Sarcasm! At Warehouse Prices!!!
Bartender, new icons all around!!!
Zach [-Attack] came home yesternight. He called, came over, talked, smoked, and then he passed out snoring--SNORING!!!--on my couch while watching Iron Chef America. Unacceptable. I know that Dustin's home too, but I hear he's injured himself, so hopefully he'll get better. If not, he can be our token invalid!
Anyhoo, I went running this morning. Why the hell is it so goddamn hot out?! Not to mention, Mom still has the heat on?? What the fuck is wrong with that woman??? While on the subject, why did she yell at all of us throughout dinner? She comes home, we have dinner, and she starts yelling at Dad about a computer virus??? A dramatization in one part:
Mother, deranged, lunatic......................Christopher Walken
Damon, cool, collected, hung.......................the Trix Rabbit
Jason, the wacky neighbor/brother................Timothy Leary
Father, local whipping-post.............................Bob Newhart
SCENE: The Xanthopoulos' Dinner Table, May 9, 1806
Father: I got a message that 20 emails have been sent from my address that I didn't send.
Mother: What you need to do is call AOL and get virus protector!!!
Damon: What are we talking about?
Mother: Because one virus can ruin a whole computer!!!
Damon: What are we talking about?
Father: We have virus alert, and it's always checking for--
Mother: Then we wouldn't have a virus, then, would we?!?!?!
Damon: Why are you yelling?
Mother: Because he has this virus--
Damon: Yes, but why are you yelling?
Mother: He needs to get his act together and stop--
Damon: But why--
Mother: Do you want to be sent away from this table?!?!
Damon: No, but--
MOTHER breaks water glass and thrusts it through DAMON's chest. JASON laughs. Curtain.
She needs to be stopped!!! Why is she the angriest person of all time?!?! Shouldn't the light of Christ shine through her and make her an example to others?
In other (nerdier) news, the preview for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe came out today, and I'm a better man for it. I got to see it, but when I tried to show it to Jason, it wouldn't work. Coincidence or divine intervention? You tell me??? But let me tell you, I'm sooooooo excited. Especially the ten year-old sexually repressed Evangelical Christian inside me!!!
Oh, by the by, last week's vocabulary word was "willy-nilly." This week's is guff. Try to work it into as many conversations as you can. And if people protest, don't put up with any of their guff.
I think I want to have a contest. Let's see who can find the faggiest picture of Taylor Hanson. If you're truly my friend, you'll participate without any guff. And no, you can't use the picture from two entries ago. Aaaaaaaaaaaaboo ya! I'll start.
Is this faggy, or just incestuous? It looks like he's waiting for his brothers to take the bait. And I don't think it's any surprise that Isaac is seriously considering it. Zac, however, is soooooo tired of Taylor's guff.
~Only One Who Thinks He's Funny Damon