Rainy Ramblings with a Touch of Sleepy Time
It's now 9:21pm.
It's been a slow evening, thanks to the rainy weather and cold air in Aiea. It's been raining all day which is not bad but it made me sleepy and long for a big bed with tons of down feather pillows, hot chocolate and a great stack of books, as well as one luscious, sexy, handsome man named Brian at my side. Too bad my imagination was not the stroke of Aladdin's lamp.
I went to church this evening from 4am-9pm. The sermon for the Oahu Church of Christ was held at the UH of Manoa ballroom and I was delighted by the sermon, as well as the singing. The sermon was fun to listen to, it was basically calling upon Christians to remember that our strength comes from God, that if we are to judge, then we shall be judged as well and that our hopes of being with God lies in ourselves, in our hearts. I sang along to the songs of " Soldier on the Battlefield" and " This Little Light of Mine". I paid a contribution of $5.00 and talked to the other women at the church gathering. I like three of them, Mary, Carol and this other really sweet woman. They wanted to know if I was planning on going to the Women's Night Out on Friday but I don't think I can because I have to work Saturday morning from 7am-3:30pm. So I am afraid I will decline.
I came home and curled up in bed, basically the carpeted floor until my mattress or futon can be bought. I thought about the movie I watched last night, The Constant Gardener. I loved it. I learned two things from that movie: One is that the irony of loving someone is that sometimes we have to protect them from the information we know which could endanger them because the knowledge endangers the person who knows the most. Two is that we should never have secrets which we would not mind being exposed. It also is a great view of what third world countries endure being as they are, with no food or clothing, no electricity or material means, just living as a purpose. I do not understand how people can underestimate life as much as some of us do. There were alot of shots of beautiful children with happy eyes, children who just knowing they can run, jump and play makes them happy. I am so saddened to see that children sometimes these days don't see how lucky they are. I am a passionate feeler and I feel things deep in me.
I have no secrets. It's not that I am an open book, I just choose to live with no secrets which could cause a problem.
I don't believe in having any shame in my life except forthe things which I have done which I wish I hadn't but there is always a learning lesson to them. I am beginnng to see to love one's self is to accept one's self and change if need be, the behavior which is causing more harm then benefiting. I breathe, I love and I live.
I think back on memories these days. Last night for example, I thought about Quantico, VA and was remembering funny details like the little mini mart store where I used to buy beef jerky and Diet coke, and the interesting fact that there was bomb shelters built near each house because the quarters were built back in the world war. I remember the houses were brick on the outside, white walls and plain wooden floors on the inside. The kitchens were old and not too appealing but it was home to me for a while. I remember the stairs creak and I remember my ex husband going down stairs inthe morning to put on his boots cause he did not want to wake me up doing down the stairs in them.
I remember the smell of VA too. I really like the smell of it. The scenery was beautiful, and the winters were so cold.
There were people there too that I would not forget. My friend, Chrissy, the military wife with a heart of gold who was my only friend there. The neighbors, Jenny who yelled at her small dog, Buster cause he was such a yapper, and Heather who yelled at her daughter, Brittany, " Little Miss, you come up here and take your bath now before I smack you!" and Allison who hated her husband, the MP Zach because she had no other life and made no other life for herself and she blamed the Marines for it.
Yes I lived the life of a military wife for 6 months but I knew more of it longer than any young woman by the time the marriage was over. I learned not to talk about my marriage with anyone except my own husband, that if I were to do anything disgraceful or wrong, my husband would be the one who be yelled at cause he was responsible for me and
that to respect the career my husband had as a Marine and to respect the life we had. I don't know if it had been any better if we had loved each other but I do know that it was not a marriage meant to be. I remember arguing and getting into a fight before we were to go into the courthouse to be married and I rememebr yelling, " Maybe we shouldn't do this. " Ah the past is gone but luckily its made me smarter and wiser. I never got a wedding ring or a honeymoon. I definately plan on having these the next time I wed. My ex, he was such an angry and unhappy young man, betrayed by his first wife whom he loved so much and the only thing I can do now is hope that hes better as a person and that maybe he found some happiness at last. Like I have...
Enough for tonight. I need to sleep and not think anymore. I miss the Brian, the man I love, I wish he was here at my side.
God bless you all. God bless America and may us all be at peace.
It's been a slow evening, thanks to the rainy weather and cold air in Aiea. It's been raining all day which is not bad but it made me sleepy and long for a big bed with tons of down feather pillows, hot chocolate and a great stack of books, as well as one luscious, sexy, handsome man named Brian at my side. Too bad my imagination was not the stroke of Aladdin's lamp.
I went to church this evening from 4am-9pm. The sermon for the Oahu Church of Christ was held at the UH of Manoa ballroom and I was delighted by the sermon, as well as the singing. The sermon was fun to listen to, it was basically calling upon Christians to remember that our strength comes from God, that if we are to judge, then we shall be judged as well and that our hopes of being with God lies in ourselves, in our hearts. I sang along to the songs of " Soldier on the Battlefield" and " This Little Light of Mine". I paid a contribution of $5.00 and talked to the other women at the church gathering. I like three of them, Mary, Carol and this other really sweet woman. They wanted to know if I was planning on going to the Women's Night Out on Friday but I don't think I can because I have to work Saturday morning from 7am-3:30pm. So I am afraid I will decline.
I came home and curled up in bed, basically the carpeted floor until my mattress or futon can be bought. I thought about the movie I watched last night, The Constant Gardener. I loved it. I learned two things from that movie: One is that the irony of loving someone is that sometimes we have to protect them from the information we know which could endanger them because the knowledge endangers the person who knows the most. Two is that we should never have secrets which we would not mind being exposed. It also is a great view of what third world countries endure being as they are, with no food or clothing, no electricity or material means, just living as a purpose. I do not understand how people can underestimate life as much as some of us do. There were alot of shots of beautiful children with happy eyes, children who just knowing they can run, jump and play makes them happy. I am so saddened to see that children sometimes these days don't see how lucky they are. I am a passionate feeler and I feel things deep in me.
I have no secrets. It's not that I am an open book, I just choose to live with no secrets which could cause a problem.
I don't believe in having any shame in my life except forthe things which I have done which I wish I hadn't but there is always a learning lesson to them. I am beginnng to see to love one's self is to accept one's self and change if need be, the behavior which is causing more harm then benefiting. I breathe, I love and I live.
I think back on memories these days. Last night for example, I thought about Quantico, VA and was remembering funny details like the little mini mart store where I used to buy beef jerky and Diet coke, and the interesting fact that there was bomb shelters built near each house because the quarters were built back in the world war. I remember the houses were brick on the outside, white walls and plain wooden floors on the inside. The kitchens were old and not too appealing but it was home to me for a while. I remember the stairs creak and I remember my ex husband going down stairs inthe morning to put on his boots cause he did not want to wake me up doing down the stairs in them.
I remember the smell of VA too. I really like the smell of it. The scenery was beautiful, and the winters were so cold.
There were people there too that I would not forget. My friend, Chrissy, the military wife with a heart of gold who was my only friend there. The neighbors, Jenny who yelled at her small dog, Buster cause he was such a yapper, and Heather who yelled at her daughter, Brittany, " Little Miss, you come up here and take your bath now before I smack you!" and Allison who hated her husband, the MP Zach because she had no other life and made no other life for herself and she blamed the Marines for it.
Yes I lived the life of a military wife for 6 months but I knew more of it longer than any young woman by the time the marriage was over. I learned not to talk about my marriage with anyone except my own husband, that if I were to do anything disgraceful or wrong, my husband would be the one who be yelled at cause he was responsible for me and
that to respect the career my husband had as a Marine and to respect the life we had. I don't know if it had been any better if we had loved each other but I do know that it was not a marriage meant to be. I remember arguing and getting into a fight before we were to go into the courthouse to be married and I rememebr yelling, " Maybe we shouldn't do this. " Ah the past is gone but luckily its made me smarter and wiser. I never got a wedding ring or a honeymoon. I definately plan on having these the next time I wed. My ex, he was such an angry and unhappy young man, betrayed by his first wife whom he loved so much and the only thing I can do now is hope that hes better as a person and that maybe he found some happiness at last. Like I have...
Enough for tonight. I need to sleep and not think anymore. I miss the Brian, the man I love, I wish he was here at my side.
God bless you all. God bless America and may us all be at peace.