I wrote this a while back and decided to share - I mean, if there is a group entitled "People Like You," then I figured why not define what people like me are like -- or something to that effect.
Nothing really earth shattering here - I mean I didn't come out and say that people like me are lesbian albino midgets or circus side show acts or hell, mountain climbers who've been stranded and had to eat their own fingers like cocktail weiners to survive. (None of these things really describe people that would belong to a group entitled people like me, mind you. Just wanted to clarify as to not insult the folks that fall into those groups rather than the People Like Me group. It's not that I would be ashamed to be a part of those groups, just that I am sadly not and cannot claim to be what I am not - although I have tried in the long-ago past and it failed miserably, but that is another story!)
However, if you are asking if this is in some way directly related to an LJ conversation (ie. dialogue, argument, bitchfest, whatever) we had not all that long ago, then - yes - it is. I have to say that the whole "People like you" thing really bugged me as I couldn't quite figure out what people like me were supposed to be all about. I mean, it was obvious at the time what you saw people like me as, but I didn't feel that it truly expressed who I was or my motivations for action. (Is that enough prepositions for you? Like, as, etc.:)
This of course made me wonder if what that comment saw as people like me summed up what people like me really were -- of course, introspectively I felt a bit miscategorized. Still, the thought was there - am I a hate monger that only wants to destroy the delicate balance that makes people happy? Am I the horrid wretch described within those words? Maybe - maybe. Still, if I am a person like myself, which I am, then is there a separation between what others see as being like me and what I truly am? Of course, there is. This prompted a list that, when read, could sum up what I felt people like me are like. Of course, this list could go on forever (and thankfully does not).
For example -
People like me feel as if they have to over explain everything out of fear that they will be misunderstood.
People like me have good reason to feel this way, I would reckon :)
People like me are just so tired of having to explain what people like me are all about!
People like me miss having friendships so deep that they didn't have to explain what people like me really meant.
See it goes on! But I will stop trying to explain myself - thank you for giving me something overly wordy to comment (that probably makes no sense, but was not meant to incense) because my work day is horrendously slow today and you have helped me kill a bit of time before lunch!
Thank you,
~H
P.S. Please ignore any annoying grammatical weird or spelling lameness. I am having the hardest time thinking lately. (Must be blood sugar realted, eh - let's blame it on that!)
Re: All what?recyclingDecember 31 2004, 05:58:59 UTC
To be honest with you, Hollie, I just figured this was some sort of meme. I didn't realize the true meaning of what this whole thing was all about here..
Ultimately, the whole kit and kaboodle here comes down to just a matter of semantics. When I say something like "people like you," I wasn't necessarily talking about things like whether or not you eat breakfast before you go to work in the morning or what your favorite color is. It's more like, "People like you, who will say this about me, for some reason." You weren't the only one who has categorized my behavior as codependant and unhealthy, and I daresay you certainly won't be the last.
It's like I was saying to somebody else earlier this evening: ultimately, I envy "people like you" because you, Hollie, still see the possibility of being able to change somebody with their words. It's a weird sort of envy, to be sure, but I have to admit to myself that it is there. I'm not saying that you haven't had your share of relevant experience..on the contrary..but somewhere along the line, after rescuing people from drug overdoses and seeing the same cycle repeating themselves on and on, to lose family members because they no longer cared about the world enough to see a doctor, to see certain people slip away from sanity and end up on the street..I really can't say I have that same brand of idealism that possessed you to write what you wrote that day.
Instead, I lash out. I misinterpret things like this as being cast in the same category of people I was just talking about involved, and I get fucking pissed about it. As I see it, there's a lot of other people to be worried about in the world, and I really see myself as being someone way, way down on that list. I'm getting older, more stubborn, and more ready to sock somebody in the eye if they do it first. I'm not just going to sit down and take certain things.
I'm not mad at you, nor was I really even then. But I will stand up for myself. I spent too many years of my life not doing so for me to waste any more time.
Hope that any of this helps, and hope we can be friends.
I guess my point when I wrote this was that saying "People like you" is easy enough to say, but what does it really mean? The "People like me" in that comment are motivated by hurting your feelings and the feelings of others. I certainly don't see myself as that type of person. However, in the real world, it's how people see you that matters, not how you see yourself, right? I can certainly say that I learned that early enough in life ... sometimes it just takes someone else to remind you of lessons you've already learned.
I can't say that the comments didn't bother me beyond a reasonable degree, but that is my problem, not yours. I can't say that I retract anything that I said, because I don't. However, what was originally written was not intended to be taken as something to poke and stab at you.
As for friendship, we were never good friends to start with. I don't hate you. I don't really hate anybody. I don't even dislike you. Maybe someday we can get to know each other better and be friends. Right now, however, I just see you as one of my husband's friends from childhood who I just don't understand as well as I thought I might. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings. I don't mean too, I'm simply being honest. I might have tricked myself into thinking of you as a personal friend at one point, but I have realized that, as fortunate or unfortunate as that might be for anybody, I am not good enough with people to have forged a friendship so quickly ... naivety, you know, will get you into trouble.
Please don't think that I'm being cavalier about the situation. I just feel like there is nothing left for me to say about it. While it might not have weighed heavily on anyone else's mind, it did on mine. However, our online friendship, for lack of a better term, will continue as it always has, I suppose. I don't comment much anyway, and I don't post much -- so it's a very easy relationship to maintain :)
Nothing really earth shattering here - I mean I didn't come out and say that people like me are lesbian albino midgets or circus side show acts or hell, mountain climbers who've been stranded and had to eat their own fingers like cocktail weiners to survive. (None of these things really describe people that would belong to a group entitled people like me, mind you. Just wanted to clarify as to not insult the folks that fall into those groups rather than the People Like Me group. It's not that I would be ashamed to be a part of those groups, just that I am sadly not and cannot claim to be what I am not - although I have tried in the long-ago past and it failed miserably, but that is another story!)
However, if you are asking if this is in some way directly related to an LJ conversation (ie. dialogue, argument, bitchfest, whatever) we had not all that long ago, then - yes - it is. I have to say that the whole "People like you" thing really bugged me as I couldn't quite figure out what people like me were supposed to be all about. I mean, it was obvious at the time what you saw people like me as, but I didn't feel that it truly expressed who I was or my motivations for action. (Is that enough prepositions for you? Like, as, etc.:)
This of course made me wonder if what that comment saw as people like me summed up what people like me really were -- of course, introspectively I felt a bit miscategorized. Still, the thought was there - am I a hate monger that only wants to destroy the delicate balance that makes people happy? Am I the horrid wretch described within those words? Maybe - maybe. Still, if I am a person like myself, which I am, then is there a separation between what others see as being like me and what I truly am? Of course, there is. This prompted a list that, when read, could sum up what I felt people like me are like. Of course, this list could go on forever (and thankfully does not).
For example -
People like me feel as if they have to over explain everything out of fear that they will be misunderstood.
People like me have good reason to feel this way, I would reckon :)
People like me are just so tired of having to explain what people like me are all about!
People like me miss having friendships so deep that they didn't have to explain what people like me really meant.
See it goes on! But I will stop trying to explain myself - thank you for giving me something overly wordy to comment (that probably makes no sense, but was not meant to incense) because my work day is horrendously slow today and you have helped me kill a bit of time before lunch!
Thank you,
~H
P.S. Please ignore any annoying grammatical weird or spelling lameness. I am having the hardest time thinking lately. (Must be blood sugar realted, eh - let's blame it on that!)
Reply
Ultimately, the whole kit and kaboodle here comes down to just a matter of semantics. When I say something like "people like you," I wasn't necessarily talking about things like whether or not you eat breakfast before you go to work in the morning or what your favorite color is. It's more like, "People like you, who will say this about me, for some reason." You weren't the only one who has categorized my behavior as codependant and unhealthy, and I daresay you certainly won't be the last.
It's like I was saying to somebody else earlier this evening: ultimately, I envy "people like you" because you, Hollie, still see the possibility of being able to change somebody with their words. It's a weird sort of envy, to be sure, but I have to admit to myself that it is there. I'm not saying that you haven't had your share of relevant experience..on the contrary..but somewhere along the line, after rescuing people from drug overdoses and seeing the same cycle repeating themselves on and on, to lose family members because they no longer cared about the world enough to see a doctor, to see certain people slip away from sanity and end up on the street..I really can't say I have that same brand of idealism that possessed you to write what you wrote that day.
Instead, I lash out. I misinterpret things like this as being cast in the same category of people I was just talking about involved, and I get fucking pissed about it. As I see it, there's a lot of other people to be worried about in the world, and I really see myself as being someone way, way down on that list. I'm getting older, more stubborn, and more ready to sock somebody in the eye if they do it first. I'm not just going to sit down and take certain things.
I'm not mad at you, nor was I really even then. But I will stand up for myself. I spent too many years of my life not doing so for me to waste any more time.
Hope that any of this helps, and hope we can be friends.
Reply
I can't say that the comments didn't bother me beyond a reasonable degree, but that is my problem, not yours. I can't say that I retract anything that I said, because I don't. However, what was originally written was not intended to be taken as something to poke and stab at you.
As for friendship, we were never good friends to start with. I don't hate you. I don't really hate anybody. I don't even dislike you. Maybe someday we can get to know each other better and be friends. Right now, however, I just see you as one of my husband's friends from childhood who I just don't understand as well as I thought I might. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings. I don't mean too, I'm simply being honest. I might have tricked myself into thinking of you as a personal friend at one point, but I have realized that, as fortunate or unfortunate as that might be for anybody, I am not good enough with people to have forged a friendship so quickly ... naivety, you know, will get you into trouble.
Please don't think that I'm being cavalier about the situation. I just feel like there is nothing left for me to say about it. While it might not have weighed heavily on anyone else's mind, it did on mine. However, our online friendship, for lack of a better term, will continue as it always has, I suppose. I don't comment much anyway, and I don't post much -- so it's a very easy relationship to maintain :)
Happy writing, happy living, happy insert lame-assed ending hear,
~H
Reply
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