Ahhhh, the News Should Soothe my Jangled Nerves...
This afternoon, Iason and I were watching The News Hour with Jim Leher before Mom came home. Despite us just hearing about it from Jim's temporary replacement, Mom wanted to watch CNN for Katarina news once she got home from work. A comparison:
The News Hour
Anchor: "In New Orleans, Katarina was not as bad as many experts were expecting. The city was hit by high winds, and some damage, but navigation through the city, while difficult, is possible. There is flooding in parts of the city, but city workers are working efficiently to clear any problems."
Paula Zahn Now
Field Reporter: Katarina's 24-Hour Terror! Paula, as you can see from these air shots, citizens are walking around shell-shocked by the damage. The city was hit by high winds and flooding, and residents should stay in their homes while flooding subsides. There may be undercurrents to any flooded waterways.
Paula Zahn: Not to mention, poisonous snakes!
Jason's and my hypothesis as to what was happening on Fox News
Anchor: BLAMMO! BLAMMO! BLAMMO! HIGH WINDS! BLAMMO! DEATHS IN THE THOUSANDS! BLAMMO! BLAMMO! JESUS! BLAMMO! BLAMMO! BLAMMO! RENEGADE JUDGES! BLAMMO! FLOODING! BLAMMO! BLAMMO! BLAMMO!!!
Journalism!
So last week, the Xanthopoulos Clan put hardwood floors in our dining room--not because we're bougey, but because the cats piss on the carpet--and moving the furniture back in involved all four of us and was, of course, a Sisyphean ordeal. We have a 250 lb. antique chest of drawers that in order to move took all four of us. Let's look at our contributions:
Dad: wanted to not plan and just have everyone grab an awkward corner and move it back in the room, despite the fact that there was nowhere to grip the goddamnable thing.
Jason: wanted to get a spare piece of carpet out of the basement, place chest on it, and slide it into room.
Damon: wanted Dad to shut the fuck up/listen to Jason.
Mom: wanted to read her book, The Forgotten Curses: Satan's Secret Battles Against Everyday Christians (no, rilly!).
In the end, we went with Jason's plan. Worked without a hitch. Case closed.
In other news, I started work on an essay about my antler. For those of you who don't know, I have an antler (osteochondroma) on the side of my knee. For others, here's my favorite quote from Sam: "Mom, Damon may have bone cancer."
And the conversation I had with the Doctor: "Mr. Xanthopoulos, you have an antler."
Me: "An antler!?!?!"
Quack: "Well, technically, it's called 'osteochondroma.'"
Me: "But you're going to call it an antler?"
Doc Oc: "Yes."
Me: "Will I shed it in the winter?"
I'm excited, aren't you?
~Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose Damon