(no subject)
I fucking figured it out!
The only reason why I retreat to obsessing over Ryan is because he is the last person I've been with and I feel obligated to think about something!
See:
1. I don't call him at all.
2. I don't walk around his house anymore.
3. I doubt I'd enjoy one more night with him.
There, it makes sense... I obligate myself to focus on something (Ryan) that makes me feel complete in cases when I feel empty. Therefore, I use his remnants in order to feel like I'm doing something traditionally productive -- which is expected in a love life. That's it!