he is gone again
He's up north visiting with grandad. They're going to go shoot their new guns together. K just wanted to keep grandad occupied.
I hate when he's gone. Hate, hate, haaaaaaaaaate it. The other day, this perv was whacking off on the train next to me. I freaked out and got up and he kept watching me from the COMPLETE other side of the train. I felt disgusted and all those gross feelings from my past came back. Luckily, the train went above ground just one stop after and I called K and told him to meet me at the station. He asked why and I said, "just do it". He makes me feel safer. What's weird is that I used to be so much more careless...I used to get so drunk on weekends that I'd have no idea how I got home. I mean, I'd literally black out half the night. I would be out partying until 4 or 5 or sometimes even 7 in the morning. Wasted, and dumb...I sometimes wonder how more didn't end up happening to us. I was always with lahela, but she'd be just as wasted. I guess now I realize how stupid I/we were. I don't even get drunk like that anymore. I didn't feel UNsafe, but now. If he's gone, I feel a little scared and unsafe. Does that make any sense? I don't know, I guess I'm used to being looked after now.
Speaking of which. Dude, I LOVE him so much. It's SO gross the way we are sometimes. The freaking baby talk has got to stop. It's really just gross for others. We try not to do it in public, but it's done so much that it comes out naturally. the other day abdul was all "do you need some cough drops?" i was like "huh?" he's like "your voice, are you getting sick?" and i'm like "what are you talking about?" Kyle then goes "dude, it's her baby talk, that's how we talk to each other sometimes" I got all embarrassed. I can't help it. He makes me want to squeeze him and love him and never let him go. I feel so lucky to have him. So lucky, he's got morals and pride and he's hot and he loves me and I can feel it, and I can tell....I literally want to cry when he's not around. I miss him terribly. I'm so attached....
Work is better, not so slow. I'm really busy actually. I've been hearing some things through the office grape vine that I might get promoted to the front office (where the higher ups are). It's between me, and another girl. That girl has been here for 3yrs. People are hating. Someone made a comment to me that bothered me. We were talking about something and I was like "well, if I got the position, it's because they think i'm better suited of it, maybe I just know more...I mean, I didn't get this job with my looks". The broad was like "I wouldn't be so sure about that" HUH? that's such BS. I mean, I'm not even hot. Ugh, ok, so she was saying i'm stupid, but cute? wtf? Hate, hate, hate...., hate...hatehatehate. Also, some black girl said it's because of my skin color. I was like "dude, I'm not white" and she's like "but you're not black" ...again, HUH?....where is your logic...i mean seriously, the girl who said this is someone who SHOULD have been up for that position, but isn't. By her point of view. it's because she's black that she's not even being considered. This is a woman who TOLD ME that she just wants to do the bare minimum. Who thinks she knows it all because she's 43 and I'm just 27. I tried to tell her what i did to get this position and what I've been telling HR that I want. She just says "oh, honey, you're young and want to know everything and ask questions, i was like that before. It gets you nowhere. You'll learn". at the same time she doesn't know why I make more money and how I got here. Maybe it's because she's lazy and not because she's black. It's very annoying to hear her say that to me. Everytime I'm busy she's asks what I'm doing that makes me busy. She'll also wonder why no one will ask her to do something, she'll say "if they want to think I'm stupid, that's fine, but i'm not"....they don't ask her to join any specific projects, because SHE is LAZY and said so herself, that she doesn't care about learning new things, she's too old to...
whatever, I genuinely want to learn and like keeping busy. perhaps they see that and like it....ya think? Ugh...she's one conflicted little thing...
Anyway, I don't care much whether or not they promote me. I'm fine where I am. Obviously, if I got a raise, i'd take it, but i'm not sure if they'll give me a raise....
so that's life at the moment...
I hate when he's gone. Hate, hate, haaaaaaaaaate it. The other day, this perv was whacking off on the train next to me. I freaked out and got up and he kept watching me from the COMPLETE other side of the train. I felt disgusted and all those gross feelings from my past came back. Luckily, the train went above ground just one stop after and I called K and told him to meet me at the station. He asked why and I said, "just do it". He makes me feel safer. What's weird is that I used to be so much more careless...I used to get so drunk on weekends that I'd have no idea how I got home. I mean, I'd literally black out half the night. I would be out partying until 4 or 5 or sometimes even 7 in the morning. Wasted, and dumb...I sometimes wonder how more didn't end up happening to us. I was always with lahela, but she'd be just as wasted. I guess now I realize how stupid I/we were. I don't even get drunk like that anymore. I didn't feel UNsafe, but now. If he's gone, I feel a little scared and unsafe. Does that make any sense? I don't know, I guess I'm used to being looked after now.
Speaking of which. Dude, I LOVE him so much. It's SO gross the way we are sometimes. The freaking baby talk has got to stop. It's really just gross for others. We try not to do it in public, but it's done so much that it comes out naturally. the other day abdul was all "do you need some cough drops?" i was like "huh?" he's like "your voice, are you getting sick?" and i'm like "what are you talking about?" Kyle then goes "dude, it's her baby talk, that's how we talk to each other sometimes" I got all embarrassed. I can't help it. He makes me want to squeeze him and love him and never let him go. I feel so lucky to have him. So lucky, he's got morals and pride and he's hot and he loves me and I can feel it, and I can tell....I literally want to cry when he's not around. I miss him terribly. I'm so attached....
Work is better, not so slow. I'm really busy actually. I've been hearing some things through the office grape vine that I might get promoted to the front office (where the higher ups are). It's between me, and another girl. That girl has been here for 3yrs. People are hating. Someone made a comment to me that bothered me. We were talking about something and I was like "well, if I got the position, it's because they think i'm better suited of it, maybe I just know more...I mean, I didn't get this job with my looks". The broad was like "I wouldn't be so sure about that" HUH? that's such BS. I mean, I'm not even hot. Ugh, ok, so she was saying i'm stupid, but cute? wtf? Hate, hate, hate...., hate...hatehatehate. Also, some black girl said it's because of my skin color. I was like "dude, I'm not white" and she's like "but you're not black" ...again, HUH?....where is your logic...i mean seriously, the girl who said this is someone who SHOULD have been up for that position, but isn't. By her point of view. it's because she's black that she's not even being considered. This is a woman who TOLD ME that she just wants to do the bare minimum. Who thinks she knows it all because she's 43 and I'm just 27. I tried to tell her what i did to get this position and what I've been telling HR that I want. She just says "oh, honey, you're young and want to know everything and ask questions, i was like that before. It gets you nowhere. You'll learn". at the same time she doesn't know why I make more money and how I got here. Maybe it's because she's lazy and not because she's black. It's very annoying to hear her say that to me. Everytime I'm busy she's asks what I'm doing that makes me busy. She'll also wonder why no one will ask her to do something, she'll say "if they want to think I'm stupid, that's fine, but i'm not"....they don't ask her to join any specific projects, because SHE is LAZY and said so herself, that she doesn't care about learning new things, she's too old to...
whatever, I genuinely want to learn and like keeping busy. perhaps they see that and like it....ya think? Ugh...she's one conflicted little thing...
Anyway, I don't care much whether or not they promote me. I'm fine where I am. Obviously, if I got a raise, i'd take it, but i'm not sure if they'll give me a raise....
so that's life at the moment...