(no subject)
I havnt written in this in a really long time. Whats new? I dropped out of beauty school. I decided to go to college after I finish paying off my credit card bills. I want to be a social worker and work for child protective services. Im waitressing at Marie Calenders 6 days a week, so Im super busy with work all the time. Still single since Brandon and I broke up. I'm ok with it though. Im not ready for any relationships. I dont even think I believe in the whole relationship thing anymore. Im kinda tired of getting hurt. Its the same old fucking story you know?
Im going to be 20 on Saturday. Kinda scary. Im really overwhelmed by this whole growing up thing. By now Im suppose to either 1. have my cosmetology license or 2. be on my 3rd year of college and so far I dont have either. I dont feel like I have accomplished anything career wise and now I'm just sitting here wondering what the fuck have I been doing with myself? I dont have anything to show for what I've been doing.
Aside from that, I think I'm growing a lot more as a person. I've learned a lot of things these past few years. Its funny because I was just reading my past entries from the past 4 years and its crazy how much I am constantly changing and how much I've grown. I've been through a lot of shit in my life. I think drugs and trying to "fit in" have always been my main struggle. I've been clean for about a year. Which is good. Its the longest Ive been clean since I was 12. No joke. And the whole trying to fit in thing, I think that changes when you get older. I've accepted myself for who I am. Im tired of being what other people expect me to be, or what other people think is "cool". This is who I am. Take it or leave it.
I dont think people realize that when you're like 35, and when you have a full time career going, a family, pta meetings, soccer games and shit like that, your fuckin scene points arent going to matter. Your crew isnt going matter. How hard you mosh isnt going to matter either. Nothing matters. I highly doubt the kids you went to shows with are going to be in your life at that point either. Everything that happens in the scene isnt a life or death situation. Remeber that. Write it down. Anything negative that happens to you, they'll forget about it in like 6 months and move on to something else. I promise. So if you feel like that, dont. Cause everything passes with time.
I spent almost a month in jail, which isnt a lot of time, but its enough. One day is enough for me haha.
LWU is growing a lot. We got a lot of heads, and I think what makes us different than your average crew is that we're just a bunch of females who've been around in hardcore for a hot minute. There isnt a lot of us around anymore who are there for the right reasons. LWU is turning out to be a pretty positive thing which is really cool, and I'm glad I helped get it out. Its cool knowing that theres other rad chicks out there, who listen to down music and who have a lot of heart. Its really hard to find sincerity in people these days and all these girls are fucking amazing and Im glad to know them.
Thats all I got for right now.
Im going to be 20 on Saturday. Kinda scary. Im really overwhelmed by this whole growing up thing. By now Im suppose to either 1. have my cosmetology license or 2. be on my 3rd year of college and so far I dont have either. I dont feel like I have accomplished anything career wise and now I'm just sitting here wondering what the fuck have I been doing with myself? I dont have anything to show for what I've been doing.
Aside from that, I think I'm growing a lot more as a person. I've learned a lot of things these past few years. Its funny because I was just reading my past entries from the past 4 years and its crazy how much I am constantly changing and how much I've grown. I've been through a lot of shit in my life. I think drugs and trying to "fit in" have always been my main struggle. I've been clean for about a year. Which is good. Its the longest Ive been clean since I was 12. No joke. And the whole trying to fit in thing, I think that changes when you get older. I've accepted myself for who I am. Im tired of being what other people expect me to be, or what other people think is "cool". This is who I am. Take it or leave it.
I dont think people realize that when you're like 35, and when you have a full time career going, a family, pta meetings, soccer games and shit like that, your fuckin scene points arent going to matter. Your crew isnt going matter. How hard you mosh isnt going to matter either. Nothing matters. I highly doubt the kids you went to shows with are going to be in your life at that point either. Everything that happens in the scene isnt a life or death situation. Remeber that. Write it down. Anything negative that happens to you, they'll forget about it in like 6 months and move on to something else. I promise. So if you feel like that, dont. Cause everything passes with time.
I spent almost a month in jail, which isnt a lot of time, but its enough. One day is enough for me haha.
LWU is growing a lot. We got a lot of heads, and I think what makes us different than your average crew is that we're just a bunch of females who've been around in hardcore for a hot minute. There isnt a lot of us around anymore who are there for the right reasons. LWU is turning out to be a pretty positive thing which is really cool, and I'm glad I helped get it out. Its cool knowing that theres other rad chicks out there, who listen to down music and who have a lot of heart. Its really hard to find sincerity in people these days and all these girls are fucking amazing and Im glad to know them.
Thats all I got for right now.