updatin..i guess
Im not really sure what to say in here right now. Things are up and down i guess. I have been kinda sick lately and it has gotten me depressed more. I have no voice, which dana learned tonight. I can't concentrate on half the things i do because my head feels like its goin to explode and my ears too. At practice i have no energy so therefore i can't do half my tricks. Things are just frustratin even in the house right now. If my mom isn't mad at my dad she's mad and screamin at me. If my dad isn't mad at my mom he's screamin at me. Like i get home from school today and im not in the house 5 mins and my parents are both yellin at me cuz this isn't done and askin when the last time i cleaned out my guinea pig's cage and its like give me a lil break hear.
So my mom goes for chemo tomorrow mornin, which i dunno if its good or bad. Its her last dose in the set of 4, but its the worst one. She's gonna be very weak after this one which scares me a lot. I have gone through a lot since she was diagnosed in December. I've done a lot of fightin myself not to break down when she does and to try and keep strong but its very hard. Alot of people don't realize how hard things are sometimes for me. I dunno. Well i left for practice and i got home around 9 and i see my mom lyin on the couch. While we are watchin The Apprentice, she's like well i have no more cell phone. I looked at her confused and she's like my plan ended and we can't take ur phone over to verizon so i just won't have a cell phone anymore. She's like the reason i got it was for you to call me at school and not have to call the office for them to get me and also to call me when ur out but im not workin and u don't call me anyway so there is no use. So then i felt guilty cuz i upset her. Then my mom is gettin ready to go to bed and then all of a sudden my dad is makin all these phone calls on his cell phone usin the speakerphone to customers. Ok there are a couple things wrong with that:
1. My dad's voice is so loud that u can hear it through out our whole house, so there isn't any way my mom's gonna fall asleep with him talkin.
2. Its after 11pm and he's callin customers....no one is around at this time of night..am i right???
3. The speakerphone you can hear in the house loud and clear so obviously my mom isn't gonna be able to sleep with all of that.
So she gets upset again sayin that my dad doesn't care about anythin but himself that he would rather her not be here and sayin things along that line. So finally i go into the kitchen and yell at him and he yells back at me talkin about me stayin up till 2am with the light on....well for 1 im in the computer room and 2 the light is never on in here after she goes to bed. I dunno things like that make me anrgy with him. So i dunno i finished my letter and now im just contemplatin...i want to think that somethin is gonna go right for me for once but i just really doubt it.
I push away everyone that cares about me...i think im a tough and strong person, which i am but most of the time my insides are pushin at me to let things out which i hate to do. I like to just keep them to myself. Its the way i am. there was a small plus to tonight though. I was on the phone with dana and after i got off with her i came in and looked at my screen and i saw an IM window and it was NICK!!! He and I had met on my first cruise 3 years ago and he's from Long Island. he and I have kept in touch since then.. well this summer he came to visit relatives that live close to me so we decided to see each other and we had some fun and it was kewl seein him. We left things as friends since he didn't wanna date long distance, which was fine with me. So he had signed off before i got to my computer so i remembered havin his number in my phone so i called him and he was sooo excited to hear from me...it made me happy. OK see nick is a pretty smart kid and always does his homework kind of person. Well nick said he missed talkin to me and that he was gonna blow off his homework so he could talk to me..that made me feel good. So we caught up on each other's lives and it was a nice conversation. The best part was him sayin good night...exact words "Goodnight Beautiful" now those words just killed me..it was so sweet. He is passin through this weekend to look at Bryant College and Bently College...both won't be too far from me next year....i guess we'll see how this plays out :) OK sorry guys i know this entry is very long so im gonna end it now....feel free to comment if u want..i always love readin them and commentin back :o) .:*LaTeRz*:. oh one more quick thing......
Happy 19th Birthday Justin....
So my mom goes for chemo tomorrow mornin, which i dunno if its good or bad. Its her last dose in the set of 4, but its the worst one. She's gonna be very weak after this one which scares me a lot. I have gone through a lot since she was diagnosed in December. I've done a lot of fightin myself not to break down when she does and to try and keep strong but its very hard. Alot of people don't realize how hard things are sometimes for me. I dunno. Well i left for practice and i got home around 9 and i see my mom lyin on the couch. While we are watchin The Apprentice, she's like well i have no more cell phone. I looked at her confused and she's like my plan ended and we can't take ur phone over to verizon so i just won't have a cell phone anymore. She's like the reason i got it was for you to call me at school and not have to call the office for them to get me and also to call me when ur out but im not workin and u don't call me anyway so there is no use. So then i felt guilty cuz i upset her. Then my mom is gettin ready to go to bed and then all of a sudden my dad is makin all these phone calls on his cell phone usin the speakerphone to customers. Ok there are a couple things wrong with that:
1. My dad's voice is so loud that u can hear it through out our whole house, so there isn't any way my mom's gonna fall asleep with him talkin.
2. Its after 11pm and he's callin customers....no one is around at this time of night..am i right???
3. The speakerphone you can hear in the house loud and clear so obviously my mom isn't gonna be able to sleep with all of that.
So she gets upset again sayin that my dad doesn't care about anythin but himself that he would rather her not be here and sayin things along that line. So finally i go into the kitchen and yell at him and he yells back at me talkin about me stayin up till 2am with the light on....well for 1 im in the computer room and 2 the light is never on in here after she goes to bed. I dunno things like that make me anrgy with him. So i dunno i finished my letter and now im just contemplatin...i want to think that somethin is gonna go right for me for once but i just really doubt it.
I push away everyone that cares about me...i think im a tough and strong person, which i am but most of the time my insides are pushin at me to let things out which i hate to do. I like to just keep them to myself. Its the way i am. there was a small plus to tonight though. I was on the phone with dana and after i got off with her i came in and looked at my screen and i saw an IM window and it was NICK!!! He and I had met on my first cruise 3 years ago and he's from Long Island. he and I have kept in touch since then.. well this summer he came to visit relatives that live close to me so we decided to see each other and we had some fun and it was kewl seein him. We left things as friends since he didn't wanna date long distance, which was fine with me. So he had signed off before i got to my computer so i remembered havin his number in my phone so i called him and he was sooo excited to hear from me...it made me happy. OK see nick is a pretty smart kid and always does his homework kind of person. Well nick said he missed talkin to me and that he was gonna blow off his homework so he could talk to me..that made me feel good. So we caught up on each other's lives and it was a nice conversation. The best part was him sayin good night...exact words "Goodnight Beautiful" now those words just killed me..it was so sweet. He is passin through this weekend to look at Bryant College and Bently College...both won't be too far from me next year....i guess we'll see how this plays out :) OK sorry guys i know this entry is very long so im gonna end it now....feel free to comment if u want..i always love readin them and commentin back :o) .:*LaTeRz*:. oh one more quick thing......
Happy 19th Birthday Justin....