My thoughts for the day
Why is it that everytime we look to the sky we see blue
Why cant we just see what we realy want to see
New life a new love or whatever we need at the time
Realy honestly we day dream so much and we are in so much pain so much
Why cant life an day dreams be what we need them what we need to feel why is it that I am so scared!
I don’t understand whats wrong am I messed in the head or am I just to afraid to do what it is that I nee dot do
Am I afraid that if I could only imagine what I wanted in life that I could really understand what it is in life that I need
Do I need to be loved yes
Do I want to be held yes
Do I want to be hurt NO
How can I have all these things in life withouth the pain and suffering I keep having to deal with I realy don’t understand I read a quote today saying that you sould not find someone you could live with but find that someone that you cant live without
I want to keep people at a distance cause it makes life so easy it doesn’t hurt when your friends walk away it doesn’t hurt if thye were never realy there
If there is no one that close to you then you cant risk that feelintgo fo betrail and resentment you cant realy know how it hurts unless you’ve been there in so much pan that you cant take it anymore that you would rather die then actually deal with life in reality ment I could make one call and it would be over I wouldn’t be alone but I wouldn’t be happy either I just don’t undersand it anymore why would I rather be alone then with someone is it because I li,e being alone or is it because I want to wait for that right guy that can take my breath away that I can look at and know that I want to be with them forever that no mater what I do I cant get them out of my head
Why do yu do this to me I can be with you physically but emothionaly im at a distance I don’t know if this is my choice or yours anymore at first It was just … well It was no strings then you asked what I wanted it to be if I wanted more out of it It realy made me think about what I was doing I love what you do to me I love having you there I love the feeling I get when I think of you and not just physically but emotionally you make me feel safe you accept me for who I am but I don’t know what im allowed to feel am I allowed to care or if I start to start to feel will I be hurt am I feeling this cause we slept together I dono but we haven’t been together in 3 weeks and yet I still want you to hold me and it scares the living shit out of me I am currently keeping you at a distance cause if you only see me as some sexual conquest that im just there for you to play with that you don’t actually have any feelings for me it confuses me so much I dono if your just scared to tell me that you want more cause we said no strings now its no strings or is ther strings you want to get together more often which is totally good with me but realy what is it that your looking for are you looking for just a good time or do you truly want this to go into more thatn this do YOU want a relationship
And whats with friends now days with the whole treating you like shit and wanting you to be ther whein they need you realy I don’t get it they can be so full of themselves and I just don’t get it some days I just don’t understand why it is that we get like this like we can treat them like shit and that they will be there when we need them am not by anym means saying I have not done this cause I defitly know I have and im not saying im proud of it cause im not in anyway proud that ive treated my friends like shit but ive moved on apologized is this gods way of punishing me for doing what I did in the past to leave me miserable for my intire life for what making a few mistakes in life I just guess I have so much bent upo anger in life aobut lots of things and I don’t care cause I need it all out and need to be able to spew my perverbial word bullshit cause damn its so eating me out instide and I cant take it anymore so instead of being bitchy to those people around me that truly don’t deserve it ill spew it here where no one cares what I say or do cause it doesn’t make a big deal this is my life and ill say what I feel not what you wnt me to feel
I have so man bent up thoughts going through my head right notwo I just don’t understand why im being punished maybe im punishing myself maybe I don’t want to be happy I dono anymore it drives me bonkers not knowig what I feel and im the only one in my group of friends that’s a psych major so ya if I were them and had my shit id come to me to help figure this fucked up shit out but I cant cause its dumb I can solve or help solve everything for everyone else but cant help myself even just a little its ARGGG well I think im done bitching for now here are my thoughts so ya suck it up if you don’t like it I don’t care cause I now feel better TTYL
Why cant we just see what we realy want to see
New life a new love or whatever we need at the time
Realy honestly we day dream so much and we are in so much pain so much
Why cant life an day dreams be what we need them what we need to feel why is it that I am so scared!
I don’t understand whats wrong am I messed in the head or am I just to afraid to do what it is that I nee dot do
Am I afraid that if I could only imagine what I wanted in life that I could really understand what it is in life that I need
Do I need to be loved yes
Do I want to be held yes
Do I want to be hurt NO
How can I have all these things in life withouth the pain and suffering I keep having to deal with I realy don’t understand I read a quote today saying that you sould not find someone you could live with but find that someone that you cant live without
I want to keep people at a distance cause it makes life so easy it doesn’t hurt when your friends walk away it doesn’t hurt if thye were never realy there
If there is no one that close to you then you cant risk that feelintgo fo betrail and resentment you cant realy know how it hurts unless you’ve been there in so much pan that you cant take it anymore that you would rather die then actually deal with life in reality ment I could make one call and it would be over I wouldn’t be alone but I wouldn’t be happy either I just don’t undersand it anymore why would I rather be alone then with someone is it because I li,e being alone or is it because I want to wait for that right guy that can take my breath away that I can look at and know that I want to be with them forever that no mater what I do I cant get them out of my head
Why do yu do this to me I can be with you physically but emothionaly im at a distance I don’t know if this is my choice or yours anymore at first It was just … well It was no strings then you asked what I wanted it to be if I wanted more out of it It realy made me think about what I was doing I love what you do to me I love having you there I love the feeling I get when I think of you and not just physically but emotionally you make me feel safe you accept me for who I am but I don’t know what im allowed to feel am I allowed to care or if I start to start to feel will I be hurt am I feeling this cause we slept together I dono but we haven’t been together in 3 weeks and yet I still want you to hold me and it scares the living shit out of me I am currently keeping you at a distance cause if you only see me as some sexual conquest that im just there for you to play with that you don’t actually have any feelings for me it confuses me so much I dono if your just scared to tell me that you want more cause we said no strings now its no strings or is ther strings you want to get together more often which is totally good with me but realy what is it that your looking for are you looking for just a good time or do you truly want this to go into more thatn this do YOU want a relationship
And whats with friends now days with the whole treating you like shit and wanting you to be ther whein they need you realy I don’t get it they can be so full of themselves and I just don’t get it some days I just don’t understand why it is that we get like this like we can treat them like shit and that they will be there when we need them am not by anym means saying I have not done this cause I defitly know I have and im not saying im proud of it cause im not in anyway proud that ive treated my friends like shit but ive moved on apologized is this gods way of punishing me for doing what I did in the past to leave me miserable for my intire life for what making a few mistakes in life I just guess I have so much bent upo anger in life aobut lots of things and I don’t care cause I need it all out and need to be able to spew my perverbial word bullshit cause damn its so eating me out instide and I cant take it anymore so instead of being bitchy to those people around me that truly don’t deserve it ill spew it here where no one cares what I say or do cause it doesn’t make a big deal this is my life and ill say what I feel not what you wnt me to feel
I have so man bent up thoughts going through my head right notwo I just don’t understand why im being punished maybe im punishing myself maybe I don’t want to be happy I dono anymore it drives me bonkers not knowig what I feel and im the only one in my group of friends that’s a psych major so ya if I were them and had my shit id come to me to help figure this fucked up shit out but I cant cause its dumb I can solve or help solve everything for everyone else but cant help myself even just a little its ARGGG well I think im done bitching for now here are my thoughts so ya suck it up if you don’t like it I don’t care cause I now feel better TTYL