I hate my mood-swings
This morning I woke up and felt slightly depressed. I looked out the window, it was snowing. I pushed the on button on my stereo, and hoped Peter would cheer me up, but no.
Again I looked out the window, heard the lyrics to snön föll, and I just cried.
I hate not knowing whats going on inside me, or rather what I really want to do. I want to escape this world in some sense.
But then I never show anyone. I walk around thinking my own depressive thoughts, but whenever anyone talk to me it's like i get pulled out of the deads sea. Its like every shade of gray that I am turns colourful when my hand, and then my head, and the rest of my gets pulled over the surface. And when I'm alone again, something just pulls me back in.
Sometimes I'm truly happy. And I think "If you WANT to be happy, be happy", but then moments like this just crashes my plans.
I keep forgetting that people actually read this blogg. I'm considering to block it now so only a chosen few can read it, as I mostly made it for my english friends. Problem is that then they have to make one themselves. I just write what I feel. it's not particularly interesting.. but it's pretty much as honest me as you can get me.
I should be taking the theoretical drivers test now, but I didn't feel like it as I felt ill when I woke up, and would like to study some more for it. I feel like my selfconfidence has taken some heavy beating. I used to be a fighter, at least an ickle bickle fighter, but now I can't be bothered.
My mum tells me " I dont think you will manage to take the drivers test" , I think "well, maybe I wont manage to take the drivers test. Screw the drivers test, im just not good enough for it". And in true Charlott "I can do anything well, and I will" style, I wont bother to even try.
Off to re-study the drivers test.
Again I looked out the window, heard the lyrics to snön föll, and I just cried.
I hate not knowing whats going on inside me, or rather what I really want to do. I want to escape this world in some sense.
But then I never show anyone. I walk around thinking my own depressive thoughts, but whenever anyone talk to me it's like i get pulled out of the deads sea. Its like every shade of gray that I am turns colourful when my hand, and then my head, and the rest of my gets pulled over the surface. And when I'm alone again, something just pulls me back in.
Sometimes I'm truly happy. And I think "If you WANT to be happy, be happy", but then moments like this just crashes my plans.
I keep forgetting that people actually read this blogg. I'm considering to block it now so only a chosen few can read it, as I mostly made it for my english friends. Problem is that then they have to make one themselves. I just write what I feel. it's not particularly interesting.. but it's pretty much as honest me as you can get me.
I should be taking the theoretical drivers test now, but I didn't feel like it as I felt ill when I woke up, and would like to study some more for it. I feel like my selfconfidence has taken some heavy beating. I used to be a fighter, at least an ickle bickle fighter, but now I can't be bothered.
My mum tells me " I dont think you will manage to take the drivers test" , I think "well, maybe I wont manage to take the drivers test. Screw the drivers test, im just not good enough for it". And in true Charlott "I can do anything well, and I will" style, I wont bother to even try.
Off to re-study the drivers test.