(no subject)
the point is.. i fell into something that i new was the dummest and most pointless thing to do. no i need to figure out how to get out.... i cant belive how something that was the biggest joke ever turned into some serious feelings.. now its just constant yelling and hatetred.. i really despise the kid yet for somereason i adore him so much.. i never thought in a million years it would come to this.. he told me things that boyfriends tell their girlfriends.. he played a mind game.. yet i played right back.. cuz at first i didnt even like him i just made him think i did and played with his head.. but then the one day i saw a completely different side of him and decided that there is hope for him and maybe i can help him become human? i dont understand..it was going soo well for a while.. he expressed his feelings for me.. and told me he never felt this way about someone and that he doesnt know what to do.. im not sure i believed that cuz he prolly says that to everyone noww that i think of it.. but at the time i really felt like it was true.. and that deep down somewhere in this creature there is an actual normal person that is just looking for someone that actually likes him..and he knew at that point that i actually liked him.. but i dunno he doesnt care.. he lacks the ablility to feel anything...he doesnt know what feelings are.. he doenst understand that the things he does hurts other people.. i never cared that he talked to the girls that he talked to.. he just has a problem with taking a lil joke that i make about it and turning it into a serious issue.. i mean yeh maybe it bothered me a bit once i herd that he was fuckin around with other girls and tellin them that he wants nothing to do with me then call me and tell me how much he likes me and stuff and then he calls me and flips out when i hang out with guys and tells me that hes gonna kick their asses cuz im with them.. and he wants to fight like everyfriend i have.. yet i make one joke about a girl that i herd he like loves and he geeks out.. and now he threathens me and tells me that hes gonna get ppl to beat me up.. ha.. its just a ridiculous situation by now.. and it just makes no sense anymore to me.. i dont understand what goes through this kids head.. he has an issue.. i just dont understand how we hung out on monday.. and then tuesday he wants nothing to do with me anymore.. and till right now all he did was make mean fone calls threathening me.. like why does he waste his time.. i just wanna know.. he flipped out and told me to leave him alone.. well i called him once since tuesday.. and that was to ask for help with my gassless car.. and that was about it.. and he just calls like 4 times at random times in each day and says stupid shit .. there is no need for him.. and after the last 2 fonecalls.. im hopeing that it helps me realize how krazy and strange he really is cuz thats what he is.. and i just hope that i can get over this like i got over the rest of them.. i mean usually any sane girl would have stopped bothering with this kid like the second day they ever talked.. but i didnt.. i just kept going to him and kept falling for him.. even tho i told myself that i shouldnt.. like i fell for the biggest wierdest asshole physicotic douchebag fuck up that ever stepped foot on this earth.. and like i let him trest me like im the same thing.. yet i stay and answer to his every call.. but i think im through.. im done trying with him.. can u believe i actually cried over him.. ok i cried over about 3 guys in my life.. and he is one of them.. how sickening is that.. and i dont even know why.. i dont know why i like him cuz he is the opposite of everything i want.. he is the deffination of my hate toward guys.. i dont get it.. but i guess leave it to me.. to fall for the strangest ones.. i always pick the winners.. but whatever..i need to get over this somehow.. but forsome reason everytime i think its about him.. i hateee this.. and him calling me doesnt make it anybetter.. even tho hes saying dum things it still reminds me that hes there.. and it doesnt help.. but im prolly just gonna not let this bother me.. and just get over it asap.. cuz i cant take being hurt.. and thats what i am right now..actaully ive just been broken for about 3 years now.. but i know that im gonna say i gotta get over it right now.. and then when he decides not to be an asshole anymore and he calls me and acts all nice im gonna jump right back into the game.. so..i guess thats that..im out..