May I please interject here
Isn't it strange how you fall away from the people that meant so much to you at some point in your life.
A friend and I were having a discussion about the past. We brought back the old instant messenger that used to be cool in our younger years (ICQ and maybe it was only a few years ago). I also brought back an old journal site that I use to go to. I had some bad memories with it when I tried to use it before. Everything from my eighth grade year came back to me and that wound had not quite healed yet. In one keystroke I heard Cass tell me about her step-dad and then in another I saw all of my friends kick me off of the lunch table. I'm not saying nothing good came out of my eighth grade year.. it was just hard for me. This is one of the first times I am actually talking about it since before Cass and Jen's mom died.
Cassie and I use to be such good friends. That year I ruined it. I made everything worse by telling a teacher about the dangers of the house she was living in. I think that she has resented me ever since. After I lost all of those friends, I lost my best friend Ashley. I was very beside myself. I found new friends, true, but since then I have never had a friend quite like Ashley, which isn't such a bad thing.
That was also the year I started going to the church that we now affectionately call the Nazi Church. I was invited by one of my new friends to go to a concert there. They were a fairly good band but I actually felt comfortable there. I met their new youth leaders and decided that this was a place that I wanted to be. I made friends with everyone at that youth group and help it grow. Beth, Adam, Christy, Ashley, JB and Iris had all become like family to me.
By the beginning of my freshman year I went to that church twice a week. My mom would take me on Wednesday and Iris would pick me up on Sundays. I even joined the Youth Ministry team because I was "on fire for the lord." The group had grown and I met so many friends, including my future boyfriend. Some of my old friends started coming too like Brad, Tiffini, and Haley. I had so much fun their until close to the end of my freshman year.
There was a group starting called The Gay/Straight Alliance. I was very excited when I heard this. Ever since I could remember I was very opinionated about this subject. Now, I can learn more and help spread tolerance throughout my school. I started to go to this group every Friday morning and even started advertising (right next to the church posters and my anti-war posters). Then someone in the group caught wind of my acceptance of gay people.
They told JB and Iris. They had a talk with me and told me that if I didn't stop putting up posters for the "gay group" I would be kicked out of the Youth Ministry Team. We had a long heated discussion which ended on me telling them I was questioning my sexuality and them kicking me out of the Youth Ministry Team. This was a Wednesday, by Sunday I knew I couldn't go to that church any longer and I left a note along with a book that I had borrowed on my front porch. The note said " You don't have to pick me up for church anymore."
Here I am today, almost two years after the fact and I still miss all of those people. I interact with most of them everyday but it's just not the same as being friends with them. I guess the long-winded story wasn't necessary but I think you catch my drift.