Lies (Sam/Dean; ficlet)
You tell yourself that it can be enough…that you can take all that you can, without ever crossing a line, without ever needing more.
You tell yourself that you can live with it: invading his space, all the time, breathing him in, fighting alongside him, watching him, intently…even if you don’t really need it, because you know his face better than yours.
You tell yourself that you can seek release elsewhere, that it’s not cheating even if, deep down, it feels like it sometimes. You tell yourself that you’re doing the right thing…even if people around you, good and bad, think that what you two have is unhealthy. But what do they know, really? They just see the big things: the way you just cannot accept to let the other go and are ready to tear heaven and hell and destiny asunder for the other.
They don’t know the truth.
They don’t know that it’s the little things as much as the big ones that make you love each other: the little quirks, the catch in each other’s voices first thing in the morning, the fact that you breathe in his same space…and sometimes you honestly don’t know where you end and he begins and it doesn’t really matter. They don’t know that you love his off key voice when he sings, the way his hands move, the look in his eyes when he’s excited about something.
You tell yourself that it can be enough, that it has to…and maybe someday you will convince yourself of this, maybe you’ll even believe this and maybe he will too.