Chorus Romance Says Goodnight
Title: Chorus Romance Says Goodnight
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon/Pete
Point of View: Ryan and Brendon
Rating: R
Word Count: 4,583
Chapters: 3
Ghosts (chapter one)
The rumors began to surface more since me and him started going out. At first it didn’t bother me, and I really didn’t pay any attention to the rumors, all except one.
I know Brendon wouldn’t cheat on me, that rumor was just fake I know it was; or at least I thought it was fake. I don’t know really, is it horrible that I think he is? I don’t know what to do, do I ask him? Do I keep it to myself and see if he spills it, but how could someone possibly tell someone they love that they are cheating on them.
I don’t feel very well at the moment, and thinking about this is making my head hurt more than it should. I need to get away from here, and fast.
I looked over at the phone resting next to me, thinking who could I call to steal me away and just help me forget what I was hearing. Than it all dawned on me. Peter Wentz.
I picked up my Sidekick and scrolled through the list of contacts until I came across Pete Wentz. I looked at the highlighted name before I pressed the call button. I placed the ear piece to my ear, and listened to the ringing.
I went silent for a bit when I heard Pete answer, than I cleared my throat and said. “Hey Pete, you want to go out and so something?” I said lightly and waited for his reply; Pete didn’t know about me and Brendon and at the moment I didn’t want to tell him. I waited for his reply which was a yes than I hung up and headed toward where Pete and the others were staying, since there concert was close by.
I walked to the hotel and knocked on the door, waiting for Pete to answer. When the door opened I looked and saw Patrick, I smiled, ‘hey” I said lightly and than Patrick smiled and said hi as well before yelling for Pete to come to the door.
Was it odd that Patrick knew that I came to see Pete? Pete also might of told him. That’s all I can really think of.
Pete walked to the door, all smiles as he walked out shutting it. “Let’s go see a movie.. I know this place that has barely any people in it, we can hide in the back” he said laughing lightly before walking off.
I watched him walk off before I ran after him, “what movie do you want to see?” I asked walking next to him my hands in my pockets.
Pete looked over at me and than back at the floor, “umm.. No clue” he said and chuckled lightly. I looked over at him and smiled, “well we can decide when we get there.” I said before I walked to the elevator.
Pete pushed the button and we stood there in silence until the elevator slowly lowered, once I heard the ding I knew the elevator was there, but not what was about to happen inside of it.
I stepped in, Pete following in behind me I stalled for a second before I pushed the button for the lobby, when the doors closed I felt Pete wrap his arms around my waist and pull me close to his body my back against his chest.
I didn’t tell him to stop either, when I felt his hands running against the most sensitive part of my body, he reached over and pushed the stop elevator button, and it happened rather quickly almost to quickly for me to really understand what was happening.
I was cheating on Brendon but I didn’t stop him or myself, I think in my mind I thought if Brendon was cheating than why could I? But now I must sound horrible.
I felt Pete push my chest against the elevator wall, my shirt was slightly open and I could feel the cold metal against my stomach, and Pete’s hands tracing over my hips.
What was I doing! I screamed to myself. My mind didn’t want it, but my body god my body wanted it, and I knew if my body wanted it my mind was completely lost and my body would not respond to what my mind wanted.
My voice played tricks on me, and I couldn’t hold back all that wanted to come out of my mouth. He stayed close to me for sometime, until finally it was all over with.
I leaned against the elevator wall my head resting against the wall my eyes only slightly opened. I peek out from behind my squinted eyelids and see Pete’s reflection in the mirrored wall of the elevator.
I felt him move away, and watched him as he pulled his pants back up. I moved and did the same with my own pants, and than I buttoned the rest of my shirt up.
I felt him reach over and kiss my neck a little before, he moved and pushed the red button on the elevator wall which made the elevator begin to move once more. I looked in the mirror of the elevator door; and fixed my hair.
Seconds later the door of the elevator pulled open, and me and Pete stepped out. When we stepped out of the hotel lobby my phone went off. I reached into my pocket saw it was Brendon and than moved and looked to Pete “hold on” I said and walked off and answered the phone.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said, and waited for Brendon to respond he said he had to talk to me. I felt my entire body get heavy as if someone had just filled my inners with cement. I swallowed lightly and than replied with a, “yeah sure I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” I said and hung up.
I walked over to Pete, “we’ll have to postpone that movie, I have some stuff to take care of, so I’ll call you later.” I said and waved, and walked off. I looked at the reflection on the side of the building and watched Pete walk back into the hotel.
--
I got back to the cabin 20 minutes after Brendon had called me. I opened the door, and looked around, “hey where..” I stopped when a sudden burst of energy latched onto me. It was Brendon.
I regained my balance since he had nearly knocked me off my feet, “Holy fuck” I said and than looked at him, “what was that for?” I said looking at him.
He looks at me with that smile, that smile that always seemed to get me no matter how hard I tried to forget it was always there in the back of my mind. The way his lips creased and the way his cheeks moved. I shook my head a bit and looked at him.
Brendon smiled at me and than said “I just wanted to” he said and than took my hands. “I just wanted to be you there really is nothing we need to talk about.” He said with a smile, and than my entire head filled with smoke. I ran my hands through my hair, than without warning I said.
“Actually, there is something I need to tell you.” I said softly, Brendon’s face looked so happy, but with the words I just said it went to serious and almost looked worried. Brendon nodded his head lightly than moved, and walked over with me to the living room.
I don’t know how long we sat in silence for, it had to of been 10 minutes or so. I looked at him than took his hand into mine and than I looked down. “What I’m about to say.. Will probably make you hate me more than you could ever.” I said softly, I swallowed softly than looked to him.
I cleared my throat lightly, and than opened my mouth and said it. “I slept with Pete.” I surprised myself with how calmly I said it. I looked at Brendon’s face which seem to be paused at the same expression, his eyes had sunken downward and I thought he was going to cry, would he cry? I kept thinking to myself. I looked at him, and than he let go of my hands and stood up.
I watched him, “Brendon.. Say something.” I said looking at him before standing up myself.
I felt him put his hands on my shoulders, his head still turned downward I just wanted to see his eyes, please look at me I said to myself as I stood there in front of him.
It was when I heard the first sob that I knew he was crying, fuck I thought I did it, I did the worse thing possible I made Brendon Urie cry. I swallowed heavily and felt like I wanted to throw up right than and there. I moved my hands and went to put them on his face but he jerked away from me and looked at me with hateful eyes.
I looked back at him, and the next words ripped into me like knives ripping into fabric. “I fucking hate you.”
I felt my body shake as he said that, my eyes looked down, “I.. I know.” I said softly, I stood there and than I heard him move a bit and he grabbed me and pushed me onto the couch before stepping past me and walked to the door. “I wanted to fucking punch you just than! But I couldn’t.. how could you fucking do that Ryan” he yelled at me, and I felt the tears in my own eyes welling up.
Brendon stood there his hands gripping his car keys, his eyes stained with tears, tears that I made him have. “I’m sorry Brendon..” I said lightly.
I watched Brendon and he walked to the door, he pulled it open than looked at me, “guess you should of thought about that before you let Pete fuck you.” He said and than with that he walked out slamming the door behind him.
I sat on the couch staring at my hands tears hitting the tops of my hands, I swallowed lightly and I blamed myself for all of it, because it was.. in fact my fault; and I hated myself for it.
I had been the downfall in our relationship, and I did love him, do love him, will always love him.
Everything just fucking sucks now.
There For You (chapter two)
It’s been about three weeks since I last talked, saw, or heard from Brendon. I’m worried, afraid, and it seems so many emotions are running through my system right now. I’ve been depressed, angst everything rolled into one.
I didn’t mean to hurt him, I didn’t want to hurt him so why did I? I could of called someone else, hell Brent would have been a better person to call but I figured Pete could help me, but I didn’t want him to help me in this way.
Ever since the elevator incident he has been showing up a lot more lately, wanting more of it but I never give it to him, and he gets frustrated and leaves. I still haven’t told him about Brendon but I think he’s catching on, since Brendon is no where to be found anymore.
Spencer and Jon have told me to call him, but even if I did call him their would be that chance he wouldn’t answer or worse, he would answer; and if he did how could he possible talk to me? I can’t even look myself in the mirror anymore without seeing the mistake I made.
I hate myself, I hate Pete, and I hate that Brendon is gone.
--
I left the night he told me, I left and ran away from the one thing I loved most. Sometimes I think I’m an idiot that just maybe, me and him could work this out; but than I think of Pete holding onto Ryan, and than I remember why I left.
Though this has taken a toil on my body, I haven’t slept or really ate much since I left. Insomnia is slowly starting to take over me, and I can’t seem to get things straight anymore, visions blurry and I’ve gone to drinking. Ryan would just love that wouldn’t he?
I can just see him disappointed in me, yelling at me, because I was doing one of the things he really didn’t like. I was drinking.
But damn it it takes the pain away! Even if it just makes me numb.
I’ve thought about calling him, but half the time when I am thinking about it I’m drunk off my ass and if I called him while I was drunk, nothing good would come out of it.
I miss him though.
--
I had finally fallen asleep around 3 this morning, when my phone goes off. I slowly pull myself up off of the bed and search for my phone; I find it and with my vision blurry from sleep I didn’t care to look at who was calling me. I place the phone to my ear and very groggily I said “Hello?”
The other line was silently, except for a couple of sniffs and I sat up I swallowed lightly than moved the phone from my ear, and looked at the name that was on the screen. I than placed the phone to my ear, “Brendon” I said softly.
I heard the phone shift “don’t hang up” I said rather quickly. “Please don’t hang up” I said once more.
I waited in silence for a bit and than heard his breathing and I sighed softly, “Brendon, I’m sorry.” I had said this so many times but to no one cause Brendon wasn’t here. “I’m worried about you, where are you?”
Still I heard just his breathing,.
“Brendon, please tell me.” I heard another sniff on the other end of the phone and than a cough. I waited, if we had to sit here in silence, than we would if this was the closest I would get to him than I would stay on the phone with him.
Finally after 10 minutes of silence between the two of us Brendon finally said. “Why?” it was the most simple thing to ask, but yet I could not think of a reason, I couldn’t say I was lonely cause I wasn’t.
“Honestly Brendon, I don’t know why I did it, I hate myself for it everyday, every second even.” I said softly, “I hate myself and him for it, but you have every right to be upset with me.” I went to say something else but I was cut off by Brendon.
“Ryan,” he said softly, his voice containing small sobs. “I need help.”
I moved off of the bed, “what’s wrong?” I said and than after a pause “where are you?” I felt my heart beating into my throat, and I was worried, more than just a little.
“Brendon where are you?” I said again since he had not told me yet. I waited once more, and than I heard, “in the drive way.”
I stood up, and than moved and looked out the window and saw Brendon standing in the drive way, he looked like shit. His hair was unkempt he hadn’t shaved and his clothes looked dirty.
I watched him from the window as he put his phone into his pocket. I hung mine up and moved pulling on some shoes and walked toward the living room.
I pulled the front door open, and a sudden burst of wind chilled my bones, and I remember I was only in my boxers and my shoes. I must of looked lovely just than.
I moved and grabbed a coat from the coat rack and pulled it on before, closing the door behind me and walked over toward him.
Brendon looked at me, and I felt my entire body get cold and not just cause of the night desert wind but his eyes were so full of pain that I could feel my body tremble at his stares.
We stared at each other for a while before Brendon moved and quickly embraced me, my arms were at my side when he did this. I slowly pulled my arms around his body and held onto him, and I heard him sob lightly into the shoulder of my coat.
Guilt began to build into my mind, and I felt horrible so I held onto him tighter not letting him go. His body shook in my arms and than I smelt the alcohol on his body and than my body itself began to shake.
I moved back and looked at him, “come on” I said and slowly guided him back into the house.
I took him to the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet and moved going to his room; I grabbed some clothes and than came back and placed them on the counter.
I moved over to him and took the comb next to the toilet and ran it through his hair lightly.
He moved his arms and placed them around my waist his arms were tightly wrapped around my hips. I looked down at him and than placed my hands on his head lightly before moving and placing the comb down on the counter and moved down so I was facing him.
I moved and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding his body close to mine.
We sat that way for awhile until I pulled back and looked at him. “You’ll be okay Brendon, we’ll both be okay.” I said softly, and than took his hands into mine. “I promise.”
Love Hurts (chapter three)
I’m trying to make up for what I did, but its not as easy I thought it would be. Brendon seems a little distant and I don’t blame him. I was able to do small things for him, like this morning.
I sat in the bathroom with him, and he sat on the toilet. I had a razor and slowly shaved his facial hair off, and than I combed out his hair before letting him go change into normal clothes.
Things seemed pretty calm too for awhile, I stayed to myself figured if I got near Brendon or close to him he would just feel awkward, and I think he felt the same about towards me; so we never stayed close one another because of the way we felt at that moment.
I could tell he was still upset with me, but I tried my hardest to make him not upset with me but nothing seemed to be helping me. I love Brendon and I feel like such a jerk because of what I did.
--
Ryan tries, and I love him for doing that; but when he touches me I picture Pete right there watching us. I hate that this has done this to me, every time I want to just hold Ryan I can’t because Pete’s nasty fucking face comes into view and I push my thoughts aside.
When he helped me shave this morning that was the closest we had been since the night before. I don’t hate Ryan I could never hate him, I just hate what he did; it hurts to know that he let Pete do that to him. I can’t help but be jealous, envious, angry; everything rolled up into one.
Sometimes I wish I had never meet Ryan, but than where would I be now? No where probably.
--
We were all sitting in the living room, watching the TV none of us were really talking. Jon sat on the floor playing with his kitten, Spencer was asleep on the couch and Brendon and I were sharing the love seat.
We both were on separate ends of the seat though so we never touched, or were even close enough to touching.
I focused all of my energy on the TV never look away from it, I wouldn’t dare because if I did I would notice Brendon sitting next to me and than I would feel guilt and regret well up inside of me. So I focused my eyes on the TV.
Nothing would break the bond I had with the TV or well I lie, something would break my bond with the TV it was the sound of the door bell being rang.
We hadn’t called for anyone to come over, we hadn’t been told either. The only thing that came to my mind was the person on the opposite side of that door was Pete Wentz.
I stood up and walked over to the door, peering out of the peep-hole and sure enough standing outside the door his hands shoved into his pockets was. Pete.
I let out a soft sigh, and I heard someone shift in there seat. I turned and saw Brendon looking at me, he than said “who is it?” He said and than I looked at him and than back at the door.
“Pete” I said lightly. I saw Brendon’s expression change rather quickly and he almost looked like he wanted to throw up.
--
I heard his name and I instantly wanted to jump over the chair and run to the door, open it and fucking slug him in the face HARD. But I didn’t actually that was one part of my emotion the other wanted to just run away and never look back but than I realized I had already done that.
Ryan needed me at this point even if it was to fend off Pete.
--
I moved from the door and than looked at the door knob. I heard his impatient knock and than I sighed softly and slowly opened the door. “Hi Pete” I said softly, and than opened the door fully and let him walk in. When he had, I moved and shut the door behind him.
He looked at me and than to Brendon before opening his mouth and saying, “hey Urie I was wondering where you had run off to.” He said with a sick grin.
I watched Brendon ball his fists a little and than turn to look back at the TV. Pete looked to me, and than I passed him and sat back down next to Brendon by the time this all happened Spencer had woken up and Jon had picked up his kitten where it now slept in his lap.
I felt Pete’s eyes on me the entire time he walked toward the couch. Spencer sat up and let Pete sit down he than glanced over at me and than moved and went into the kitchen.
“So Ryan how are things going” I heard Pete say. I turned my head and looked at him before saying. “Fine.. Why do you ask?” I said his eyes staring me down, until he grinned. “Just curious.” He said and than stretched a bit; before he slipped his arms behind his head.
I felt him staring at me, and Brendon moved a bit in the seat before getting up and walked off into the kitchen with Spencer.
The one thing I dreaded when Brendon got up was that Pete was going to jump over and sit next to me and just as I thought that he did.
--
I hate Pete, so fucking much I can’t seem to look him in the eye without thinking of a way to murder him in his sleep. I’m sure he’s probably chatting with Ryan acting as if nothing has even happened. I on the other hand do know something happened, as does Ryan.
I took a couple of breathes than I felt Spencer place a hand on my shoulder. I turned my eyes and looked at him, I smiled weakly and than he rubbed my shoulder lightly before walking out.
I heard Ryan and Pete talking, it seemed harmless until I heard Ryan say “Leave me alone.” Than I started to get territorial.
--
“Pete stop” I said countless times before, this wasn’t the first time he’d tried to get into my pants, and honestly I was tired of it. “Fucking stop” I said a little bit to loud.
I looked at Pete and he than backed up and than stood up. “You know Ryan you’re such a fucking tease, you know that.” He said, and my entire body began to tremble. I heard his words correctly he had just called me a tease. Was I a tease?
The next thing happened so fast I was caught off guard entirely.
--
What I heard Pete say made my blood boil, he had called Ryan a tease. Ryan was no tease, and this pissed me off, yes Ryan had sex with Pete but if anyone was a fucking tease let alone a fucking slut it was Pete.
I walked into the room and looked at Pete.
I had my fists clenched tightly as I stared him down, my eyes were squinted a little to signify that I was pissed off more than just a little.
The next thing I knew my fists had compacted with Pete’s face, making him back up rather quickly holding his face.
“What the fuck did you do that for!” I heard him yell at me. I stood there looking at him, “DON’T ever call my friend a tease you mother fucker!” I said looking at him.
I saw his fists clench out of the corner of my eye and I knew he was going to punch me next, and I knew it would hurt a lot worse than what I had done to him. He was after a little bigger than me. I braced myself for the punch.
--
I stared wide eyed at the scene that unfolded in front of my eyes. Brendon had just punched Pete, and he did it in my defense.
I saw Pete raise his fists and before he could do anything that involved Brendon getting punched I pulled Brendon back so he was behind me.
Pete pulled his arm back when he saw that I was now in front of Brendon. “Get out” I said calmly looking at him.
Pete looked at me, his face now red from the impact. I heard him grunt a little before he stormed out slamming the door in response to his anger.
I turned and looked at Brendon, who was actually shaking because of the after math. I moved and put a hand to my forehead while Brendon slide down and sat on the seat.
I moved and sat down next to him, Jon sat in the same spot, same position only his expression was wide eyed. He looked over at us and than looked at Spencer who had entered the room just as Brendon had punched Pete.
Jon cleared his throat lightly than followed by that he said, “holy shit” which caused us all to laugh a little.
Chapter Four Outline [Here Without You]
- Ryan feels sorry for Pete after the incident with Brendon, and he goes to patch things up between Pete and himself. But what happens is the comfort gets to close and they of course end up having sex once more with one another.
- Ryan tells Brendon right off, saying he's sorry he did it to comfort Pete he felt sorry for him, which in this case was true.
- Brendon doesn't take ti so easily and he takes drastic measures to forget all that is happening. Since all he wanted was Ryan and things seem to be to horrible for him.
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon/Pete
Point of View: Ryan and Brendon
Rating: R
Word Count: 4,583
Chapters: 3
Ghosts (chapter one)
The rumors began to surface more since me and him started going out. At first it didn’t bother me, and I really didn’t pay any attention to the rumors, all except one.
I know Brendon wouldn’t cheat on me, that rumor was just fake I know it was; or at least I thought it was fake. I don’t know really, is it horrible that I think he is? I don’t know what to do, do I ask him? Do I keep it to myself and see if he spills it, but how could someone possibly tell someone they love that they are cheating on them.
I don’t feel very well at the moment, and thinking about this is making my head hurt more than it should. I need to get away from here, and fast.
I looked over at the phone resting next to me, thinking who could I call to steal me away and just help me forget what I was hearing. Than it all dawned on me. Peter Wentz.
I picked up my Sidekick and scrolled through the list of contacts until I came across Pete Wentz. I looked at the highlighted name before I pressed the call button. I placed the ear piece to my ear, and listened to the ringing.
I went silent for a bit when I heard Pete answer, than I cleared my throat and said. “Hey Pete, you want to go out and so something?” I said lightly and waited for his reply; Pete didn’t know about me and Brendon and at the moment I didn’t want to tell him. I waited for his reply which was a yes than I hung up and headed toward where Pete and the others were staying, since there concert was close by.
I walked to the hotel and knocked on the door, waiting for Pete to answer. When the door opened I looked and saw Patrick, I smiled, ‘hey” I said lightly and than Patrick smiled and said hi as well before yelling for Pete to come to the door.
Was it odd that Patrick knew that I came to see Pete? Pete also might of told him. That’s all I can really think of.
Pete walked to the door, all smiles as he walked out shutting it. “Let’s go see a movie.. I know this place that has barely any people in it, we can hide in the back” he said laughing lightly before walking off.
I watched him walk off before I ran after him, “what movie do you want to see?” I asked walking next to him my hands in my pockets.
Pete looked over at me and than back at the floor, “umm.. No clue” he said and chuckled lightly. I looked over at him and smiled, “well we can decide when we get there.” I said before I walked to the elevator.
Pete pushed the button and we stood there in silence until the elevator slowly lowered, once I heard the ding I knew the elevator was there, but not what was about to happen inside of it.
I stepped in, Pete following in behind me I stalled for a second before I pushed the button for the lobby, when the doors closed I felt Pete wrap his arms around my waist and pull me close to his body my back against his chest.
I didn’t tell him to stop either, when I felt his hands running against the most sensitive part of my body, he reached over and pushed the stop elevator button, and it happened rather quickly almost to quickly for me to really understand what was happening.
I was cheating on Brendon but I didn’t stop him or myself, I think in my mind I thought if Brendon was cheating than why could I? But now I must sound horrible.
I felt Pete push my chest against the elevator wall, my shirt was slightly open and I could feel the cold metal against my stomach, and Pete’s hands tracing over my hips.
What was I doing! I screamed to myself. My mind didn’t want it, but my body god my body wanted it, and I knew if my body wanted it my mind was completely lost and my body would not respond to what my mind wanted.
My voice played tricks on me, and I couldn’t hold back all that wanted to come out of my mouth. He stayed close to me for sometime, until finally it was all over with.
I leaned against the elevator wall my head resting against the wall my eyes only slightly opened. I peek out from behind my squinted eyelids and see Pete’s reflection in the mirrored wall of the elevator.
I felt him move away, and watched him as he pulled his pants back up. I moved and did the same with my own pants, and than I buttoned the rest of my shirt up.
I felt him reach over and kiss my neck a little before, he moved and pushed the red button on the elevator wall which made the elevator begin to move once more. I looked in the mirror of the elevator door; and fixed my hair.
Seconds later the door of the elevator pulled open, and me and Pete stepped out. When we stepped out of the hotel lobby my phone went off. I reached into my pocket saw it was Brendon and than moved and looked to Pete “hold on” I said and walked off and answered the phone.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said, and waited for Brendon to respond he said he had to talk to me. I felt my entire body get heavy as if someone had just filled my inners with cement. I swallowed lightly and than replied with a, “yeah sure I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” I said and hung up.
I walked over to Pete, “we’ll have to postpone that movie, I have some stuff to take care of, so I’ll call you later.” I said and waved, and walked off. I looked at the reflection on the side of the building and watched Pete walk back into the hotel.
--
I got back to the cabin 20 minutes after Brendon had called me. I opened the door, and looked around, “hey where..” I stopped when a sudden burst of energy latched onto me. It was Brendon.
I regained my balance since he had nearly knocked me off my feet, “Holy fuck” I said and than looked at him, “what was that for?” I said looking at him.
He looks at me with that smile, that smile that always seemed to get me no matter how hard I tried to forget it was always there in the back of my mind. The way his lips creased and the way his cheeks moved. I shook my head a bit and looked at him.
Brendon smiled at me and than said “I just wanted to” he said and than took my hands. “I just wanted to be you there really is nothing we need to talk about.” He said with a smile, and than my entire head filled with smoke. I ran my hands through my hair, than without warning I said.
“Actually, there is something I need to tell you.” I said softly, Brendon’s face looked so happy, but with the words I just said it went to serious and almost looked worried. Brendon nodded his head lightly than moved, and walked over with me to the living room.
I don’t know how long we sat in silence for, it had to of been 10 minutes or so. I looked at him than took his hand into mine and than I looked down. “What I’m about to say.. Will probably make you hate me more than you could ever.” I said softly, I swallowed softly than looked to him.
I cleared my throat lightly, and than opened my mouth and said it. “I slept with Pete.” I surprised myself with how calmly I said it. I looked at Brendon’s face which seem to be paused at the same expression, his eyes had sunken downward and I thought he was going to cry, would he cry? I kept thinking to myself. I looked at him, and than he let go of my hands and stood up.
I watched him, “Brendon.. Say something.” I said looking at him before standing up myself.
I felt him put his hands on my shoulders, his head still turned downward I just wanted to see his eyes, please look at me I said to myself as I stood there in front of him.
It was when I heard the first sob that I knew he was crying, fuck I thought I did it, I did the worse thing possible I made Brendon Urie cry. I swallowed heavily and felt like I wanted to throw up right than and there. I moved my hands and went to put them on his face but he jerked away from me and looked at me with hateful eyes.
I looked back at him, and the next words ripped into me like knives ripping into fabric. “I fucking hate you.”
I felt my body shake as he said that, my eyes looked down, “I.. I know.” I said softly, I stood there and than I heard him move a bit and he grabbed me and pushed me onto the couch before stepping past me and walked to the door. “I wanted to fucking punch you just than! But I couldn’t.. how could you fucking do that Ryan” he yelled at me, and I felt the tears in my own eyes welling up.
Brendon stood there his hands gripping his car keys, his eyes stained with tears, tears that I made him have. “I’m sorry Brendon..” I said lightly.
I watched Brendon and he walked to the door, he pulled it open than looked at me, “guess you should of thought about that before you let Pete fuck you.” He said and than with that he walked out slamming the door behind him.
I sat on the couch staring at my hands tears hitting the tops of my hands, I swallowed lightly and I blamed myself for all of it, because it was.. in fact my fault; and I hated myself for it.
I had been the downfall in our relationship, and I did love him, do love him, will always love him.
Everything just fucking sucks now.
There For You (chapter two)
It’s been about three weeks since I last talked, saw, or heard from Brendon. I’m worried, afraid, and it seems so many emotions are running through my system right now. I’ve been depressed, angst everything rolled into one.
I didn’t mean to hurt him, I didn’t want to hurt him so why did I? I could of called someone else, hell Brent would have been a better person to call but I figured Pete could help me, but I didn’t want him to help me in this way.
Ever since the elevator incident he has been showing up a lot more lately, wanting more of it but I never give it to him, and he gets frustrated and leaves. I still haven’t told him about Brendon but I think he’s catching on, since Brendon is no where to be found anymore.
Spencer and Jon have told me to call him, but even if I did call him their would be that chance he wouldn’t answer or worse, he would answer; and if he did how could he possible talk to me? I can’t even look myself in the mirror anymore without seeing the mistake I made.
I hate myself, I hate Pete, and I hate that Brendon is gone.
--
I left the night he told me, I left and ran away from the one thing I loved most. Sometimes I think I’m an idiot that just maybe, me and him could work this out; but than I think of Pete holding onto Ryan, and than I remember why I left.
Though this has taken a toil on my body, I haven’t slept or really ate much since I left. Insomnia is slowly starting to take over me, and I can’t seem to get things straight anymore, visions blurry and I’ve gone to drinking. Ryan would just love that wouldn’t he?
I can just see him disappointed in me, yelling at me, because I was doing one of the things he really didn’t like. I was drinking.
But damn it it takes the pain away! Even if it just makes me numb.
I’ve thought about calling him, but half the time when I am thinking about it I’m drunk off my ass and if I called him while I was drunk, nothing good would come out of it.
I miss him though.
--
I had finally fallen asleep around 3 this morning, when my phone goes off. I slowly pull myself up off of the bed and search for my phone; I find it and with my vision blurry from sleep I didn’t care to look at who was calling me. I place the phone to my ear and very groggily I said “Hello?”
The other line was silently, except for a couple of sniffs and I sat up I swallowed lightly than moved the phone from my ear, and looked at the name that was on the screen. I than placed the phone to my ear, “Brendon” I said softly.
I heard the phone shift “don’t hang up” I said rather quickly. “Please don’t hang up” I said once more.
I waited in silence for a bit and than heard his breathing and I sighed softly, “Brendon, I’m sorry.” I had said this so many times but to no one cause Brendon wasn’t here. “I’m worried about you, where are you?”
Still I heard just his breathing,.
“Brendon, please tell me.” I heard another sniff on the other end of the phone and than a cough. I waited, if we had to sit here in silence, than we would if this was the closest I would get to him than I would stay on the phone with him.
Finally after 10 minutes of silence between the two of us Brendon finally said. “Why?” it was the most simple thing to ask, but yet I could not think of a reason, I couldn’t say I was lonely cause I wasn’t.
“Honestly Brendon, I don’t know why I did it, I hate myself for it everyday, every second even.” I said softly, “I hate myself and him for it, but you have every right to be upset with me.” I went to say something else but I was cut off by Brendon.
“Ryan,” he said softly, his voice containing small sobs. “I need help.”
I moved off of the bed, “what’s wrong?” I said and than after a pause “where are you?” I felt my heart beating into my throat, and I was worried, more than just a little.
“Brendon where are you?” I said again since he had not told me yet. I waited once more, and than I heard, “in the drive way.”
I stood up, and than moved and looked out the window and saw Brendon standing in the drive way, he looked like shit. His hair was unkempt he hadn’t shaved and his clothes looked dirty.
I watched him from the window as he put his phone into his pocket. I hung mine up and moved pulling on some shoes and walked toward the living room.
I pulled the front door open, and a sudden burst of wind chilled my bones, and I remember I was only in my boxers and my shoes. I must of looked lovely just than.
I moved and grabbed a coat from the coat rack and pulled it on before, closing the door behind me and walked over toward him.
Brendon looked at me, and I felt my entire body get cold and not just cause of the night desert wind but his eyes were so full of pain that I could feel my body tremble at his stares.
We stared at each other for a while before Brendon moved and quickly embraced me, my arms were at my side when he did this. I slowly pulled my arms around his body and held onto him, and I heard him sob lightly into the shoulder of my coat.
Guilt began to build into my mind, and I felt horrible so I held onto him tighter not letting him go. His body shook in my arms and than I smelt the alcohol on his body and than my body itself began to shake.
I moved back and looked at him, “come on” I said and slowly guided him back into the house.
I took him to the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet and moved going to his room; I grabbed some clothes and than came back and placed them on the counter.
I moved over to him and took the comb next to the toilet and ran it through his hair lightly.
He moved his arms and placed them around my waist his arms were tightly wrapped around my hips. I looked down at him and than placed my hands on his head lightly before moving and placing the comb down on the counter and moved down so I was facing him.
I moved and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding his body close to mine.
We sat that way for awhile until I pulled back and looked at him. “You’ll be okay Brendon, we’ll both be okay.” I said softly, and than took his hands into mine. “I promise.”
Love Hurts (chapter three)
I’m trying to make up for what I did, but its not as easy I thought it would be. Brendon seems a little distant and I don’t blame him. I was able to do small things for him, like this morning.
I sat in the bathroom with him, and he sat on the toilet. I had a razor and slowly shaved his facial hair off, and than I combed out his hair before letting him go change into normal clothes.
Things seemed pretty calm too for awhile, I stayed to myself figured if I got near Brendon or close to him he would just feel awkward, and I think he felt the same about towards me; so we never stayed close one another because of the way we felt at that moment.
I could tell he was still upset with me, but I tried my hardest to make him not upset with me but nothing seemed to be helping me. I love Brendon and I feel like such a jerk because of what I did.
--
Ryan tries, and I love him for doing that; but when he touches me I picture Pete right there watching us. I hate that this has done this to me, every time I want to just hold Ryan I can’t because Pete’s nasty fucking face comes into view and I push my thoughts aside.
When he helped me shave this morning that was the closest we had been since the night before. I don’t hate Ryan I could never hate him, I just hate what he did; it hurts to know that he let Pete do that to him. I can’t help but be jealous, envious, angry; everything rolled up into one.
Sometimes I wish I had never meet Ryan, but than where would I be now? No where probably.
--
We were all sitting in the living room, watching the TV none of us were really talking. Jon sat on the floor playing with his kitten, Spencer was asleep on the couch and Brendon and I were sharing the love seat.
We both were on separate ends of the seat though so we never touched, or were even close enough to touching.
I focused all of my energy on the TV never look away from it, I wouldn’t dare because if I did I would notice Brendon sitting next to me and than I would feel guilt and regret well up inside of me. So I focused my eyes on the TV.
Nothing would break the bond I had with the TV or well I lie, something would break my bond with the TV it was the sound of the door bell being rang.
We hadn’t called for anyone to come over, we hadn’t been told either. The only thing that came to my mind was the person on the opposite side of that door was Pete Wentz.
I stood up and walked over to the door, peering out of the peep-hole and sure enough standing outside the door his hands shoved into his pockets was. Pete.
I let out a soft sigh, and I heard someone shift in there seat. I turned and saw Brendon looking at me, he than said “who is it?” He said and than I looked at him and than back at the door.
“Pete” I said lightly. I saw Brendon’s expression change rather quickly and he almost looked like he wanted to throw up.
--
I heard his name and I instantly wanted to jump over the chair and run to the door, open it and fucking slug him in the face HARD. But I didn’t actually that was one part of my emotion the other wanted to just run away and never look back but than I realized I had already done that.
Ryan needed me at this point even if it was to fend off Pete.
--
I moved from the door and than looked at the door knob. I heard his impatient knock and than I sighed softly and slowly opened the door. “Hi Pete” I said softly, and than opened the door fully and let him walk in. When he had, I moved and shut the door behind him.
He looked at me and than to Brendon before opening his mouth and saying, “hey Urie I was wondering where you had run off to.” He said with a sick grin.
I watched Brendon ball his fists a little and than turn to look back at the TV. Pete looked to me, and than I passed him and sat back down next to Brendon by the time this all happened Spencer had woken up and Jon had picked up his kitten where it now slept in his lap.
I felt Pete’s eyes on me the entire time he walked toward the couch. Spencer sat up and let Pete sit down he than glanced over at me and than moved and went into the kitchen.
“So Ryan how are things going” I heard Pete say. I turned my head and looked at him before saying. “Fine.. Why do you ask?” I said his eyes staring me down, until he grinned. “Just curious.” He said and than stretched a bit; before he slipped his arms behind his head.
I felt him staring at me, and Brendon moved a bit in the seat before getting up and walked off into the kitchen with Spencer.
The one thing I dreaded when Brendon got up was that Pete was going to jump over and sit next to me and just as I thought that he did.
--
I hate Pete, so fucking much I can’t seem to look him in the eye without thinking of a way to murder him in his sleep. I’m sure he’s probably chatting with Ryan acting as if nothing has even happened. I on the other hand do know something happened, as does Ryan.
I took a couple of breathes than I felt Spencer place a hand on my shoulder. I turned my eyes and looked at him, I smiled weakly and than he rubbed my shoulder lightly before walking out.
I heard Ryan and Pete talking, it seemed harmless until I heard Ryan say “Leave me alone.” Than I started to get territorial.
--
“Pete stop” I said countless times before, this wasn’t the first time he’d tried to get into my pants, and honestly I was tired of it. “Fucking stop” I said a little bit to loud.
I looked at Pete and he than backed up and than stood up. “You know Ryan you’re such a fucking tease, you know that.” He said, and my entire body began to tremble. I heard his words correctly he had just called me a tease. Was I a tease?
The next thing happened so fast I was caught off guard entirely.
--
What I heard Pete say made my blood boil, he had called Ryan a tease. Ryan was no tease, and this pissed me off, yes Ryan had sex with Pete but if anyone was a fucking tease let alone a fucking slut it was Pete.
I walked into the room and looked at Pete.
I had my fists clenched tightly as I stared him down, my eyes were squinted a little to signify that I was pissed off more than just a little.
The next thing I knew my fists had compacted with Pete’s face, making him back up rather quickly holding his face.
“What the fuck did you do that for!” I heard him yell at me. I stood there looking at him, “DON’T ever call my friend a tease you mother fucker!” I said looking at him.
I saw his fists clench out of the corner of my eye and I knew he was going to punch me next, and I knew it would hurt a lot worse than what I had done to him. He was after a little bigger than me. I braced myself for the punch.
--
I stared wide eyed at the scene that unfolded in front of my eyes. Brendon had just punched Pete, and he did it in my defense.
I saw Pete raise his fists and before he could do anything that involved Brendon getting punched I pulled Brendon back so he was behind me.
Pete pulled his arm back when he saw that I was now in front of Brendon. “Get out” I said calmly looking at him.
Pete looked at me, his face now red from the impact. I heard him grunt a little before he stormed out slamming the door in response to his anger.
I turned and looked at Brendon, who was actually shaking because of the after math. I moved and put a hand to my forehead while Brendon slide down and sat on the seat.
I moved and sat down next to him, Jon sat in the same spot, same position only his expression was wide eyed. He looked over at us and than looked at Spencer who had entered the room just as Brendon had punched Pete.
Jon cleared his throat lightly than followed by that he said, “holy shit” which caused us all to laugh a little.
Chapter Four Outline [Here Without You]
- Ryan feels sorry for Pete after the incident with Brendon, and he goes to patch things up between Pete and himself. But what happens is the comfort gets to close and they of course end up having sex once more with one another.
- Ryan tells Brendon right off, saying he's sorry he did it to comfort Pete he felt sorry for him, which in this case was true.
- Brendon doesn't take ti so easily and he takes drastic measures to forget all that is happening. Since all he wanted was Ryan and things seem to be to horrible for him.