mini-hiatus, hopefully over
It's come to my attention that hey, I haven't updated this thing in a month. My apologies if anyone had wondered where I had gone to. I've been reading, and commenting, when I can, everyone's journal's though, so hopefully you didn't think I died..:) I have a few reasons for not updating. The main one being that I just haven't had much time to, and when I DID get the time, it got pushed off in favor of something else. The other important reason being that I've had a few personal issues lately that I didn't want you poor lj people subjected to, being that it's all simply teenage angst that is forgotten in a few weeks time anyway. I figure I'll just give you all a general rundown of what I've been up to in the past few weeks.
My Spring Break came and went. It was mostly an enjoyable time, and I needed it so much. Lately I've just been getting stressed out about..everything, and over SB I finally allowed myself to relax and enjoy myself. It got me away from the people that make me feel so bad about myself during school, and gave me more time to talk to the people I love. Also, It got me to the movies more time in one week than I had been in the past 3 months, which was neat. I always see previews for movies, think " Wow, I *have* to see that when it comes out!" and then I...never do. I saw, in order, The Passion of Christ, The Prince and Me, Hellboy, and Jersey Girl. To be quite honest, none of the movies were great or amazing, instead were mostly mediocre. Although I did take a special liking to The Prince and Me, but I'm a sucker for chick flicks. Not that it matters, what mattered the most to me was the fact that I was able to be with some of my friends, and get out of my house.
My house is just really bothering me lately, but I go through stages of wanting to get out/ never wanting to leave here. My mom has been addicted to Trading Spaces, and any show like it, for awhile now, and has plans on redecorating basically every room in the house. At the moment, my room is completely torn up, with no rug or anything. Also, my living room and hallway are only half-carpeted, and my dad is working on changing the rest of that right now. I don't really mind all the redecorating, what irritates me is my mom's attitude about it. Basically, she just wants me to fawn over any idea she gets, and if I don't think it's the best thing since sliced bread, she bitches at me, and starts attacking things like my social life, love life, etc. It's just hard to pretend to be excited over which shade of grey she chose for my walls or whatever, when I really could care less, with the amount of time I spend in my room, which is none. Talking to my mom lately has just been a pain, because everything she says seems to just cut through me. I just avoid being in a room with her, if it's possible, because otherwise I just get this incredibly urge to start screaming things at her.
Speaking of screaming things at people, I've been wanting to just yell at myself for how I've been acting lately. I've become kind of recluse, shutting myself off from people that I shouldn't. I was becoming so absorbed in my unhappiness that I was forgetting to be happy. So, today I decided, Enough's enough. Time to stop the foolishness, right? Afterall, It's hard to be happy if you don't even try. So, I woke up with the attitude that nothing was going to go wrong today, and so far it's worked, because I've generally been feeling okay most of the day. I got to hang out with two of my friends for a few hours, and we just walked around, talked, all that normal stuff. I came home, and my friend called. Her and I talked on the phone for about an hour, which is amazing for me, because I am not a phone person. There's only one more person I NEED to talk to today, before I can be really happy.. So I'll get to do that soon, hopefully, as soon as he gets home, and today will be relatively flawless. :)
Hmm..what else has been going on lately..Ah yes, I've been playing Lacrosse for my school, we're about halfway through our season now. I'm a JV-er, so there techincally SHOULD be no stress. However, My team is probably the biggest mass of drama I have seen in a long time. The problem is that we have 30+ girls on the team, and a first year coach. There is no way that everyone can play every game, but the coach has this tendency to keep some people (including myself most of the time) in for the whole game without making ANY subsitutions. This makes for about 10 very unhappy permanent benchwarmers, all threatening to quit the team, and all equipped with angry parents. My take on the whole thing? I say let them quit. They're on the bench for a reason. There should have been cuts in the first place, and they are the ones that would have been cut. They have a very negative attitude, and do nothing but talk trash the whole time during practice and games. That's not very sportsmanlike at all, something my school prides itself on. My theory is if you're not playing a game, you should just sit down and shutup, or quit. No one wants to hear them whining. Granted, I'm not in their position, where i've only played a few minutes of one or two games, but still...it just irritates me. On a side note, our team has been playing pretty well recently, though we just recently got crushed by our cross-town rivals. No good there, but it happens. Afterwards, the whole team was supposed to go out for "team bonding" at IHOP. Well, myself and four other girls went. Lots of bonding there. But that's okay, because it was good times.
See all these happy good times I have to write about? And sometimes I wonder just how much I enjoyed myself, and if I'm just desperately trying not to turn into a whiny emo kid. :P One a completely horrible sidenote, my friend Meghan is having these horrible panic attacks right now, and I feel horrible because I can't do anything to help her, and her parents aren't home or anything, so she's like passed out alone. I really hope she's okay..
My Spring Break came and went. It was mostly an enjoyable time, and I needed it so much. Lately I've just been getting stressed out about..everything, and over SB I finally allowed myself to relax and enjoy myself. It got me away from the people that make me feel so bad about myself during school, and gave me more time to talk to the people I love. Also, It got me to the movies more time in one week than I had been in the past 3 months, which was neat. I always see previews for movies, think " Wow, I *have* to see that when it comes out!" and then I...never do. I saw, in order, The Passion of Christ, The Prince and Me, Hellboy, and Jersey Girl. To be quite honest, none of the movies were great or amazing, instead were mostly mediocre. Although I did take a special liking to The Prince and Me, but I'm a sucker for chick flicks. Not that it matters, what mattered the most to me was the fact that I was able to be with some of my friends, and get out of my house.
My house is just really bothering me lately, but I go through stages of wanting to get out/ never wanting to leave here. My mom has been addicted to Trading Spaces, and any show like it, for awhile now, and has plans on redecorating basically every room in the house. At the moment, my room is completely torn up, with no rug or anything. Also, my living room and hallway are only half-carpeted, and my dad is working on changing the rest of that right now. I don't really mind all the redecorating, what irritates me is my mom's attitude about it. Basically, she just wants me to fawn over any idea she gets, and if I don't think it's the best thing since sliced bread, she bitches at me, and starts attacking things like my social life, love life, etc. It's just hard to pretend to be excited over which shade of grey she chose for my walls or whatever, when I really could care less, with the amount of time I spend in my room, which is none. Talking to my mom lately has just been a pain, because everything she says seems to just cut through me. I just avoid being in a room with her, if it's possible, because otherwise I just get this incredibly urge to start screaming things at her.
Speaking of screaming things at people, I've been wanting to just yell at myself for how I've been acting lately. I've become kind of recluse, shutting myself off from people that I shouldn't. I was becoming so absorbed in my unhappiness that I was forgetting to be happy. So, today I decided, Enough's enough. Time to stop the foolishness, right? Afterall, It's hard to be happy if you don't even try. So, I woke up with the attitude that nothing was going to go wrong today, and so far it's worked, because I've generally been feeling okay most of the day. I got to hang out with two of my friends for a few hours, and we just walked around, talked, all that normal stuff. I came home, and my friend called. Her and I talked on the phone for about an hour, which is amazing for me, because I am not a phone person. There's only one more person I NEED to talk to today, before I can be really happy.. So I'll get to do that soon, hopefully, as soon as he gets home, and today will be relatively flawless. :)
Hmm..what else has been going on lately..Ah yes, I've been playing Lacrosse for my school, we're about halfway through our season now. I'm a JV-er, so there techincally SHOULD be no stress. However, My team is probably the biggest mass of drama I have seen in a long time. The problem is that we have 30+ girls on the team, and a first year coach. There is no way that everyone can play every game, but the coach has this tendency to keep some people (including myself most of the time) in for the whole game without making ANY subsitutions. This makes for about 10 very unhappy permanent benchwarmers, all threatening to quit the team, and all equipped with angry parents. My take on the whole thing? I say let them quit. They're on the bench for a reason. There should have been cuts in the first place, and they are the ones that would have been cut. They have a very negative attitude, and do nothing but talk trash the whole time during practice and games. That's not very sportsmanlike at all, something my school prides itself on. My theory is if you're not playing a game, you should just sit down and shutup, or quit. No one wants to hear them whining. Granted, I'm not in their position, where i've only played a few minutes of one or two games, but still...it just irritates me. On a side note, our team has been playing pretty well recently, though we just recently got crushed by our cross-town rivals. No good there, but it happens. Afterwards, the whole team was supposed to go out for "team bonding" at IHOP. Well, myself and four other girls went. Lots of bonding there. But that's okay, because it was good times.
See all these happy good times I have to write about? And sometimes I wonder just how much I enjoyed myself, and if I'm just desperately trying not to turn into a whiny emo kid. :P One a completely horrible sidenote, my friend Meghan is having these horrible panic attacks right now, and I feel horrible because I can't do anything to help her, and her parents aren't home or anything, so she's like passed out alone. I really hope she's okay..