i'm unhappy
it's weird. it's really bad. i haven't felt like this in a long time, and now i want to cry. jack really hurt my feelings today. i asked him why he hasn't been starting me and he told me i'm not aggressive enough. he wasn't mean, he just told me straight out, i need to be more aggressive. and he yelled at me for stopping to see if emma was ok. again, he wasn't mean, but it hurt my feelings. my ears hurt a lot, and i took a few pretty hard knocks to my head, that might be contributing. i thought i might have a concussion, i nearly threw up when i went in for chelsea during b side, and i felt all dizzy and weak, but i feel ok now. sore ears, but not concussed. i'm unhappy though. i hate this. i had a nice day. the good grade parade was marching on. we won our game. i hate jack right now. i'm blaming him and it's unfair, but he judged me on one incident during our first game and now i'll never make it up. tayler's taller than i am, and it's easier to be extra aggressive when your head isn't jammed between a prop and a hooker's asses. i could pull more people down if i wasn't bound into the middle of the scrum. the official season is over, if he isn't going to start me and he insists on playing his daughter every second i don't see why i can't play where i like for a while. i've been compromising all season, i go to practice, i want to be made happy by playing sports. why do i even play if they just make me feel bad about myself? i love rugby, and i play more than some people, but i'm having a hard time accepting some things. there's probably nothing i can do, so i'll be unhappy tonight, and tomorrow i'll stiffen my upper lip and go to gcc to sub for the batavia girls for five minutes. god only knows why.