to my gods, to my lovers, to my brothers, and to mother fuckers.
i am human. my problems are petty, my actions are sometimes contrived and sometimes only for aesthetic reasons or social gain. i am insecure, jealous and lack any ability to trust. i try to fix this stuff all of the time. i am ignorant. it takes personal loss for me to have any ability whatsoever to ONLY sympathize for those losing all of the time. there are people starving to death and dying. there are brothers losing love, and friends seeking it. there are people who want to die, and try. there are helpless girlfriends who just want peace. there is almost always some idealistic expression of disaproval smeared across my objective face. it's about 200 miles to chicago but i bet it feels a world away. 200 miles equals 200,000,000,000 hopeless heartbeats. 200 miles equals 2 hours and 2 hours can feel like forever. 2 hours IS forever. i am irresponsible. i am incapable of regulating my finances, and even if by some miraculous turn of events i learned an ounce of fiscal responsibility, it would be way too late to catch up. i will continue to dissapoint friends, family and strangers. i will try my best. i am not perfect and that is perfect. i don't give a fuck if there is a light at the end of the tunnel or not, i will fucking get to the end of the tunnel. upon discovering the lack of light i will construct i generator from found parts and make a light. someone will be critical of this/me. someone is always critical. i am always critical. this is all old news to me and yet brand new. i am a hypocrite and completely aware of it. maybe that's apathy or maybe that's struggle. either way, it is mine. so, seriously, before you want to call me out on some shit, say something terrible about me, or try to hurt me (all in vein, either out of anger or derived from the instinctual desire of personal gain on any level) just know, i already fucking know, and if you can find it in your heart, refrain, simply refrain. i'll do the same.