in the height of all of this, somehow I feel like I am wrong? pathetic? selfish?...
My mind is so clouded with things I don't even want to be thinking about right now.
Looking in the mirror this morning didn't make it feel any better, the orange didn't help. I felt apprehensive as I left this afternoon. I knew the looks I was going to get. Oh Jacksonville, you will never fail me. Loud cars, squeaky brakes, my own ears so deaf to anything but the legionnaire's lament. So hot and sweaty by the time I arrived. My face more freckled than when I left (it goes nicely with my newly red hair). Stepping up to your window and giving you half of everything I worked so hard to recieve really kills me, knowing the whole thing is so unfair in the first place. Somehow when I left though it didn't matter anymore. The sun always seems to make me smile, no matter what I'm thinking. The ride home was better; I passed a school, and all the children on the playground were happy. I miss swinging like that. I got home knowing things were okay. Not much longer, I can deal with anything if I have to.
This week has been a tough one. I have never had to be "that friend" before. I've never know the heartbreak you were feeling, and I'm sorry if my attempts were not enough to make you smile. I am doing the best I can. I am not mad you made me cry today, I promise. We are all feeling it right now in some way or another. I am glad he is okay, and as much as I don't like it, I am glad you two are okay. Just please don't make me sleep in the car again...the neighbors really scared me.
Superchunk is on the raideo.
Today was the first time I didn't finish the whole glass. I thought about how I've been feeling, and how I want to feel. How I need to feel. How certain people have been making me feel. For the first time this summer I found the feeling of au natural. It made me lose my appetite and I'm glad. Come over and lets watch a movie. Come over and lets read a magazine. Come over and lets eat some rice and talk about how much better life will one day be.
Someone come entertain me.
Looking in the mirror this morning didn't make it feel any better, the orange didn't help. I felt apprehensive as I left this afternoon. I knew the looks I was going to get. Oh Jacksonville, you will never fail me. Loud cars, squeaky brakes, my own ears so deaf to anything but the legionnaire's lament. So hot and sweaty by the time I arrived. My face more freckled than when I left (it goes nicely with my newly red hair). Stepping up to your window and giving you half of everything I worked so hard to recieve really kills me, knowing the whole thing is so unfair in the first place. Somehow when I left though it didn't matter anymore. The sun always seems to make me smile, no matter what I'm thinking. The ride home was better; I passed a school, and all the children on the playground were happy. I miss swinging like that. I got home knowing things were okay. Not much longer, I can deal with anything if I have to.
This week has been a tough one. I have never had to be "that friend" before. I've never know the heartbreak you were feeling, and I'm sorry if my attempts were not enough to make you smile. I am doing the best I can. I am not mad you made me cry today, I promise. We are all feeling it right now in some way or another. I am glad he is okay, and as much as I don't like it, I am glad you two are okay. Just please don't make me sleep in the car again...the neighbors really scared me.
Superchunk is on the raideo.
Today was the first time I didn't finish the whole glass. I thought about how I've been feeling, and how I want to feel. How I need to feel. How certain people have been making me feel. For the first time this summer I found the feeling of au natural. It made me lose my appetite and I'm glad. Come over and lets watch a movie. Come over and lets read a magazine. Come over and lets eat some rice and talk about how much better life will one day be.
Someone come entertain me.