(no subject)
Another lapse of sadness
Not sure how many of you read my journal religiously or even at a whim so I don't know if anyone will really see this.
Well as many of you know I've been dealing with depression issues for just about 9 years now. I've hard some pretty hard times and some serious close calls with things, but all the while I've tried to get better and have fought. Yes, I have become so upset that I've done things I've regretted and still do regret to this day...which scares me. I don't want to fall back into that state of mind and being. I'm scared for my own life, my own sanity, my safety...
I can deal with it and also I can cover it up and pretend everything's "fine" because hey I'm an actress, it's what I'm made to do, right? Uh huh. I'm just really overwhelmed with so many different emotions at this point in time that I'm just in overdrive and cannot think through one thing at a time...Maybe part of me is scared to do that? To face down things...hm.
When friends ask me what's wrong...it's hard for me to even say because frankly a lot of the time I can't even pinpoint why exactly I'm feeling the way I am or even how I came to be in that state of mind. Maybe it's past things, present and my future all together that are scaring me? Just wish for once in my life I could let go of everything and really find happiness.
Tomorrow's another day...I guess.
♥xox-Sam
Not sure how many of you read my journal religiously or even at a whim so I don't know if anyone will really see this.
Well as many of you know I've been dealing with depression issues for just about 9 years now. I've hard some pretty hard times and some serious close calls with things, but all the while I've tried to get better and have fought. Yes, I have become so upset that I've done things I've regretted and still do regret to this day...which scares me. I don't want to fall back into that state of mind and being. I'm scared for my own life, my own sanity, my safety...
I can deal with it and also I can cover it up and pretend everything's "fine" because hey I'm an actress, it's what I'm made to do, right? Uh huh. I'm just really overwhelmed with so many different emotions at this point in time that I'm just in overdrive and cannot think through one thing at a time...Maybe part of me is scared to do that? To face down things...hm.
When friends ask me what's wrong...it's hard for me to even say because frankly a lot of the time I can't even pinpoint why exactly I'm feeling the way I am or even how I came to be in that state of mind. Maybe it's past things, present and my future all together that are scaring me? Just wish for once in my life I could let go of everything and really find happiness.
Tomorrow's another day...I guess.
♥xox-Sam