(no subject)
Time for an update.
I'm not happy in my relationship. I'm always irritated because we hardly talk or see each other. I honestly don't think I like him that much. I keep thinking he's going to grow on me, but everyday he's losing points from me. He's not a bad person nor does he treat me badly, but I'm not treated like a girlfriend. I feel like a burden in his busy life while I'm wasting away with nothing to do. I've clearly had too much time to think because I can't work or go to the gym to work off frustration. On Sunday I told him how I felt about the way things were going and he's finally making a small effort. Bottom line, I need more attention.
No I need to be alone right now. Truth is, I'm still healing from what happened with Kyle. Matt is not a rebound but like Ange has told me, I'm settling. I do not have a fear of being alone. I have a fear of making a mistake. What if over time Matt turns out to be great? What if I'm wasting my time? I need to make a decision. It's not a life altering decision but I still can't seem to make up my mind. My gut is telling me to wait just a LITTLE bit longer. I want to find out why. I'll give it only one more month. If I am not happy then I will end it. You're probably wondering "Why am I waiting around for things to change?" Sometimes we do things that make absolutely no sense but I feel like I have something to learn from this. So that's where I stand with that.
I am so happy for all my friends that are getting their acceptance letters! Lindsay, congrats again! I am actually quite jealous. Why was I so stupid to chose college for another person?! It's the fact that I didn't even apply! I'm happy at CSUN, I really am, but I will ALWAYS have that "What if?" I can't keep beating myself up for it because I can't turn back time. Everything happens for a reason... I hope. For what I want to do CSUN is the best school for me to go to anyway.
I can't believe we're all turning 21 this year. It's exciting but scary that time is flying by so fast.
Trying to live in the moment. Peace.
I'm not happy in my relationship. I'm always irritated because we hardly talk or see each other. I honestly don't think I like him that much. I keep thinking he's going to grow on me, but everyday he's losing points from me. He's not a bad person nor does he treat me badly, but I'm not treated like a girlfriend. I feel like a burden in his busy life while I'm wasting away with nothing to do. I've clearly had too much time to think because I can't work or go to the gym to work off frustration. On Sunday I told him how I felt about the way things were going and he's finally making a small effort. Bottom line, I need more attention.
No I need to be alone right now. Truth is, I'm still healing from what happened with Kyle. Matt is not a rebound but like Ange has told me, I'm settling. I do not have a fear of being alone. I have a fear of making a mistake. What if over time Matt turns out to be great? What if I'm wasting my time? I need to make a decision. It's not a life altering decision but I still can't seem to make up my mind. My gut is telling me to wait just a LITTLE bit longer. I want to find out why. I'll give it only one more month. If I am not happy then I will end it. You're probably wondering "Why am I waiting around for things to change?" Sometimes we do things that make absolutely no sense but I feel like I have something to learn from this. So that's where I stand with that.
I am so happy for all my friends that are getting their acceptance letters! Lindsay, congrats again! I am actually quite jealous. Why was I so stupid to chose college for another person?! It's the fact that I didn't even apply! I'm happy at CSUN, I really am, but I will ALWAYS have that "What if?" I can't keep beating myself up for it because I can't turn back time. Everything happens for a reason... I hope. For what I want to do CSUN is the best school for me to go to anyway.
I can't believe we're all turning 21 this year. It's exciting but scary that time is flying by so fast.
Trying to live in the moment. Peace.