So much to say
I know I've slacked off on my updating so now that I have time and sooo much is happening...well maybe working it out here will set it straight in my head. I was going to do this as a video blog but my camera is in the car so fuck it. I am not going to write about the Boston trip because Ashley pretty much already covered that but shortly after I got back from that I had Lauren, JB, and Ashley over just to visit, it was really good to see everyone. From that I started going with JB to 80's night at the Masquerade which is really awesome (except for last week). The first week that I went there JB invited James, who I had to that point not met and we ended up hooking up and God, I really liked him he was everything I thought I wanted and he made me feel really good. However, after we hung out for awhile (and we are like the same person) he got really attached really fast and though I cared about him I just had a lot of trouble coping with having another boyfriend. Admittedly, I was just wary of the whole thing and I probably just shouldn't have started it but its too late now. We've been together a week now and its about over. He met my parents and handled that well but I guess he is just too protective and needy. He got upset that I covered him in a blanket that Presley gave me for xmas, he litteraly flipped out like there was some kind of connotation there and I was purposely trying to hurt him. I delt with that, but when we went to masquerade the next week I wasnt allowed to talk or dance with anybody but him and he got really drunk and really pissed and argued with me most of the night. There were guys who kept going by and asking me if I was okay and that just pissed him off more. After that we went to Waffle House (really bad idea) and he embarassed the fuck out of me and he just said some really hurtful things, like he was basically calling me a dirty whore. This was last Thursday, the night after I found out that my parents are separating and my mom is moving to Oregon to be with her family out there. With all this going on I was considering going out there too because with my grandma and cousins out there I could have my own place with my cousin and go to a great school cheap, I think I might go to art school in San Fransisco. After all the drama that night I pretty much decided to leave. I don't have much here, I have a few close friends that I really care about but I don't have any family here and its never felt like home. It is really going to hurt to leave my brother and father though, they are the only people in the family that I am really close to but I just feel like I need to take this opportunity or I will really regret it later because if I stayed here I'd have to take a semester off and work and god knows if I'd ever go back. So, I'm leaving on the 17th. My uncle is going to fly down and drive me across to OR in a u haul with all my stuff and I'll be on the west coast probably until I am done with college. I'll be back really often to see my bro and dad but I think that I will like it out there. Now I am just thinking of what I am leaving and wondering if I am making the right choice. Really, I can always come back if I need to and I will always have a place here but its just hard to change. After masquerade James didn't call me the next day and I really didnt expect him to so I thought we were over. He called just a few minutes ago and I told him what was going on. We've only known each other a few weeks but I care about him and feel like shit for hurting him this way, and every other way I apparently have, but I have to assume that we are just not meant to be. So, well I'm just feeling really vulnerable now. James is going with me and my bro to a concert tomorrow and I hope it will be okay I just figured I was leaving and I probably wouldn't see him much before I leave but I'm just going to tell him that we are over and that I see no reason to prolong the pain. I will really miss everybody but I'm calling Ashley all the time once I move cause shes my little optimism booster, she always makes me feel better. I guess thats it..