(no subject)
I hate that I only write in here when I'm on the brink of going crazy, but I don't want to bother people I love with silly problems. I've said before(probably in about every entry in here), and I'll say it again. I just don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know if I was ever on track. A year at Penn State Beaver gave me nothing more than a loan to pay off and a lot of less than pleasant experiences. Now I'm going to CCBC and I still don't know what for. The other day I thought about becoming a DJ. I want to write, I really do, but every time I try nothing comes out. Things used to come out and even if it wasn't very good at least it was something. So now once again...I just don't know. I feel stuck in time. Like everyone around me is growing up, moving on, and doing things. I wish someone else would tell me what getting older is like, I need to know if I'm doing it right.
I can't help but feel I've missed something very important. I don't know how to relate to people. I love people, I really do they are fascinating, but I feel I take them for granted. In any case, as much as I love people I don't know how to relate to them. I don't know how you go about forming relationships and talking and being friends. Do I think to much? I don't want to be anti social and I don't want to be a "loner". I want to do things with other people. I want to spend my time doing something besides working and reading.
It's like I keep waiting for life to start or something, but I know it already has started and is taking place around me. And yet I'm still asking "Is this it?"
I can't help but feel I've missed something very important. I don't know how to relate to people. I love people, I really do they are fascinating, but I feel I take them for granted. In any case, as much as I love people I don't know how to relate to them. I don't know how you go about forming relationships and talking and being friends. Do I think to much? I don't want to be anti social and I don't want to be a "loner". I want to do things with other people. I want to spend my time doing something besides working and reading.
It's like I keep waiting for life to start or something, but I know it already has started and is taking place around me. And yet I'm still asking "Is this it?"