It is Autumn
I have a job. Say hello to the undercover psychologist extraordinaire of Sainsbury's, Hornchurch. I got the admin position I was after, so I'll allow myself to feel smug for a day or two. No shelf-stacking for me, Dave. I get to play the paperwork game.
Today I'm covering my mum's job while she takes a week off (lazy schlapper), which is cash in hand employment. At least on the job front, things are looking up. Plus it forces me to wake up at 7:30am, which gives me an opportunity to get moving in the morning when things aren't a manic panic dash. Nice weather today; perfect pondering weather, in fact. So as I was walking along this morning, enjoying a danish for breakfast (I fucking LOVE danishes. And I was actually awake before they'd sold out at the bakers), I pondered somewhat. Nothing earth-shatteringly profound, but I have managed to draft a short list of my Autumn Pet Hates.
1) It is definitely Autumn, and the radio stations have changed their selection accordingly. If I hear one more cover of California Dreaming I'm going to kill someone.
2) Kiera Knightley is EVERYWHERE at the box office. I've developed a passionate hatred of her. She's probably a lovely person, but she's become some surreal hybrid of an actress and a cockroach. You try stamping on her, but as soon as you turn a corner you're confronted by her vacant expression and neon-white teeth.
3) On the subject of films, whilst the quality of films is improving again (we hit a real slump this year, but I guess anyone who's been to the cinema recently would have noticed that), the incredible abnoxiousness of the pre-feature commercial advertisements is increasing at an alarming rate too. I've always been scathing of adverts in general, particularly the poncy or infantile ones, but they've gotten so bad they practically blew my Sarcasm Shield apart. I nearly ran out of the cinema waving my hands over my head and screaming. And they're lasting SO MUCH LONGER. Every time I go to see something now I walk out with a few grey hairs and wrinkles because it takes so long to get through the bloody things. Maybe my retrospective memory is tinted (more like tainted), but I'm pretty sure commercial eye socket raping never lasted this long ten years ago.
4) Mouse Guilt. We currently have mice living under our kitchen, who occasionally venture out to forage. Since we have no cat and our dog is a uselessly friendly lump, mousing duties have fallen upon me, since I am very patient and have good reflexes. Of course, once I've caught them, what am I meant to do with them? I can't just kill them. And when I let them go outside they all look so damn lost and cold. I feel like a complete troll. (Which I am, but not towards animals). Call me a soft touch, but meh. I am the Autumn Scrooge.
5) UCAS. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I keep trying to make a better personal statement and it's got to the point where I'm slipping into a state of learned helplessness. I did consider becoming a bag lady the other day, but dismissed it on grounds that if I'm going to have to spend my adult life alone and bitterly depressed, I might as well do it in a reasonably comfortable house, and I might as well go into a well-paying profession that I will enjoy. Still. The plastic bags and three-day old MacDonalds meals will always be the dream.
6) You know your childhood's over when you accidentally laugh at a joke your parents make.
7) And you know your teenage years are coming to a premature close when you no longer see the upsides of going out, getting completely rat-arsed and waking up with someone stuck to you, and you're already worrying about things like taxes, and you truly realise how much of a TWAT Tony Blair actually is, and what a complete shambles the New Labour party is in. I know I've bitched about it on varying levels of informed knowledge on different subjects, but FUCK ME. I should probably think of a much wittier, articulate and less profane exclamation than that, but frankly "Yegads" just didn't sum it up. The only thing actually holding the party together is a mutual dislike of Thatcherism and some strong - but very, very bad - policies. Unfortunately, this government is particularly good at suppressing information, most notably the fact that we are currently in the early stages of a recession. In nine years, New Labour have managed to undo all the salvage work latter-day Conservatives like Major managed to straighten out the British economy after the big recession. And here we are, already part-way down the street again. They might be painting it as a slow but dependable recovery, but it's anything but. Our current government is bleeding our country dry. Brown's already sold a large portion of our gold reserves in order to fund their policies.
I consider myself somewhat of an ideologist. I have moral beliefs that govern my political opinion to a large extent, and I'd like to think I'm a reasonably compassionate individual. Despite my trollish exterior, I've still got faith in the human race. Therefore it's quite downheartening to feel my political allegiances slowly rolling to the right.
Democratic Socialists my arse.
I need to start my own party.
8) Make-up. I've been starting to take more of an interest in my appearence, and this annoys me incredibly. Not because I'm amazingly bad at it; if I'm going to wear it, it's generally just eyeliner, and I'm ok at crafting odd patterns. It's weird getting used to it though. I don't think make-up is something that's meant to give you less confidence, but meh. Maybe I've spent so long with people telling me to have a style that all I can actually do is blend into the background.
9) Unwanted attractions. And dissatisfaction in my relationship - i.e. that there IS a relationship. Inability to express said dissatisfaction. Thinking about someone else.
10) There are leaves everywhere. It is most inconvenient when you've just raked the garden.
Urg. Work time.
Today I'm covering my mum's job while she takes a week off (lazy schlapper), which is cash in hand employment. At least on the job front, things are looking up. Plus it forces me to wake up at 7:30am, which gives me an opportunity to get moving in the morning when things aren't a manic panic dash. Nice weather today; perfect pondering weather, in fact. So as I was walking along this morning, enjoying a danish for breakfast (I fucking LOVE danishes. And I was actually awake before they'd sold out at the bakers), I pondered somewhat. Nothing earth-shatteringly profound, but I have managed to draft a short list of my Autumn Pet Hates.
1) It is definitely Autumn, and the radio stations have changed their selection accordingly. If I hear one more cover of California Dreaming I'm going to kill someone.
2) Kiera Knightley is EVERYWHERE at the box office. I've developed a passionate hatred of her. She's probably a lovely person, but she's become some surreal hybrid of an actress and a cockroach. You try stamping on her, but as soon as you turn a corner you're confronted by her vacant expression and neon-white teeth.
3) On the subject of films, whilst the quality of films is improving again (we hit a real slump this year, but I guess anyone who's been to the cinema recently would have noticed that), the incredible abnoxiousness of the pre-feature commercial advertisements is increasing at an alarming rate too. I've always been scathing of adverts in general, particularly the poncy or infantile ones, but they've gotten so bad they practically blew my Sarcasm Shield apart. I nearly ran out of the cinema waving my hands over my head and screaming. And they're lasting SO MUCH LONGER. Every time I go to see something now I walk out with a few grey hairs and wrinkles because it takes so long to get through the bloody things. Maybe my retrospective memory is tinted (more like tainted), but I'm pretty sure commercial eye socket raping never lasted this long ten years ago.
4) Mouse Guilt. We currently have mice living under our kitchen, who occasionally venture out to forage. Since we have no cat and our dog is a uselessly friendly lump, mousing duties have fallen upon me, since I am very patient and have good reflexes. Of course, once I've caught them, what am I meant to do with them? I can't just kill them. And when I let them go outside they all look so damn lost and cold. I feel like a complete troll. (Which I am, but not towards animals). Call me a soft touch, but meh. I am the Autumn Scrooge.
5) UCAS. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I keep trying to make a better personal statement and it's got to the point where I'm slipping into a state of learned helplessness. I did consider becoming a bag lady the other day, but dismissed it on grounds that if I'm going to have to spend my adult life alone and bitterly depressed, I might as well do it in a reasonably comfortable house, and I might as well go into a well-paying profession that I will enjoy. Still. The plastic bags and three-day old MacDonalds meals will always be the dream.
6) You know your childhood's over when you accidentally laugh at a joke your parents make.
7) And you know your teenage years are coming to a premature close when you no longer see the upsides of going out, getting completely rat-arsed and waking up with someone stuck to you, and you're already worrying about things like taxes, and you truly realise how much of a TWAT Tony Blair actually is, and what a complete shambles the New Labour party is in. I know I've bitched about it on varying levels of informed knowledge on different subjects, but FUCK ME. I should probably think of a much wittier, articulate and less profane exclamation than that, but frankly "Yegads" just didn't sum it up. The only thing actually holding the party together is a mutual dislike of Thatcherism and some strong - but very, very bad - policies. Unfortunately, this government is particularly good at suppressing information, most notably the fact that we are currently in the early stages of a recession. In nine years, New Labour have managed to undo all the salvage work latter-day Conservatives like Major managed to straighten out the British economy after the big recession. And here we are, already part-way down the street again. They might be painting it as a slow but dependable recovery, but it's anything but. Our current government is bleeding our country dry. Brown's already sold a large portion of our gold reserves in order to fund their policies.
I consider myself somewhat of an ideologist. I have moral beliefs that govern my political opinion to a large extent, and I'd like to think I'm a reasonably compassionate individual. Despite my trollish exterior, I've still got faith in the human race. Therefore it's quite downheartening to feel my political allegiances slowly rolling to the right.
Democratic Socialists my arse.
I need to start my own party.
8) Make-up. I've been starting to take more of an interest in my appearence, and this annoys me incredibly. Not because I'm amazingly bad at it; if I'm going to wear it, it's generally just eyeliner, and I'm ok at crafting odd patterns. It's weird getting used to it though. I don't think make-up is something that's meant to give you less confidence, but meh. Maybe I've spent so long with people telling me to have a style that all I can actually do is blend into the background.
9) Unwanted attractions. And dissatisfaction in my relationship - i.e. that there IS a relationship. Inability to express said dissatisfaction. Thinking about someone else.
10) There are leaves everywhere. It is most inconvenient when you've just raked the garden.
Urg. Work time.