seem to be
All I seem to be doing these days is this: wake up. description: throw off covers to let in the freezing cold air that fills the rooms of this apartment. Put my feet on the wood floor of my room, freezing my toes. It is 730 in the morning and all these factors combined make for a very unhappy morning. Not to mention Geography...go to class. my second activity. this lasts until at least 130 pm and consists of walking in the cold, listening to bullshit and sitting in hallways. After this comes creeping panic for there are at least 3 big things I have forgotten I need to have done either before the next day or before my night class at 530. This class ends at 730pm, I have to work at 800pm. when I get home at one am, the only reason i dont kill myself is that I am too tired to pick up a knife or to open the oven door. Can you tell that this is the part of my day I now write to you from? well it is.
Above all thats troubling me lies this loneliness. This apartment has two bedrooms and stairs and so much more room than one person needs. Everything is big and unfilled by my body standing in it. I have two cats at the moment, and I love that they're here. But their prescence, combined with my frequent grumpiness/loneliness makes me fear Ive turned into the cat lady I always knew Id be. I never minded I'd be that lady, I just didnt think it would happen at 21. I also assumed I would be feeling solitude and not loneliness.
I'm never taking 20 credit hours ever ever again. Fucking shot me if I ever even mention im thinking of it. But only shoot to mame. I dont want to die, but I do want to have the point blown into me in some very harsh and literal way.
Final note: mame, not kill.
Above all thats troubling me lies this loneliness. This apartment has two bedrooms and stairs and so much more room than one person needs. Everything is big and unfilled by my body standing in it. I have two cats at the moment, and I love that they're here. But their prescence, combined with my frequent grumpiness/loneliness makes me fear Ive turned into the cat lady I always knew Id be. I never minded I'd be that lady, I just didnt think it would happen at 21. I also assumed I would be feeling solitude and not loneliness.
I'm never taking 20 credit hours ever ever again. Fucking shot me if I ever even mention im thinking of it. But only shoot to mame. I dont want to die, but I do want to have the point blown into me in some very harsh and literal way.
Final note: mame, not kill.