PICSPAM: 4x02 THE RIGHT STUFF
4X02 THE RIGHT STUFF
Writers: Doris Egan & Leonard Dic
Director: Deran Serafian
Original Airdate: 2 Oct 2007
House starts to eliminate in a non-"arbitrary and stupid" way members of his new "team" of 40 candidates, even as he tries to help a wannabe astronaut who can't have any of her tests or ailments charted for fear of losing her one chance to make it into space.
PRE-COURSE BRIEFING: It's January - back to school for all you House/Cuddy fans! Now who's ready to add to your vocabulary, courtesy of the Princeton Plainsboro School of Eyesexage? Remember to keep your eyes peeled for the tips and hints scattered throughout the pictures. Good luck... and as usual, I could not express how not dial-up friendly this is!
- - - - - - - - - -
I. Cuddy challenges House on his new team of 40 ducklings
House: .. On the one hand, he's not getting deader. On the other hand, your jobs hang in the balance...
[Cuddy appears at the door of his lecture theatre, all eyes turn to her - as do House's.]
Cuddy: House?
[As Cuddy waits sexfully...]
House: I want seven alternate diagnoses when I get back. Don't worry. I'll try to take as long as I can. Our personal best is 53 minutes. Roof of the hospital. Good times.
While we wait the equivalent of House walking over to Cuddy, how's this for your first vocabulary lesson of the day...? ;)
sdfjlaasfkjaslfjsdlfsklkaalsfjalkl~!!!!!!!!!!!
Cuddy: Did you forget how to count to three? Because you know this means we can't play strip hide and seek anymore...
House: I've got a budget for three, doesn't mean I can only hire three.
Cuddy: Actually that's exactly what it means.
House: I cut the permanent salaries by 10 percent, over 3 years that'll more than make up for the breakage on the 27 that I'm going to weed out over the next few weeks. Impressed with my math skills? Wanna meet me behind the bleachers for some...?
Cuddy: There's forty people in there.
House: [calls into the lecture theatre] Row D, you're fired. [People in Row D start to file out.]
House: I didn't actually count all the resumes.
Cuddy: This is stupid, you can't manage that many people, you're just going to keep weeding them out arbitrarily.
House: Sure, and having them sitting in my office schmoozing about their favourite Algerian surfing movies, that's a much better system. Sometimes you're so ungrateful, Cuddy. I'm doing this so we can have my desk to ourselves, you know...
OMG CUDDY REACTION SHOT OF SO MUCH WIN YES?!!!!!!!!!?!????? *FAILS AT NOT FLAILING*
House: Wait a sec. [stops #19, a pretty brunette, from leaving.] Were you in Row D?
19: Yes.
House: My apologies, my boss says I'm being arbitrary and stupid. [shouts into the lecture theatre again] Row D is not fired, Row C is fired.
19: Great, thank you.
House: See? That was not arbitrary. [House's pager goes off.]
House: Well I'd love to chat but I've been paged... That's interesting, apparently paged myself.
[Cuddy sighs while looking incredibly sexy and wistfully after House, obviously. She's so impatient. He'll be back in no time...]
- - - - - - - - - -
II (A). Hell hath no fury like a Cuddy scorned
Or, Baby Steps towards Going Gay
House: Okay. [watches as #24 injects the patient in the arm with a sedative, just as Cuddy appears.]
Cuddy: [to House] Who's that?
Cuddy: [to the three ducklings] Who is she?
39: Osama Bin Laden.
[Cuddy is NOT happy...]
Good thing too, because, if you're still following me, class, we're about to head into uncharted territory - possibly one of the most GAYIFYING SCENES in House history. It's a momentous moment, indeed it is. Momentous...
- - - - - - - - - -
II (B). Hell hath no fury like a Cuddy scorned
(or, The Day A Million Fangirls Spontaneously Combusted)
[Cuddy strides into the lecture theatre where the other ducklings are. Everyone is silent, including your heterosexuality, which is starting to experience an impending sense of doom...]
Cuddy: Who is she?
18: Is she ok?
Cuddy: She's stable. Who is she?
26: What did House tell you?
Cuddy: That she is on the run from an international crime syndicate.
26: That's what he told us.
Cuddy: House may be your boss, but I'm House's boss. You want to work here, I'd better be okay with it.
2: Honestly, he didn't tell us anything about who she was, or what she...
10: Her name's Greta Cooper. Wants to be an astronaut. Doesn't want NASA to know her brain's getting her ears confused with her eyes. I went through her mail.
[Cuddy leaves, satisfied at having conquered all of our heterosexualities for now and forevermore. Moment of silence, please - once you've gone gay for Cuddy, you never go back.]
- - - - - - - - - -
III. Cuddy lays down the law
[Cuddy and House walk and talk.]
Cuddy: You're a virus, House; now instead of one liability, I've got 20. Damn if you're not going to be making that up to me in the Jacuzzi later tonight.
House: Apparently only 19. Which number was it?
Cuddy: From now on everything you do, including me, gets charted. With pen, on paper, in a binder that says Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital on the cover. Also, stamped with 'Property of Lisa Cuddy'.
House: [whining] Moooom!!!
Cuddy: If you want to run something through the labs, I get a copy. If you do scans, I get a copy. If you THINK about doing scans or doing anything that isn't me, I get a copy.
House: You know my current thoughts, right? I don't have to put those on paper.
- - - - - - - - - -
IV. Cuddy conducts a sniff test
[House is jostling his way through the hospital crowds, looking for the phantom Foreman. Foreman disappears around the corner but someone considerably more fun, Cuddy, turns up instead.] Doesn't this cap make you think of a rom-com, when House has realised the error of his ways and is hunting through the crowds for Cuddy to tell her he totally wants her? I bet we could do pic-spam photo-stories telling our own happily delusional fairy tales for House and Cuddy - who'd be up for that??
Cuddy: I checked the tests you ordered. They came back positive - you are addicted to me, after all. Ha!
House: Did you just see Foreman? I think he took the key to our special room in the basement...
Cuddy: You measured the density of her teeth. When you should have been measuring the density of... well, not my teeth, but some other parts of my anatomy...
House: It's a shortcut test for hypercalcaemia. [still looking out for Foreman] You had to have just passed him.
Cuddy: So you suspected hypercalcaemia from her complete lack of broken bones. Is that why you also ran three tox screens?
House: Patient might've been sneaking uppers. He was in a white coat, did you hire him back?
Cuddy: Foreman is running the diagnostic department at New York Mercy. [House looks confused.]
[Cuddy starts to suspect that something isn't right with House. Editor's note: Obviously. You guys haven't had sex in the WHOLE TWO MINUTES you've been talking...]
Cuddy: [leans in and sniffs him] Have you been drinking? How many times have I told you not to get sloshed unless I'm in the room and can let you have your drunken way with me?!?
[House failed the sniff test. He rolls her eyes at her horror and leaves. He needs a head start to get to her office before she does, anyway...]
EEEEEEEE, ANOTHER CUDDY REACTION SHOT OF UTTER GORGEOUS - HELLO!! WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY, LISA?!
Anyway - isn't this also the perfect counterpoint to the first cap from this scene? This is Cuddy's rom-com moment, when her heart breaks because of some ridiculous coincidence that can be easily explained in five minutes but isn't until a full hour later into the show. Yup. We should totally write a House/Cuddy rom-com pic-spam...
- - - - - - - - - -
V. A study in trust
Just a word of warning to people expecting flail - I'm not even gonna touch this scene, because it is absolute perfection. If you want to see me wax lyrical about it, original review is here. But this moment is just golden and will be presented as such. *flails at it, quietly*
[Cuddy blazes into the OR, because, obviously, House has done something monumentally insane/illegal again.]
Cuddy: You bumped his spleenectomy for a boob job?
House: Would you condemn this woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?
Cuddy: If you don't explain this, I'll cancel the surgery.
House: Can I explain why you're here?
Cuddy: I think I just told you why I...
House: I scheduled a diagnostic patient for a boob job. Which is ridiculous. So obviously you had to confront me.
Cuddy: With you so far.
House: You want me to give you a reason?
Cuddy: Not a good one...?
House: No, not even close to a good one. But here's the drag from your point of view. My explanation won't make sense, not to the board, not to a judge. But to you... so you'll let me do it...
[She listens - trust and frustration mixed in her face. He knows her, she realises. Knows that she'll let him do it in the end because it's the right thing to do.]
House: Then, you'll going to have to sit next to me at the administrative hearing. Don't you have better things to do?
[He has her there. She can't help wondering when he figured her out. When she figured him out. But it's how he said it was - he's right.]
[She sighs. Turns to leave.]
[But before she can get out the door, she turns, and looks at him at again.]
House: It's in the best interests of the patient.
[She looks at him. That will be - it is - good enough for her. She leaves.]
- - - - - - - - - -
And there we go - a crash course in Sexual Tension (Advanced Level) and Sizzling Chemistry (Off-the-Charts Class). I'm sure all of you will ACE your exams. ;)
Happy Monday everybody! Do let me know if you learnt anything. ;)
Writers: Doris Egan & Leonard Dic
Director: Deran Serafian
Original Airdate: 2 Oct 2007
House starts to eliminate in a non-"arbitrary and stupid" way members of his new "team" of 40 candidates, even as he tries to help a wannabe astronaut who can't have any of her tests or ailments charted for fear of losing her one chance to make it into space.
PRE-COURSE BRIEFING: It's January - back to school for all you House/Cuddy fans! Now who's ready to add to your vocabulary, courtesy of the Princeton Plainsboro School of Eyesexage? Remember to keep your eyes peeled for the tips and hints scattered throughout the pictures. Good luck... and as usual, I could not express how not dial-up friendly this is!
- - - - - - - - - -
I. Cuddy challenges House on his new team of 40 ducklings
House: .. On the one hand, he's not getting deader. On the other hand, your jobs hang in the balance...
[Cuddy appears at the door of his lecture theatre, all eyes turn to her - as do House's.]
Cuddy: House?
[As Cuddy waits sexfully...]
House: I want seven alternate diagnoses when I get back. Don't worry. I'll try to take as long as I can. Our personal best is 53 minutes. Roof of the hospital. Good times.
While we wait the equivalent of House walking over to Cuddy, how's this for your first vocabulary lesson of the day...? ;)
sdfjlaasfkjaslfjsdlfsklkaalsfjalkl~!!!!!!!!!!!
Cuddy: Did you forget how to count to three? Because you know this means we can't play strip hide and seek anymore...
House: I've got a budget for three, doesn't mean I can only hire three.
Cuddy: Actually that's exactly what it means.
House: I cut the permanent salaries by 10 percent, over 3 years that'll more than make up for the breakage on the 27 that I'm going to weed out over the next few weeks. Impressed with my math skills? Wanna meet me behind the bleachers for some...?
Cuddy: There's forty people in there.
House: [calls into the lecture theatre] Row D, you're fired. [People in Row D start to file out.]
House: I didn't actually count all the resumes.
Cuddy: This is stupid, you can't manage that many people, you're just going to keep weeding them out arbitrarily.
House: Sure, and having them sitting in my office schmoozing about their favourite Algerian surfing movies, that's a much better system. Sometimes you're so ungrateful, Cuddy. I'm doing this so we can have my desk to ourselves, you know...
OMG CUDDY REACTION SHOT OF SO MUCH WIN YES?!!!!!!!!!?!????? *FAILS AT NOT FLAILING*
House: Wait a sec. [stops #19, a pretty brunette, from leaving.] Were you in Row D?
19: Yes.
House: My apologies, my boss says I'm being arbitrary and stupid. [shouts into the lecture theatre again] Row D is not fired, Row C is fired.
19: Great, thank you.
House: See? That was not arbitrary. [House's pager goes off.]
House: Well I'd love to chat but I've been paged... That's interesting, apparently paged myself.
[Cuddy sighs while looking incredibly sexy and wistfully after House, obviously. She's so impatient. He'll be back in no time...]
- - - - - - - - - -
II (A). Hell hath no fury like a Cuddy scorned
Or, Baby Steps towards Going Gay
House: Okay. [watches as #24 injects the patient in the arm with a sedative, just as Cuddy appears.]
Cuddy: [to House] Who's that?
Cuddy: [to the three ducklings] Who is she?
39: Osama Bin Laden.
[Cuddy is NOT happy...]
Good thing too, because, if you're still following me, class, we're about to head into uncharted territory - possibly one of the most GAYIFYING SCENES in House history. It's a momentous moment, indeed it is. Momentous...
- - - - - - - - - -
II (B). Hell hath no fury like a Cuddy scorned
(or, The Day A Million Fangirls Spontaneously Combusted)
[Cuddy strides into the lecture theatre where the other ducklings are. Everyone is silent, including your heterosexuality, which is starting to experience an impending sense of doom...]
Cuddy: Who is she?
18: Is she ok?
Cuddy: She's stable. Who is she?
26: What did House tell you?
Cuddy: That she is on the run from an international crime syndicate.
26: That's what he told us.
Cuddy: House may be your boss, but I'm House's boss. You want to work here, I'd better be okay with it.
2: Honestly, he didn't tell us anything about who she was, or what she...
10: Her name's Greta Cooper. Wants to be an astronaut. Doesn't want NASA to know her brain's getting her ears confused with her eyes. I went through her mail.
[Cuddy leaves, satisfied at having conquered all of our heterosexualities for now and forevermore. Moment of silence, please - once you've gone gay for Cuddy, you never go back.]
- - - - - - - - - -
III. Cuddy lays down the law
[Cuddy and House walk and talk.]
Cuddy: You're a virus, House; now instead of one liability, I've got 20. Damn if you're not going to be making that up to me in the Jacuzzi later tonight.
House: Apparently only 19. Which number was it?
Cuddy: From now on everything you do, including me, gets charted. With pen, on paper, in a binder that says Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital on the cover. Also, stamped with 'Property of Lisa Cuddy'.
House: [whining] Moooom!!!
Cuddy: If you want to run something through the labs, I get a copy. If you do scans, I get a copy. If you THINK about doing scans or doing anything that isn't me, I get a copy.
House: You know my current thoughts, right? I don't have to put those on paper.
- - - - - - - - - -
IV. Cuddy conducts a sniff test
[House is jostling his way through the hospital crowds, looking for the phantom Foreman. Foreman disappears around the corner but someone considerably more fun, Cuddy, turns up instead.] Doesn't this cap make you think of a rom-com, when House has realised the error of his ways and is hunting through the crowds for Cuddy to tell her he totally wants her? I bet we could do pic-spam photo-stories telling our own happily delusional fairy tales for House and Cuddy - who'd be up for that??
Cuddy: I checked the tests you ordered. They came back positive - you are addicted to me, after all. Ha!
House: Did you just see Foreman? I think he took the key to our special room in the basement...
Cuddy: You measured the density of her teeth. When you should have been measuring the density of... well, not my teeth, but some other parts of my anatomy...
House: It's a shortcut test for hypercalcaemia. [still looking out for Foreman] You had to have just passed him.
Cuddy: So you suspected hypercalcaemia from her complete lack of broken bones. Is that why you also ran three tox screens?
House: Patient might've been sneaking uppers. He was in a white coat, did you hire him back?
Cuddy: Foreman is running the diagnostic department at New York Mercy. [House looks confused.]
[Cuddy starts to suspect that something isn't right with House. Editor's note: Obviously. You guys haven't had sex in the WHOLE TWO MINUTES you've been talking...]
Cuddy: [leans in and sniffs him] Have you been drinking? How many times have I told you not to get sloshed unless I'm in the room and can let you have your drunken way with me?!?
[House failed the sniff test. He rolls her eyes at her horror and leaves. He needs a head start to get to her office before she does, anyway...]
EEEEEEEE, ANOTHER CUDDY REACTION SHOT OF UTTER GORGEOUS - HELLO!! WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY, LISA?!
Anyway - isn't this also the perfect counterpoint to the first cap from this scene? This is Cuddy's rom-com moment, when her heart breaks because of some ridiculous coincidence that can be easily explained in five minutes but isn't until a full hour later into the show. Yup. We should totally write a House/Cuddy rom-com pic-spam...
- - - - - - - - - -
V. A study in trust
Just a word of warning to people expecting flail - I'm not even gonna touch this scene, because it is absolute perfection. If you want to see me wax lyrical about it, original review is here. But this moment is just golden and will be presented as such. *flails at it, quietly*
[Cuddy blazes into the OR, because, obviously, House has done something monumentally insane/illegal again.]
Cuddy: You bumped his spleenectomy for a boob job?
House: Would you condemn this woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?
Cuddy: If you don't explain this, I'll cancel the surgery.
House: Can I explain why you're here?
Cuddy: I think I just told you why I...
House: I scheduled a diagnostic patient for a boob job. Which is ridiculous. So obviously you had to confront me.
Cuddy: With you so far.
House: You want me to give you a reason?
Cuddy: Not a good one...?
House: No, not even close to a good one. But here's the drag from your point of view. My explanation won't make sense, not to the board, not to a judge. But to you... so you'll let me do it...
[She listens - trust and frustration mixed in her face. He knows her, she realises. Knows that she'll let him do it in the end because it's the right thing to do.]
House: Then, you'll going to have to sit next to me at the administrative hearing. Don't you have better things to do?
[He has her there. She can't help wondering when he figured her out. When she figured him out. But it's how he said it was - he's right.]
[She sighs. Turns to leave.]
[But before she can get out the door, she turns, and looks at him at again.]
House: It's in the best interests of the patient.
[She looks at him. That will be - it is - good enough for her. She leaves.]
- - - - - - - - - -
And there we go - a crash course in Sexual Tension (Advanced Level) and Sizzling Chemistry (Off-the-Charts Class). I'm sure all of you will ACE your exams. ;)
Happy Monday everybody! Do let me know if you learnt anything. ;)