Beautifully Broken - Complete - (15)
Title: Beautifully Broken
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Previous Parts: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VIII - IX- Xa - Xb- XI - XII - XIII- XIV
The moment had come and gone, but Jared was smiling, as he was sitting on the floor of Jensen's living room, the man next to him ...and they were talking, really talking, their shoulders and thighs brushing, and even if Jared was sure Jensen had been about to kiss him, right before the power went out - and it turned out that it was the black out had covered the whole building, not just Jensen's apartment - he didn't complain.
Who the fuck he was kidding? Jared was happy. They were talking, catching up with years of silence and...those before, of self deception.
“Why did you come to my show, Jay?” Jensen asked, and his voice was softer now, the bitterness and fear had faded, he was genuinely curious.
Jared run a hand through his hair, “Honestly, man? I just wanted to be in the same place with you and not having you send me away”
“It's not like you had tried before...” Jensen said, and there wasn't a hint of accusation in his voice...apparently they were trying to come to terms with their past that night....but Jared didn't have the heart to tell him that he had tried.
He didn't tell Jensen about how many times he had been tempted to go backstage, after one of his performances while he was in New York, he didn't tell him about how many times he had picked up the phone only to shake his head, remembering Jensen's plea and given up.
“Yeah....” Jared said. He let out a chuckle and added, “basically I was just desperate...”
Jensen smiled and Jared nudged him with his elbow, “Shut up...at least I'm man enough to admit it! Even if it took me forever!”
Jensen closed his eyes and said, “You know it will never work, right?”
“The whole: 'what happens next time Hollywood knocks on your door' spiel?” Jared asked. “I don't give a fuck...”
Jensen shook his head, Jared reached over and took his face in his hands, “We were young, we fucked up, we were different people...would you do the same now, Jen? After everything....would you?”
And he didn't even know what he had asked, exactly...he wasn't sure whether he had meant the whole hiding in the closet, giving up on their relationship or the relationship itself.
“My lifetime tune changed, Jared...” Jensen sighed, “I was in Japan, promoting a movie, doing a press junket...and I realized that I had fucked up my whole life for that....Danneel had died, Amy...” he trailed, “all of that because one day, I got scared and hurt...and I didn't stop being scared for years.”
Jared nodded. “You didn't answer my question” he said softly.
Jensen looked at him, and Jared wasn't even surprised when he felt breathless...because Jensen's eyes had always had that power over him, and he was starting to suspect - with good reason - that it would never change.
“I think...” Jensen said slowly, as the space between them seemed to fill with warmth, “that it was a loaded question”
“Maybe” Jared replied, and he was sure, positive, that the space between them was getting thinner and thinner, he could almost feel Jensen breath against his face, now.
“I wouldn't pick up the phone either...” Jensen said...but he didn't reply to the other entendre of the question, he moved, a soft brush of fabric that Jared heard distinctly in the thick silence of the room, and his lips covered his.
It was a chaste, lingering kiss...and Jared had to still, as he felt his heart pounding in his chest, because Jensen was lightly trembling, because part of him was still running, was still afraid...part of him, he suspected, would always grieve, but he was there...for him, he wasn't going anywhere. Not ever.
Jensen breathed, against his lips, “Ask me again” he said.
And Jared got right away what Jensen meant, his hand went up to Jensen's neck,and his skin was as soft as he recalled, it was still familiar and new, exciting at the same time. “What do you want?” He breathed.
Jensen pulled back, looking at him, for a moment, “I want your sneakers in the middle of the living room because you think that's their place, I want to trip over them and be a bitch about it....I want to see you geek out when you see an action figure or the umpteenth DVD special edition of Star Wars” he pecked his lips, “I want coffee in bed in the morning and you being high on sugar and adrenaline”
“Yeah...about that...” Jared said sheepishly, “Metabolism is a bitch...”
“Shut up...” Jensen said, kissing him again, and there was passion, now, in his kiss, “I want to forget what are my shirts and what are yours and not care if people see or notice when we wear each other's clothes...” Jensen hand trailed up, and went to his neck, they were holding each other, now, and Jensen rested his forehead against his for a moment, “And I'm still scared...because I know us”
“We have changed...” Jared said.
The last candle burnt out, leaving them in the dark, leaving just Jensen's lips covering his, again.
“We have...” Jared repeated, pulling away. He couldn't see Jensen, not in the dark; he could just feel his hands, on his shoulders, firm and warm, the ghost of his breath tickling against his lips.
He needed Jensen to believe him...and he needed to know that he could trust Jensen...and there was just one way to show Jensen and to himself, so, he took a deep breath, and stilled Jensen as he kissed him, again.
His sister was right: he was an idiot....but he was one who wouldn't make the same mistake, again.
“Jensen...” he breathed and he could feel the man's stare on him, now, and he could basically hear his “what now?” , even if Jensen wasn't speaking, his lips were still dangerously close to his, and so very tempting.
“We fucked during a black out the first time...” Jared said, his voice suddenly thick, remembering for a second, that night...how it had felt...and how he had left Jensen's bed afterwards.
“Yeah...” Jensen said, “I remember, I was there...”
“Not gonna make that mistake again, man....” Jared said. “Go to bed...”
“Are you going all prince charming on me, J?” Jensen said.
“We have changed.” Jared said, “go to bed...get some sleep...I'll crash here, and I'll still be here when you wake up...if you...” he hesitated, “want me to...”
He could feel his heart drumming in his chest, as silence fell in the room, and the only thing he could hear was Jensen's breath. He hoped, prayed that Jensen got him...like he always had. He hoped Jensen had let himself believe him.
He felt the seconds passing, time almost slowing down, and he started when he felt Jensen's lips, warm, pressing against his temple, and then a mumbled, “God, I hate you...”
He smiled, even though he felt on the verge of tears, even though part of him wanted to reach out when he heard Jensen getting up and hold him, to make sure he would2in't go away, that it was really happening.
“There's a spare toothbrush in the second drawer in the bathroom” Jensen said after a second, his voice hoarse...and Jared was sure, even if he couldn't see him, that Jensen's hand had gone to the back of his neck, as he always did when he was nervous about something.
Jared let out a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding. Actually it felt like he was really breathing for the first time in years and judging by the sound Jensen had just made, it had to be the same for him.
“I really hate you” Jensen said under his breath as he left the room
“Yeah, I know...” Jared called after him, he closed his eyes, tilting his head back, resting it against the couch, against which they had sat all night and said, “me too...”
He didn't know how long he stayed in the dark, letting his body relax, the tension of the day slowly leaving him, all he knew was that he was half-asleep, on the couch, when he felt a nudge; out of old habit he moved, making room to Jensen - and one day he'd really try and understand how it was physically even possible that they always managed to do that - he furrowed his brow, and said, “J?”
“Shut up” Jensen said
“But...” Jared protested.
“Forever starts now...” Jensen just said.
Jared smiled, his arms automatically wrapping around Jensen's shoulders, the other man's breath against his neck. He was too tired to tell Jensen that they might have moved into his bedroom, too tired to crack a joke.
Too happy to care.
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Previous Parts: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VIII - IX- Xa - Xb- XI - XII - XIII- XIV
The moment had come and gone, but Jared was smiling, as he was sitting on the floor of Jensen's living room, the man next to him ...and they were talking, really talking, their shoulders and thighs brushing, and even if Jared was sure Jensen had been about to kiss him, right before the power went out - and it turned out that it was the black out had covered the whole building, not just Jensen's apartment - he didn't complain.
Who the fuck he was kidding? Jared was happy. They were talking, catching up with years of silence and...those before, of self deception.
“Why did you come to my show, Jay?” Jensen asked, and his voice was softer now, the bitterness and fear had faded, he was genuinely curious.
Jared run a hand through his hair, “Honestly, man? I just wanted to be in the same place with you and not having you send me away”
“It's not like you had tried before...” Jensen said, and there wasn't a hint of accusation in his voice...apparently they were trying to come to terms with their past that night....but Jared didn't have the heart to tell him that he had tried.
He didn't tell Jensen about how many times he had been tempted to go backstage, after one of his performances while he was in New York, he didn't tell him about how many times he had picked up the phone only to shake his head, remembering Jensen's plea and given up.
“Yeah....” Jared said. He let out a chuckle and added, “basically I was just desperate...”
Jensen smiled and Jared nudged him with his elbow, “Shut up...at least I'm man enough to admit it! Even if it took me forever!”
Jensen closed his eyes and said, “You know it will never work, right?”
“The whole: 'what happens next time Hollywood knocks on your door' spiel?” Jared asked. “I don't give a fuck...”
Jensen shook his head, Jared reached over and took his face in his hands, “We were young, we fucked up, we were different people...would you do the same now, Jen? After everything....would you?”
And he didn't even know what he had asked, exactly...he wasn't sure whether he had meant the whole hiding in the closet, giving up on their relationship or the relationship itself.
“My lifetime tune changed, Jared...” Jensen sighed, “I was in Japan, promoting a movie, doing a press junket...and I realized that I had fucked up my whole life for that....Danneel had died, Amy...” he trailed, “all of that because one day, I got scared and hurt...and I didn't stop being scared for years.”
Jared nodded. “You didn't answer my question” he said softly.
Jensen looked at him, and Jared wasn't even surprised when he felt breathless...because Jensen's eyes had always had that power over him, and he was starting to suspect - with good reason - that it would never change.
“I think...” Jensen said slowly, as the space between them seemed to fill with warmth, “that it was a loaded question”
“Maybe” Jared replied, and he was sure, positive, that the space between them was getting thinner and thinner, he could almost feel Jensen breath against his face, now.
“I wouldn't pick up the phone either...” Jensen said...but he didn't reply to the other entendre of the question, he moved, a soft brush of fabric that Jared heard distinctly in the thick silence of the room, and his lips covered his.
It was a chaste, lingering kiss...and Jared had to still, as he felt his heart pounding in his chest, because Jensen was lightly trembling, because part of him was still running, was still afraid...part of him, he suspected, would always grieve, but he was there...for him, he wasn't going anywhere. Not ever.
Jensen breathed, against his lips, “Ask me again” he said.
And Jared got right away what Jensen meant, his hand went up to Jensen's neck,and his skin was as soft as he recalled, it was still familiar and new, exciting at the same time. “What do you want?” He breathed.
Jensen pulled back, looking at him, for a moment, “I want your sneakers in the middle of the living room because you think that's their place, I want to trip over them and be a bitch about it....I want to see you geek out when you see an action figure or the umpteenth DVD special edition of Star Wars” he pecked his lips, “I want coffee in bed in the morning and you being high on sugar and adrenaline”
“Yeah...about that...” Jared said sheepishly, “Metabolism is a bitch...”
“Shut up...” Jensen said, kissing him again, and there was passion, now, in his kiss, “I want to forget what are my shirts and what are yours and not care if people see or notice when we wear each other's clothes...” Jensen hand trailed up, and went to his neck, they were holding each other, now, and Jensen rested his forehead against his for a moment, “And I'm still scared...because I know us”
“We have changed...” Jared said.
The last candle burnt out, leaving them in the dark, leaving just Jensen's lips covering his, again.
“We have...” Jared repeated, pulling away. He couldn't see Jensen, not in the dark; he could just feel his hands, on his shoulders, firm and warm, the ghost of his breath tickling against his lips.
He needed Jensen to believe him...and he needed to know that he could trust Jensen...and there was just one way to show Jensen and to himself, so, he took a deep breath, and stilled Jensen as he kissed him, again.
His sister was right: he was an idiot....but he was one who wouldn't make the same mistake, again.
“Jensen...” he breathed and he could feel the man's stare on him, now, and he could basically hear his “what now?” , even if Jensen wasn't speaking, his lips were still dangerously close to his, and so very tempting.
“We fucked during a black out the first time...” Jared said, his voice suddenly thick, remembering for a second, that night...how it had felt...and how he had left Jensen's bed afterwards.
“Yeah...” Jensen said, “I remember, I was there...”
“Not gonna make that mistake again, man....” Jared said. “Go to bed...”
“Are you going all prince charming on me, J?” Jensen said.
“We have changed.” Jared said, “go to bed...get some sleep...I'll crash here, and I'll still be here when you wake up...if you...” he hesitated, “want me to...”
He could feel his heart drumming in his chest, as silence fell in the room, and the only thing he could hear was Jensen's breath. He hoped, prayed that Jensen got him...like he always had. He hoped Jensen had let himself believe him.
He felt the seconds passing, time almost slowing down, and he started when he felt Jensen's lips, warm, pressing against his temple, and then a mumbled, “God, I hate you...”
He smiled, even though he felt on the verge of tears, even though part of him wanted to reach out when he heard Jensen getting up and hold him, to make sure he would2in't go away, that it was really happening.
“There's a spare toothbrush in the second drawer in the bathroom” Jensen said after a second, his voice hoarse...and Jared was sure, even if he couldn't see him, that Jensen's hand had gone to the back of his neck, as he always did when he was nervous about something.
Jared let out a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding. Actually it felt like he was really breathing for the first time in years and judging by the sound Jensen had just made, it had to be the same for him.
“I really hate you” Jensen said under his breath as he left the room
“Yeah, I know...” Jared called after him, he closed his eyes, tilting his head back, resting it against the couch, against which they had sat all night and said, “me too...”
He didn't know how long he stayed in the dark, letting his body relax, the tension of the day slowly leaving him, all he knew was that he was half-asleep, on the couch, when he felt a nudge; out of old habit he moved, making room to Jensen - and one day he'd really try and understand how it was physically even possible that they always managed to do that - he furrowed his brow, and said, “J?”
“Shut up” Jensen said
“But...” Jared protested.
“Forever starts now...” Jensen just said.
Jared smiled, his arms automatically wrapping around Jensen's shoulders, the other man's breath against his neck. He was too tired to tell Jensen that they might have moved into his bedroom, too tired to crack a joke.
Too happy to care.