Last Secret
Title: Last Secret
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Summary: Gerard gives away the last thing he’d held bottled up inside him
Warnings/Author's Note: Mentions of incest, language, lotsa emo. Thoughts and Flash backs are in italics. Also, this is my first real post. Please be brutally honest and tell me if I’m wasting my time.
Breathe, Gerard. You can do this.
My hands shook as I pressed the thick, black Sharpie to my last three hours’ labor. The words trickled awkwardly onto the page from my hand, covering up the black-and-white image I’d poured my soul into. Endless swirls lead into eternity and wide-eyed dancers seemed to swim across my vision as I tried to focus on the barely-legible, chunky script above them.
Why had I ever agreed to do this? What if he found out?
“C’mon, Gee. This is, like, the coolest fucking thing ever!”
“But what if he reads it? He’ll know it’s me.”
“He won’t. And even if he does, this shit is all anonymous. God, stop being such a pussy. Just do it.”
“Frank. No. I won’t.”
“If you don’t, I will for you.”
“No!”
“Better yet, I’ll just go ahead and tell Mikey.”
“You wouldn’t. No, don’t! Please!” I was on my knees, begging.
“Then do it.”
It was too late to turn back now. It was almost done. The damage was already there.
I’m such a fucking…
Tears threatened to escape as I squeezed my eyes shut so hard that painful colors sprayed across my vision.
Just finish it. Do it, finish it, get it over with.
I took a deep breath and pressed down hard onto the page. Tendrils of ink soaked through the thin paper as I finished the sentence.
“What’cha doin’, Gee?”
The voice from behind me quickly shook me from my daze and it took me a moment to recover. My heart raced and I hoped he wouldn’t come close enough to read.
“Gee?”
“I’m fine, Mikes. Leave me alone for a bit, will ya?” My voice came out as a strangled cry, efforts to mask my emotions proving useless.
“Okay, then. You sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah. M’fine.”
“Whatever you say.”
I exhaled in relief as I heard his footsteps fade into the distance. I realized that I had clutched the letter tightly to my chest in surprise. I smoothed out the small rectangle as best I could. A couple of the words were a bit smudged and there were still faint wrinkles, but otherwise there was no real damage. I took one last look at the messy writing.
I’m in love with my little brother but I’ve never told anyone
I slid the paper into an envelope, licked and sealed it. I allowed a few stray tears to trail down my cheeks as I shakily wrote the Post Secret address and pressed on a stamp. Slipping on my shoes and coat, I shuffled downstairs and out to the mailbox. I pulled open the freezing metal box and gingerly placed the envelope inside. The cool breeze nipped at my exposed skin and I sent away my last secret.
The metal of the mailbox door screeched and as I turned and walked away from it, I felt lighter. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Mikey found out. Maybe-just maybe-he could love me, too.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Summary: Gerard gives away the last thing he’d held bottled up inside him
Warnings/Author's Note: Mentions of incest, language, lotsa emo. Thoughts and Flash backs are in italics. Also, this is my first real post. Please be brutally honest and tell me if I’m wasting my time.
Breathe, Gerard. You can do this.
My hands shook as I pressed the thick, black Sharpie to my last three hours’ labor. The words trickled awkwardly onto the page from my hand, covering up the black-and-white image I’d poured my soul into. Endless swirls lead into eternity and wide-eyed dancers seemed to swim across my vision as I tried to focus on the barely-legible, chunky script above them.
Why had I ever agreed to do this? What if he found out?
“C’mon, Gee. This is, like, the coolest fucking thing ever!”
“But what if he reads it? He’ll know it’s me.”
“He won’t. And even if he does, this shit is all anonymous. God, stop being such a pussy. Just do it.”
“Frank. No. I won’t.”
“If you don’t, I will for you.”
“No!”
“Better yet, I’ll just go ahead and tell Mikey.”
“You wouldn’t. No, don’t! Please!” I was on my knees, begging.
“Then do it.”
It was too late to turn back now. It was almost done. The damage was already there.
I’m such a fucking…
Tears threatened to escape as I squeezed my eyes shut so hard that painful colors sprayed across my vision.
Just finish it. Do it, finish it, get it over with.
I took a deep breath and pressed down hard onto the page. Tendrils of ink soaked through the thin paper as I finished the sentence.
“What’cha doin’, Gee?”
The voice from behind me quickly shook me from my daze and it took me a moment to recover. My heart raced and I hoped he wouldn’t come close enough to read.
“Gee?”
“I’m fine, Mikes. Leave me alone for a bit, will ya?” My voice came out as a strangled cry, efforts to mask my emotions proving useless.
“Okay, then. You sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah. M’fine.”
“Whatever you say.”
I exhaled in relief as I heard his footsteps fade into the distance. I realized that I had clutched the letter tightly to my chest in surprise. I smoothed out the small rectangle as best I could. A couple of the words were a bit smudged and there were still faint wrinkles, but otherwise there was no real damage. I took one last look at the messy writing.
I’m in love with my little brother but I’ve never told anyone
I slid the paper into an envelope, licked and sealed it. I allowed a few stray tears to trail down my cheeks as I shakily wrote the Post Secret address and pressed on a stamp. Slipping on my shoes and coat, I shuffled downstairs and out to the mailbox. I pulled open the freezing metal box and gingerly placed the envelope inside. The cool breeze nipped at my exposed skin and I sent away my last secret.
The metal of the mailbox door screeched and as I turned and walked away from it, I felt lighter. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Mikey found out. Maybe-just maybe-he could love me, too.