She Wrote A Rebellion
"Look before you end it all, Look before you shut your eyes.
For the last time there's no more room to go back down.
Your picture trends in black and white, I will show you what it's like
She Whispers In His Ear
'Don't Hurt Me, Don't Forget Me, Don't Hurt Me. I'm Still Not Put Back Together' "
So I had a good two paragraph rant where this sentence was. But I decided it wasn't worth posting in my blog.
Because said person I was ranting about isn't worth it.
And I'm sure people reading don't want to hear about it.
It's over. I'm moving on.
(but it makes this blog considerably shorter....)
I started training at Party City yesterday morning. We watched a bunch of training videos, toured the store, and then individually got called back to the managers office to input our information into the system. I was the last person to get called to the back, and while I was wandering the store waiting for an hour or so, I came across something that hit me pretty hard. As I walked into the Halloween section, I looked up and saw myself in one of their try-on mirrors. Above the mirror, there was a simple question.
"Who Do You Want To Be?"
I went to Bakersfield awhile ago to get away from my problems, and to find the right path.
But, before I left I knew exactly who I wanted to be. And now that I'm back...I have no idea.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I've always been the one that knew exactly where I wanted to go in life.
People envied me for "having it all figured out".
College. Peace Corps. Medical School. Médecins Sans Frontières.
That was my plan since I was 7 years old.
And now everything's gone all fuzzy. My dreams are fading. And I'm lost. For the first time in my life, I have no idea where I'm going or who I want to be.
And I know exactly what/who is causing this confusion.
My heart tells me this is right, My head is screaming at me.
Bleh.
"And say it for me, say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it if it's worth saving me"