack who just shrugged and then followed the other man.
Rhys sighed again something told him that this day was going to take long.
The door led to a long hallway which only seemed to lead to an enormous mass of other hallways and staircases. John didn t really seem to have a clue where he was walking to and with every step he made Rhys annoyance grew bigger.
"Why did you say 'shit'?"
Jack scratched the back of his head, looking as annoyed as he felt. "We're on earth in the 24th century."
and?
"We've been here before." John made a vague gesture with his hands "This is the worst time you could be stuck in chubbs."
"Why?" Rhys smiled insecurely at the two other men. "Man-eating aliens?"
Both captains faced each other and gave a frightening synchronic sigh "If only "
After a seemingly endless odyssey through the complex they finally arrived at a giant gate saying 18-Z 701.
"Lo and behold; I've found it!"
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while." Jack muttered
"Hey, you followed me, didn t you? Who you say is the bigger fool: the fool who's leading the way or the fool who's following him?"
"At least my face isn't wrinkled."
"Right, must be the fat pushing the wrinkles out of your body."
"Well better fat than "
"Oi! Could you both stop bickering now?? How are we supposed to get in?"
"I've been asking that myself since we arrived here chubbs."
Rhys retreated a little when John leered at him salaciously but he held his glare.
"I don t suppose you found a way, have you?"
"Naah." The other man shrugged at him nonchalantly "Still working on it sunshine."
"Well " Rhys palmed his face with his hand when Jack's voice broke the tense silence.
"While you two were flirting I found this!" He touched a monitor which immediately sprang into life.
"Welcome to office segment 18-Z 701, how can I help you?"
"Hi there." Jack smiled at the projection of the blonde woman on the screen. "Captain Jack Harkness, we were told to go to office 18-Z 701-B to apply for the access to information considering the whereabouts of two friends of mine, think you could help out?"
"Processing your request please stay on hold the door will open when the operator is ready."
And with no other notice the screen switched off.
"Hey!" Jack banged against the screen but it stayed black. They had to be kidding him, right? He d now been on his feet for more than 48 hours without eating hmpf, stupid rift and his blood sugar level was beginning to run dangerously low.
"Give it up princess, be a good girl and wait for your call. Can t help it with these frigid cyber-cows. They don t give in only because the rear of the year s batting an eyelid at them."
Jack glared at the screen and sighed "Guess you re right." His last hit was quite rough and he turned away from that offending thing rubbing his fist. "What's just happened to the good old personal customer service?" Jack huffed "Oh right, laid off in the 23rd. God I hate this century!"
Jack grumbled some more before he sat between Rhys and the other man who had crept dangerously close to Gwen s husband. He wasn t quite sure whom he was protecting from whom because Jack knew better than anybody else that one shouldn t get in the way of an agitated Rhys Williams and Jack could sense that he was currently boiling underneath his woollen robe.
Time was passing annoyingly slow or not; John couldn t tell. There was nothing to indicate time in any way in this building and neither his wrist strap nor Jack s were there when they woke up in their cell. This was boring, this century was boring and their bureaucratic system was fatally retarded. He already considered jumping Jack only to wind chubbs a little up, at least they would be doing something instead of staring at their hands. John s head shot up when the screen flickered on again.
"Your operator is ready, please progress."
The black gate dissolved and made way to a round, plain white room with chairs arranged around the centre of it. There was no sign of a life form but Rhys just followed the other two men to the middle of the room and sat down just like they did. He wasn t even surprised anymore when the same happened as in their cell and a body moulded itself out of the ground.
"Welcome to office 18-Z 701-B. I'm your operator Les."
Rhys jumped up "Hey wait a minute, you were in our cell!"
"That is right."
"Why did we have to take all this way over here then??? You could have let us do this application thing over there!"
"You would have required an extra application for this alternative procedure but yes."
Jack groaned and palmed his face "Then why didn't you tell us?"
Rhys slumped back into the chair which gave an alarming creak.
"Because we didn't ask him" John stared at their operator, undecided whether to be highly amused or highly pissed.
"That is right."
"Anyway " Jack snapped back into business mode "Application, now!"
"As you wish."
Three laser screens appeared in front of the three men.
"Please fill in these forms."
"In case of accidental temporal displacement in a larger grou -what?" Rhys frowned and squirmed in his chair.
"Further explanation can be found in our 48 Din A4-page long appendix."
"Forty-eight " Rhys gasped and squirmed again. "You're not for real, right?"
"I don't understand."
Jack was currently stuck at question no.8 and tried to figure out whether he was concerned with systematic temporal invasions into this time "Just keep on filling it, the sooner you finish, the sooner we know where Gwen is."
John actually considered to put a cross on yes at the question 'Are you contemplating to commit unlawful actions?' only to test out the reaction but then he decided against it; some things just weren t worth it.
"Fucking bureaucracy."
Everyone was jaded when they finally finished the forms and Rhys felt like having filled the tax forms of ten years.
"Registration process: completed. Welcome Captain Jack Harkness, Captain John Hart and Rhys Williams."
" registration "
The three men gawped at Les and Rhys jumped up again.
"Are you saying this wasn t this 'application for access'- thing yet?"
"No, you have to be fully registered to qualify for application."
Jack groaned "Fine, bring it on!"
"Let s hope Xena and candy-boy are worth it." John added muttering
"Shut up and start answering the questions!"
"Fine."
Somewhere midway through question thirty-seven "Are you having an intimate relationship with a non-humanoid life form y/n if yes: are you having any offspring?"
Les paused
"Incoming update considering Captain Jack Harkness, Captain John Hart and Rhys Williams "
Rhys squirmed again "Is it " the wall dissolved again and in exactly this instant Rhys' chair collapsed but not before making another dangerous creak.
Jack's eyes flickered between the baffled Welshman on the ground, the sad remains of his chair, the other captain and the immaculately dressed Welshman on the threshold of a different door than the one where they came from.
"Rhyyys!" Gwen stormed towards her husband and pulled him into a bear-hug. "Are you alright honey?"
"Yeah, I m fine just get me away from these loonies over there." Gwen grinned and gave him a kiss "We've still got to finish our dinner."
"You bet, but I m afraid the tortellinis are cold now."
"Candy boy! We missed you and missus over there."
Ianto ignored the other man and hugged Jack instead who had walked towards him as soon as he recognised him "God I missed you!" The young man chuckled looking from one man to another "I bet."
"Hey, why are eye-candy and Gwen allowed to wear their clothes?"
"Ianto Jones and Gwen Cooper have officially passed the quarantine and are therefore admitted to wear the attire they arrived in."
Jack looked incredulously at the young man "What ?"
"We finished all the forms and were released. I filled them for you too but Sol..." he nodded over to a walking copy of Les "couldn t find you until you registered."
"Does that mean I can get out of this potato-bag?"
Les nodded at Jack "Affirmative."
A whole opened in the ground and produced their personal possessions.
"As soon as you return the possessions of this facility you are free to roam the district of Cardiff or planet Earth if you like to."
"You are; I'm off." John was determined to make his quick exit but got stopped by Ianto.
"Not so fast."
"Oh I like it when you're bossy." The young man barely suppressed another eye roll and looked at Jack who was just finished pulling the braces over his shoulders.
"You've gotta bring us back first and then you're free to go wherever you want."
"And why should I do that?"
Jack grinned deviously at the other man.
"Because paperwork's not the only thing Ianto is incredibly good at."
"I ve still got a few appointments in the 21st century to catch and I never miss an appointment."
"And I m in no mood to pick up the shreds after he's finished."
"Fine." John grumbled after another look at the young Welshman and entered a few commands into his wrist strap.
"What about a good old orgy when we re back in your boring time? I still didn t get the chance to see chubbs naked."
Gwen who had previously taken care of Rhys jumped up and glared at John "What???"
"No worries babe, you can join in too."
Rhys just shook his head and exchanged some glances with the amusedly smiling Welshman next to him before he muttered to himself " bloody mad, both of them Mental Americans."
Ianto just shrugged and tried not to laugh at the sight of a slightly terrified looking John Hart who was currently hiding behind a roaring Jack from the wrath of a rather agitated Gwen Cooper. The young man sighed dramatically and smiled at Rhys "No real change there then."
Characters: Jack, John, Rhys, Ianto and Gwen
Rating: PG
Genre: General, humour hopefully
Warnings/Spoilers: none really (no big ones I think) but set after S2
Summary: After an accident with John s wrist strap Jack, John and Rhys find themselves in a cell
"Oi, get me out of here!"
Rhys Williams was desperate. This day had started so nicely, just how did everything come down to that?
"Forget it chubbs, don't you recognize a cell when you're in it?"
A disinterested pair of eyes flickered between his fellow two prisoners before John Hart folded his arms behind his head and slumped back against the perfect white of the wall. Jack on the other hand was thinking, Rhys thought, at least he made the impression of being in thought but from all Rhys knew he could have also been thinking about how to get that other strange man as quickly out of his strange red jacket as possible. There were looks flying through this room which made him clearly more than just uncomfortable. "Even if I hate to admit it; he is right Rhys all we can do now is wait."
"Wait?" Whoo, Jack thought, Rhys was kinda scary when he was angry. "WAIT???"
More than just anger was bubbling beneath Rhys red faced surface and the fact that the other man was trying to soothe him with a blinding 'shag me' grin was even more than just irritating and altogether doing nothing to improve his mood. For a moment he contemplated the merits of decorating this grin with his fist but then decided contrary to his gut feeling against punching the other man. He would need him if he wanted to see Gwen ever again. Damn aliens!
"We're in some bloody alien cell and I don't know where Gwen is. It's your fault that we're here captain!"
"Whooow." Now Jack got angry.
"First of all: We wouldn't be here if you hadn't meddled with our business in the first place! And second: Not only Gwen but also Ianto is missing. And I wanna know where they are as much as you do!" The angry Welshman was now so close to Jack that their noses almost touched.
Both were snapped out of their frenzy by a sarcastic chuckle and half hearted applause.
"Finally some action!"
"YOU!" Now both turned around towards him and the second captain couldn t help the fleeting arousal he felt suddenly facing all this testosterone, "You!" John gasped when Jack slammed him into the wall. "You are the reason for all this."
John grinned salaciously; Jack was fun when he was like this. He looked over to his little friend. Chubbs was interesting; first he seemed boring to John but this passion...a man with attitude; he slowly began to see what PMT-girl saw in him. Shame that she and candy boy were missing in their merry round. Three guys and a girl locked in a cell: So much fun potential but instead he was trapped with two hormone driven slaves without their mistresses.
"Where are we?"
"Oh I love it when you're growling, do that again."
"You've got no clue." Jack shoved him back into the wall and turned away from him. "Great!"
John looked down on his hands, picking imaginary dirt from his nails. "I wasn't finished setting the coordinates."
Which caused an agitated Jack to turn back, hissing "Why did you grab me anyway?"
"Wanted to show you what you're missing. "The other man shrugged. "Wonders of the universe and stuff."
"What about 'sightseeing'?"
"Got bored."
"Aaw, don't say you missed me."
Rhys had watched them for a while before he cut in. "Could you both drop that... he pulled a face flirting now?"
"Why? Wanna join in?" God the other one was almost as almost as bad as Jackadoo.
Jack cocked his right eyebrow at John. "I didn't know Rhys was your type."
"Well, he s got passion."
"And one hell of a swing."
"Ooh sounds dangerous." he turned over to give Rhys a first-class smoulder "Wanna have a go with me too?"
Jack couldn't suppress a chuckle when Rhys blushed tomato-red and sat on the ground with folded arms muttering something about 'mental Americans'.
Suddenly something got going in their cell.
The middle of the equally white ground was glowing and without a warning a figure moulded itself out of the ground.
"Welcome to our quarantine facilities."
"Fuck what is that thing?"
"Calm down Rhys, it's just a cybernetic projection of a..."
"A cyber-what??"
"It's just the answering machine chubbs."
Rhys eyed that thing -which looked very much like a man- suspiciously "So that thing's not real."
"I am no real person if that is your question. I am the interactive interface of this holding cell. Call me Les."
The white-clad man gave him a toothpaste-advert smile.
Great. Another one.
"... It answered me!"
"Yeah, I think we got that Rhys."
Jack turned towards the interface "Ok, Les where are we?"
"Central Quarantine Block C"
"Where exactly?"
"You are currently in the district of Cardiff on planet earth."
distri Rhys head shot up when he heard Jack s sharp intake of breath. "Which year is it?"
"It is the year 2378 in earth time."
"Oh fuck..."
Both captains looked at each other, apparently having the same thought.
Rhys looked from one man to another "What?"
But Jack turned back towards the interface, ignoring him completely.
"There were two other people with us: a man and a woman. Where are they?"
"I'm afraid I can't give you this information."
"Are they alive?"
"I cannot give you access to this information."
"Let me guess..." Jack palmed his face with a groan "We can apply for access to this information?"
Les nodded "Affirmative."
"The whole building is under quarantine you said?"
"Affirmative."
"And we can get all the needed forms in this block?"
"Affirmative."
"So we can get out of this cell?"
"Scanning finished, no sign of infectious diseases Access to office area granted. "
A hole opened in the wall displaying three sets of beige coloured robes in three different sizes.
"Please put on these specifically for you fabricated garment, it will help to register and identify you."
"Wait a what?" Rhys head was throbbing. He wasn t on some alien planet but on earth, in Cardiff! But the look in Jack s face was more than just slightly unnerving him.
This time it was John who answered him. "Once we put them on, they won t get off again until they get deactivated again."
" deactivated? How?"
"We have to apply for it." Jack now sounded completely annoyed and started to change his clothes.
"What if we refuse to put them on?"
"Oh believe me chubbs " John shuddered "You don t wanna know "
It took them a while to get completely changed especially because Rhys refused to undress with the other two men watching which had caused much talking and less changing and more than just one inappropriate remark into his general direction.
"Preliminary registration: complete. Please follow the signs to office 18-Z 701-B. We wish you a comfortable stay."
And without a warning Les dissolved back into the ground.
"Whoa." John was a little bit startled by the fact that the wall he used for leverage suddenly dematerialized behind his back but grinned when he realized that the whole was actually a door and not just another hidden cupboard. "A door, great!" He rubbed the palms of his hands together. "Let's look for candy boy, I'm bored!" Rhys just looked quizzically over at Jack who just shrugged and then followed the other man.
Rhys sighed again something told him that this day was going to take long.
The door led to a long hallway which only seemed to lead to an enormous mass of other hallways and staircases. John didn t really seem to have a clue where he was walking to and with every step he made Rhys annoyance grew bigger.
"Why did you say 'shit'?"
Jack scratched the back of his head, looking as annoyed as he felt. "We're on earth in the 24th century."
and?
"We've been here before." John made a vague gesture with his hands "This is the worst time you could be stuck in chubbs."
"Why?" Rhys smiled insecurely at the two other men. "Man-eating aliens?"
Both captains faced each other and gave a frightening synchronic sigh "If only "
After a seemingly endless odyssey through the complex they finally arrived at a giant gate saying 18-Z 701.
"Lo and behold; I've found it!"
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while." Jack muttered
"Hey, you followed me, didn t you? Who you say is the bigger fool: the fool who's leading the way or the fool who's following him?"
"At least my face isn't wrinkled."
"Right, must be the fat pushing the wrinkles out of your body."
"Well better fat than "
"Oi! Could you both stop bickering now?? How are we supposed to get in?"
"I've been asking that myself since we arrived here chubbs."
Rhys retreated a little when John leered at him salaciously but he held his glare.
"I don t suppose you found a way, have you?"
"Naah." The other man shrugged at him nonchalantly "Still working on it sunshine."
"Well " Rhys palmed his face with his hand when Jack's voice broke the tense silence.
"While you two were flirting I found this!" He touched a monitor which immediately sprang into life.
"Welcome to office segment 18-Z 701, how can I help you?"
"Hi there." Jack smiled at the projection of the blonde woman on the screen. "Captain Jack Harkness, we were told to go to office 18-Z 701-B to apply for the access to information considering the whereabouts of two friends of mine, think you could help out?"
"Processing your request please stay on hold the door will open when the operator is ready."
And with no other notice the screen switched off.
"Hey!" Jack banged against the screen but it stayed black. They had to be kidding him, right? He d now been on his feet for more than 48 hours without eating hmpf, stupid rift and his blood sugar level was beginning to run dangerously low.
"Give it up princess, be a good girl and wait for your call. Can t help it with these frigid cyber-cows. They don t give in only because the rear of the year s batting an eyelid at them."
Jack glared at the screen and sighed "Guess you re right." His last hit was quite rough and he turned away from that offending thing rubbing his fist. "What's just happened to the good old personal customer service?" Jack huffed "Oh right, laid off in the 23rd. God I hate this century!"
Jack grumbled some more before he sat between Rhys and the other man who had crept dangerously close to Gwen s husband. He wasn t quite sure whom he was protecting from whom because Jack knew better than anybody else that one shouldn t get in the way of an agitated Rhys Williams and Jack could sense that he was currently boiling underneath his woollen robe.
Time was passing annoyingly slow or not; John couldn t tell. There was nothing to indicate time in any way in this building and neither his wrist strap nor Jack s were there when they woke up in their cell. This was boring, this century was boring and their bureaucratic system was fatally retarded. He already considered jumping Jack only to wind chubbs a little up, at least they would be doing something instead of staring at their hands. John s head shot up when the screen flickered on again.
"Your operator is ready, please progress."
The black gate dissolved and made way to a round, plain white room with chairs arranged around the centre of it. There was no sign of a life form but Rhys just followed the other two men to the middle of the room and sat down just like they did. He wasn t even surprised anymore when the same happened as in their cell and a body moulded itself out of the ground.
"Welcome to office 18-Z 701-B. I'm your operator Les."
Rhys jumped up "Hey wait a minute, you were in our cell!"
"That is right."
"Why did we have to take all this way over here then??? You could have let us do this application thing over there!"
"You would have required an extra application for this alternative procedure but yes."
Jack groaned and palmed his face "Then why didn't you tell us?"
Rhys slumped back into the chair which gave an alarming creak.
"Because we didn't ask him" John stared at their operator, undecided whether to be highly amused or highly pissed.
"That is right."
"Anyway " Jack snapped back into business mode "Application, now!"
"As you wish."
Three laser screens appeared in front of the three men.
"Please fill in these forms."
"In case of accidental temporal displacement in a larger grou -what?" Rhys frowned and squirmed in his chair.
"Further explanation can be found in our 48 Din A4-page long appendix."
"Forty-eight " Rhys gasped and squirmed again. "You're not for real, right?"
"I don't understand."
Jack was currently stuck at question no.8 and tried to figure out whether he was concerned with systematic temporal invasions into this time "Just keep on filling it, the sooner you finish, the sooner we know where Gwen is."
John actually considered to put a cross on yes at the question 'Are you contemplating to commit unlawful actions?' only to test out the reaction but then he decided against it; some things just weren t worth it.
"Fucking bureaucracy."
Everyone was jaded when they finally finished the forms and Rhys felt like having filled the tax forms of ten years.
"Registration process: completed. Welcome Captain Jack Harkness, Captain John Hart and Rhys Williams."
" registration "
The three men gawped at Les and Rhys jumped up again.
"Are you saying this wasn t this 'application for access'- thing yet?"
"No, you have to be fully registered to qualify for application."
Jack groaned "Fine, bring it on!"
"Let s hope Xena and candy-boy are worth it." John added muttering
"Shut up and start answering the questions!"
"Fine."
Somewhere midway through question thirty-seven "Are you having an intimate relationship with a non-humanoid life form y/n if yes: are you having any offspring?"
Les paused
"Incoming update considering Captain Jack Harkness, Captain John Hart and Rhys Williams "
Rhys squirmed again "Is it " the wall dissolved again and in exactly this instant Rhys' chair collapsed but not before making another dangerous creak.
Jack's eyes flickered between the baffled Welshman on the ground, the sad remains of his chair, the other captain and the immaculately dressed Welshman on the threshold of a different door than the one where they came from.
"Rhyyys!" Gwen stormed towards her husband and pulled him into a bear-hug. "Are you alright honey?"
"Yeah, I m fine just get me away from these loonies over there." Gwen grinned and gave him a kiss "We've still got to finish our dinner."
"You bet, but I m afraid the tortellinis are cold now."
"Candy boy! We missed you and missus over there."
Ianto ignored the other man and hugged Jack instead who had walked towards him as soon as he recognised him "God I missed you!" The young man chuckled looking from one man to another "I bet."
"Hey, why are eye-candy and Gwen allowed to wear their clothes?"
"Ianto Jones and Gwen Cooper have officially passed the quarantine and are therefore admitted to wear the attire they arrived in."
Jack looked incredulously at the young man "What ?"
"We finished all the forms and were released. I filled them for you too but Sol..." he nodded over to a walking copy of Les "couldn t find you until you registered."
"Does that mean I can get out of this potato-bag?"
Les nodded at Jack "Affirmative."
A whole opened in the ground and produced their personal possessions.
"As soon as you return the possessions of this facility you are free to roam the district of Cardiff or planet Earth if you like to."
"You are; I'm off." John was determined to make his quick exit but got stopped by Ianto.
"Not so fast."
"Oh I like it when you're bossy." The young man barely suppressed another eye roll and looked at Jack who was just finished pulling the braces over his shoulders.
"You've gotta bring us back first and then you're free to go wherever you want."
"And why should I do that?"
Jack grinned deviously at the other man.
"Because paperwork's not the only thing Ianto is incredibly good at."
"I ve still got a few appointments in the 21st century to catch and I never miss an appointment."
"And I m in no mood to pick up the shreds after he's finished."
"Fine." John grumbled after another look at the young Welshman and entered a few commands into his wrist strap.
"What about a good old orgy when we re back in your boring time? I still didn t get the chance to see chubbs naked."
Gwen who had previously taken care of Rhys jumped up and glared at John "What???"
"No worries babe, you can join in too."
Rhys just shook his head and exchanged some glances with the amusedly smiling Welshman next to him before he muttered to himself " bloody mad, both of them Mental Americans."
Ianto just shrugged and tried not to laugh at the sight of a slightly terrified looking John Hart who was currently hiding behind a roaring Jack from the wrath of a rather agitated Gwen Cooper. The young man sighed dramatically and smiled at Rhys "No real change there then."