If this is growing up, I'd like to get off at the next stop, please.

[mycoocoocachoo]

I have not had a normal day since I was maybe, 12-13? Was there some plan God had for me that said shit was just always going to be touseled about in my life? That the undescribable was going to happen? I look at these people who I've been blessed with meeting/knowing in my lifetime and everything seems like it was so easy for them. Whether they be a stranger I met in a grocery line or someone I know so very well. They all woke up one day, knew EXACTLY what they were gonna do, did it, and they're like...fine. I can't even remember what I had for dinner two nights ago, let alone manage all of that. I've always had too much shit on my plate. Did I expect everything to get easier with age, etc? No. Not at all. It just feels like I've never had a break. And the only gap one might consider a break, I was deeply depressed, sleeping 12-14 hours a day, and starving through my emotions. I'm not saying I've had it SO bad or anything. I'm just saying...when's it my turn? It's bad enough I can't get an apartment with my friends until almost 2011, but...this...this is too much of a push and shove. If you don't want me here, just tell me.

I'm going to try to push through this next month ahead of me. I have family visiting and new memories to make. And, I'm going to get down to the very last nitty-gritty on my research for a career. I can't wait at RT's for too, too much longer. And I've got to make ends meet somehow. All I ask is that someone please cut me a break and watch over me?

Cor and Whit, please, don't leave my side. Thank you.