gah, what a dick

[myexcite]

I just don't know what to do anymore...Mark lied to me this morning to get out of watching Peanut. We got into it really bad the day before yesterday. He stormed out with Jennifer to go to her friend, Kelly's house. I packed all my shit and the baby's shit up and then realized that I had nowhere to go. So I was stuck. He came back and we talked out a little bit of the shit we were arguing about, but there's still a lot of shit we need to talk about. I didnt feel like talking, so I went to bed. Last night involved me getting drunk off of bud light (i drank like a whole 12 pack) and feeling sorry for myself because i'm too freakin scared to say anything to him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to grow up and tell him how it's going to be. Me and him are on 2 completely different levels. he's 21, i'm 17. I should have known that this shit wouldn't have worked out. I don't know what i was thinking. He told me the other day when he stormed out "I don't give a fuck if you're here or not when I get back". do you have any idea how that made me feel? That's the main thing that made me pack my shit up...but then I was stuck like a stupid ass with no place to go. I didn't realize til then just how much I had given up for him. I pretty much gave my whole family up for him. I gave all my friends up I know. They're so disgusted with me. I just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago to see about him dropping some money off for me for lunch, and he told me that "we need to talk". What the fuck have I done?? What have I done to piss him off this time? Am I not making enough money for him to spend? OR am I paying too much attention to the baby and not enough attention to him? OR is the house not clean enough for him? man, what the fuck have I gotten myself into.

by the way-I'm coming down next weekend for sure. Even if nobody comes with me. I just want to leave and get away from here...I would this weekend, but Mark's already spent all my money, so I'm screwed on that one.