Love is a figment of our imaginations

[my_worst_fears]

Well, I lost the one I wanted to be with all of my life. The one that said she would never leave, and said that she would never hurt me. Promises are as frail as snowflakes. The first sing of ehat and they melt away. I hurt so bad right now, I don't wish this hurt upon anyone. This was my fault. I didn't trust her, and I didn't give her space, and I wanted to talk to her as much as I could. If only I could tell her now. I do trust her, as much as I love her. I can give her space now, I just needed to have trust. I know I ask a lot, but I jsut wanted to give her the best I could give, but in the end I tried too hard. I am going out there tomorrow, and I am going to read her a note I am writing now. I know I'm going to cry and forget what I want to say so I am gonna write it. I just want to talk things over, maybe work things out. It's funny cause in the time we were together, we didn't talk anything over...we jsut argued...foolish pride. something I have been accused of. I changed too late. I have pushed that all away. I want to tell her. The way I felt August 15th and the way I feel now has not changed. I can't see anyone else. I will live my life alone. I know it sounds weird, but I have no want or need. I don't want to be with anyone else, and the heartache and the hole that is in my heart cannot be filled by anyone else. I will always love her, I will always want her, that hasn't changed in 2 years. I doubt it will ever. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE LAUREN KATHRYN ESTILL.
As for me, I don't know whats gonna happen in my life. I don't know if I will even wake up, but I can't live my life always worrying about what if, if I die tomorrow I never even lived. What if I meet the right one and screw it up...I did, now I'm paying for it. I will update on how I'm doing. Til later, I wish everyone a merry christmas, I know I won't have one. Bye bye