so tired
I'm kinda rambling about being depressed, so I don't know if you want to read. I just needed to get it out.
Argh.
I don't even know what to do with myself anymore; I feel like I wanna write and draw, but I just haven't been motivated lately. Baaah. I feel too depressed to do anything :(
My trip back home to visit my family just upset me more; I thought I would be happy to see them. I guess it doesn't matter though when the person I wanted to see wasn't even there. Who knows where she is.
My elder relative wasn't much help either. Stuffing complaints and venting out her frustration about the said person on me. I can only hold so much before I break.
Well, at least I think. I haven't cried in two years - that mustn't be healthy. Everyone around me thinks I don't have any fears, or feelings, or reactions, to anything. But I do; I just tend to hold it in, I guess. I don't like displaying my emotions, it makes me feel weak.
But I know, I know, I should "talk it out" or "ask for help", but eh, I don't wanna do anything.
Just lay here in my room, do my homework, go to school, get A's...
That's all they really expect. So that's all I will continue to do.
This is kinda why I'm staying off DeviantArt and FanFiction.net; I didn't want to annoy my friends on there with all my problems :P
This is my personal blog, so gosh dangit, I shall blog... personally...
Gah. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm so exhausted, and I don't even know why. I didn't do anything today. Or the past couple of days. All I've done is lay here, in this empty, isolated room.
I think I do it to myself, because I like dealing with the pain. Since I never would do it physically, I just abuse myself in my head. No one can protect me from my mind.
Argh.
I don't even know what to do with myself anymore; I feel like I wanna write and draw, but I just haven't been motivated lately. Baaah. I feel too depressed to do anything :(
My trip back home to visit my family just upset me more; I thought I would be happy to see them. I guess it doesn't matter though when the person I wanted to see wasn't even there. Who knows where she is.
My elder relative wasn't much help either. Stuffing complaints and venting out her frustration about the said person on me. I can only hold so much before I break.
Well, at least I think. I haven't cried in two years - that mustn't be healthy. Everyone around me thinks I don't have any fears, or feelings, or reactions, to anything. But I do; I just tend to hold it in, I guess. I don't like displaying my emotions, it makes me feel weak.
But I know, I know, I should "talk it out" or "ask for help", but eh, I don't wanna do anything.
Just lay here in my room, do my homework, go to school, get A's...
That's all they really expect. So that's all I will continue to do.
This is kinda why I'm staying off DeviantArt and FanFiction.net; I didn't want to annoy my friends on there with all my problems :P
This is my personal blog, so gosh dangit, I shall blog... personally...
Gah. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm so exhausted, and I don't even know why. I didn't do anything today. Or the past couple of days. All I've done is lay here, in this empty, isolated room.
I think I do it to myself, because I like dealing with the pain. Since I never would do it physically, I just abuse myself in my head. No one can protect me from my mind.