(no subject)
I have alot on my mind.. I havn't yet come to terms with Phoniye's death. His funeral was very emotional and it was very hard to deal with. The church was packed full of people, there must of been at least 400 people. Although I was dissapointed to not see many of his friends from Monarch.. And really there wern't many white people there...
Eritrean people, at least the semetic groups (tigray and tigrinya) are one of the best looking ethnic groups (I think all ethiopic people are). About 90% of the women wore long scarves made out of a very fine linen with arabesque designs at the end, some were wearing niqaab type veils as well. Some of the older women had these blue tattoos on their face (crosses). Eritrean women though are breathtakingly beautiful, with the finer Indo-European type face structe and in general slim and lean builds. Some of the women though looked almost arab like their skin was so light, I'm not sure on the percentage of cross cultural marriages but it doesn't seem too farfetched given that Eritrea is directly south of Egypt/Sudan and cross the sea from Saudi Arabia and Yemen. There has also long been arabs in Eritrea since antiquity.
Most of the funeral, was in Ge'ez (the liturgical language of the christians of Ethiopic Africa) I could make out alot of words I know from Arabic. A couple times my mom made stupid comments about how arabic everything seemed even though Eritrean culture has pretty much remainded the same since the time of Christ while Arab culture has changed drastically, due to the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him). I was really dissapointed I couldn't understand what the priest was saying though, it was really different from anything I've ever seen. While the priest was reciting the passages, some of the older eritreans would fall to the floor and kneel while repeating what the priest was saying. A few of the older women would start shrieking and tearing at their scarves.. It almost brought the ideas of mourners for hire that you'd use in a funeral.. but like fucking 2000 years ago. there was alot of sitting and standing..and making the cross over your chest/face and at the end the priest gave out communion. I didn't participate in Communion or some of the Catholic rituals. I was raised protestant so alot of it was really foreign and strange to me and.. I didn't think it would be okay if I did because I am protestant, not because I think the catholic church and their 'things' are wrong at all, I just didn't want to.. make light of their religion or of the situation (same thing like when I've been to a mosque or synagogue or hindu temple, you have to respect and not mock their rituals). After the religious part of the ceremony, Nami got up to speak a little about her brother... but pretty much the whole time I was trying to keep myself from crying. I remembered when I was 13 and hated Nami because she found me and Suzanna (her cousin) smoking marijuana by the railroad tracks at San Juan Del Centro and she told my parents.. But now, I guess I'm jealous of the position Nami has achieved in life. Everyone respects her, she's always had her education and future as her priority and she visited her brother when he was at Mesa Vista as often as she could. Now she's working at IBM in upper management only a year older then me, And whenever someone meets her, they can't help but respect her and elevate her in their minds. Although we are a product largely of the same enviroment.. and we've chosen different things in our lives, and I like my life.. I like who I am and I wouldn't change things.. so I guess my envy of Nami is stupid.
After the funeral ended, several men in suits started pushing Phoniye in his coffin out towards the location where he was going to be buried and everyone formed a procession behind with Sara and Russom and Nami and his grandmother walking right behind the coffin.. The mourning older women took this as a sign to up to raise their voices even louder. I was able to catch up with Samara and her brother Phillip and smoke a cigarette by the time everyone had formed a circle around the family. This is the part that I really didn't want to happen or witness. In accordance with my beliefs, the second he passed away, I believe his soul went up to heaven and his body that he left here on earth, is just an empty shell.. I don't like the idea of him being out in the cold ground. I didn't when they lowered him into the ground.. All the older women who wern't crying started to cry. Sara also fell to the ground and started ripping at her hair and veil and shrieking herself. I don't know what to think about that... Like I don't think my grief during this time can even compare to the grief she felt.. In part due them being family and her motherhood. In a way when I think of everything she has gone through.. being pregnant with him, giving birth to him, raising him with all the sacrifices she and Russom made over the yars (I remember at one point she had 3 jobs, Russom had 2 jobs and he delivered the daily camera in the morning to save for their chldren's college fund) and finally her going through the accident and having him require 24 hour care... when I think about those things I think I'd do what she did if I saw my son being lowered into the ground, knowing that I wouldn't see him again until heaven. My old boss Leroy and some of her family helped her stand up, and they walked back to the church to have the reception. I finally got the chance to be close to Sara on the way back, when she saw me she stumbled forward and grabbed me to hug me. I've always felt strange hugging most married women (except dzhenya) but I grabbed her as tightly as she grabbed me, of course I started to bawl my eyes out. I think that the person who I have been most worried about during this time, has been Sara so it felt wonderful and very relieving to be able to do my part in comforting her, she's one of the most incredible human beings I've ever met, and to be sure she is a role model.
I didn't spend much time at the reception as it was mostly for their people.. but afterwards I went with mom to a vietnamese kitchen and ate pho and later on I got called into Saint Anthony Central to work on the Neuro-Trauma unit... Anyway Sorry I wrote such a big entry, but this is the first time that I've had someone pass away who meant so much to me and the first death ever that I've really been affected by so severely.
Eritrean people, at least the semetic groups (tigray and tigrinya) are one of the best looking ethnic groups (I think all ethiopic people are). About 90% of the women wore long scarves made out of a very fine linen with arabesque designs at the end, some were wearing niqaab type veils as well. Some of the older women had these blue tattoos on their face (crosses). Eritrean women though are breathtakingly beautiful, with the finer Indo-European type face structe and in general slim and lean builds. Some of the women though looked almost arab like their skin was so light, I'm not sure on the percentage of cross cultural marriages but it doesn't seem too farfetched given that Eritrea is directly south of Egypt/Sudan and cross the sea from Saudi Arabia and Yemen. There has also long been arabs in Eritrea since antiquity.
Most of the funeral, was in Ge'ez (the liturgical language of the christians of Ethiopic Africa) I could make out alot of words I know from Arabic. A couple times my mom made stupid comments about how arabic everything seemed even though Eritrean culture has pretty much remainded the same since the time of Christ while Arab culture has changed drastically, due to the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him). I was really dissapointed I couldn't understand what the priest was saying though, it was really different from anything I've ever seen. While the priest was reciting the passages, some of the older eritreans would fall to the floor and kneel while repeating what the priest was saying. A few of the older women would start shrieking and tearing at their scarves.. It almost brought the ideas of mourners for hire that you'd use in a funeral.. but like fucking 2000 years ago. there was alot of sitting and standing..and making the cross over your chest/face and at the end the priest gave out communion. I didn't participate in Communion or some of the Catholic rituals. I was raised protestant so alot of it was really foreign and strange to me and.. I didn't think it would be okay if I did because I am protestant, not because I think the catholic church and their 'things' are wrong at all, I just didn't want to.. make light of their religion or of the situation (same thing like when I've been to a mosque or synagogue or hindu temple, you have to respect and not mock their rituals). After the religious part of the ceremony, Nami got up to speak a little about her brother... but pretty much the whole time I was trying to keep myself from crying. I remembered when I was 13 and hated Nami because she found me and Suzanna (her cousin) smoking marijuana by the railroad tracks at San Juan Del Centro and she told my parents.. But now, I guess I'm jealous of the position Nami has achieved in life. Everyone respects her, she's always had her education and future as her priority and she visited her brother when he was at Mesa Vista as often as she could. Now she's working at IBM in upper management only a year older then me, And whenever someone meets her, they can't help but respect her and elevate her in their minds. Although we are a product largely of the same enviroment.. and we've chosen different things in our lives, and I like my life.. I like who I am and I wouldn't change things.. so I guess my envy of Nami is stupid.
After the funeral ended, several men in suits started pushing Phoniye in his coffin out towards the location where he was going to be buried and everyone formed a procession behind with Sara and Russom and Nami and his grandmother walking right behind the coffin.. The mourning older women took this as a sign to up to raise their voices even louder. I was able to catch up with Samara and her brother Phillip and smoke a cigarette by the time everyone had formed a circle around the family. This is the part that I really didn't want to happen or witness. In accordance with my beliefs, the second he passed away, I believe his soul went up to heaven and his body that he left here on earth, is just an empty shell.. I don't like the idea of him being out in the cold ground. I didn't when they lowered him into the ground.. All the older women who wern't crying started to cry. Sara also fell to the ground and started ripping at her hair and veil and shrieking herself. I don't know what to think about that... Like I don't think my grief during this time can even compare to the grief she felt.. In part due them being family and her motherhood. In a way when I think of everything she has gone through.. being pregnant with him, giving birth to him, raising him with all the sacrifices she and Russom made over the yars (I remember at one point she had 3 jobs, Russom had 2 jobs and he delivered the daily camera in the morning to save for their chldren's college fund) and finally her going through the accident and having him require 24 hour care... when I think about those things I think I'd do what she did if I saw my son being lowered into the ground, knowing that I wouldn't see him again until heaven. My old boss Leroy and some of her family helped her stand up, and they walked back to the church to have the reception. I finally got the chance to be close to Sara on the way back, when she saw me she stumbled forward and grabbed me to hug me. I've always felt strange hugging most married women (except dzhenya) but I grabbed her as tightly as she grabbed me, of course I started to bawl my eyes out. I think that the person who I have been most worried about during this time, has been Sara so it felt wonderful and very relieving to be able to do my part in comforting her, she's one of the most incredible human beings I've ever met, and to be sure she is a role model.
I didn't spend much time at the reception as it was mostly for their people.. but afterwards I went with mom to a vietnamese kitchen and ate pho and later on I got called into Saint Anthony Central to work on the Neuro-Trauma unit... Anyway Sorry I wrote such a big entry, but this is the first time that I've had someone pass away who meant so much to me and the first death ever that I've really been affected by so severely.